Drabble

Walking the walk

2007-06-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

I know there are at least two fellow Isagenix fans who read this, so I'm posting a little update.

I've been so focused on sharing these amazing products with other people that I've dropped off reporting on what's going on with me!!!

Well, I'm still at that phenominal 130 pounds. It is the strangest and most wonderful thing that I got to see my metabolism change, my cravings disappear, and my energy level shoot up. If it had only been a few weeks, you might say "Oh, this can't last." But as I realize the next major holiday is the 4th of July, and last year at that time I saw photos of myself at the family celebration in LaCenter and I was totally mortified... where DID those rolls of fat come from??? Now, nearly one year later, I still show the awesome effects of incorporating the Isagenix 21st century food technology into my daily life. It takes less effort than it would take to drive up to KFC for some greasy (but tasty!) deep fat fried chicken.

My hair is better, and my skin is better. My eyesight is better. I sleep WAY better. I actually look forward to falling asleep because of the massively entertaining dreams I have every single night!

Today is a cleanse day. This is why the post is titled "walking the walk". I could easily skip the cleanse days now and not gain weight. However, I understand the health benefits AND I want to set a great example for all in my team who are watching everything I do. So tomorrow I'll probably weigh in at 129 or even 128, and I'll have a good laugh, and then have a FANTASTIC shake. Let's see... tomorrow I think I'll do a pineapple, mango, with a little extra vanilla extract and some flax seeds. Does breakfast get any better than this? I think not, children.

Yesterday my daughter's friend Stephanie came over unexpectedly. She has three people at work who want to start on the Isagenix products, so she came for information to take to them. I was working in the yard, and it was HOT (oddly, this early in Seattle) so I had on short shorts from the old days, and a sleeveless shirt. More of me was exposed, so poor Stephanie got a shock. She called me "Skinny" however it's a well-documented fact that I've been called chicken legs for my entire life. Still, she was impressed (hmmm) and that's fine.

Anyway, as the day comes to a close you can bet that I, like anyone, would love to have a nice chicken salad, or broiled fish and brown rice, or something. But my liver and kidneys and entire internal system thanks me for taking these breaks and flooding my internal body with the cleansing minerals and soothing teas. So I think I'll just grab another 32 ounce glass of ice water and then mop the kitchen floor.

Today was one of those all-too-few days when I got to stay home and clean the house and do laundry. Wow. But on the way up to Snohomish, where we get our work truck serviced, I got a call and enrolled another associate right on the spot. That was pretty uplifting. Good times.

Happy day to you all - please comment or write to me at poppinoff274@yahoo.com or you can even call me at 509-387-0003.

Went to a concert last night

2007-06-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

It wasn't an old people concert, it was 'Me Without You'.

Laura invited me, so of course I went. Jim Rohn says - "Don't miss anything". He's a wonderful motivational speaker, and a successful man. He believes life should still happen, even while you're building an empire.

So we went to the concert. Me, Laura, Sarah, and Trevor. As we drove up, I suddenly had this "Holy Moly what am I DOING here?" response. But then I thought "I can be wherever I WANT to be."

GREAT show, by the way.

The band we were there to see played at 10:30pm, so it was a LATE night. That's okay, everyone should have a late night now and then, even if they're old. Home again, had to have some snackies, then to bed after midnight. It was probably close to 1am.

Peaceful deep sleep.

4:30am the phone rings. I'm in a DEAD sleep, so I am highly confused. First I think it's the alarm, then I realize it sounds like my cell phone. Didn't recognize the number. Answered "This is Ruth". I was so sleepy it took a couple of minutes (it felt like) to sink in that it was Stephanie, Laura's former roommate, on the line. (For some reason my sleepy mind thought it was somebody I had an appointment with at the store!) Seems she was in a car full of 5 kids, driving long distance, and three of the five were cuffed and in the back of a patrol car, awaiting the tow truck to arrive. She was scared, mad, and wanted to know what to do.

Back in bed about 5am, it's light, and I'm thinking - ok, game over man.

Then David's cell phone started beeping to indicate a low battery.

Goodness.

I may or may not fill you in on "the rest of the story" about the arrest as the details become known. I think I can pretty much guess what happened. Being rather partial to law enforcement, I advised the kids to be polite, direct and honest in their answers, and calm. Poor little tiny Stephanie. If I could have, I would have driven over to pick her up. Problem was, they were in some town in Eastern Washington in the middle of freakin' nowhere.

Now I'm at our store and for whatever reason, my eyes feel funny.

BUT - you must read about and/or listen to 'Me Without You'. Here's what the lead singer completely reminded me of:

King David danced before the Lord with all his might. It was an act of worship so honest and pure it made the angels join in, I'm absolutely sure. King David wrote beautiful poetry, too, to praise and glorify God.

The concert was LOUD to the max, but from time to time I could have sworn angels were joining in the singing.

I know I sound like a sap, but that's never stopped me before. Check them out. Do you think that the "youth of today" are evil, self-centered, drug-affected, drunk, immoral jerks? Check out this band, and meet some of their fans.

Wow.

I'm impressed.

What Laurie knows

2007-05-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Laurie is not a scientist. Laurie is not a physician. Laurie does not own stock in a drug company, nor does she carry a chip on her shoulder regarding "traditional" medicine. Laurie does not pre-judge a food product based upon her assumptions that it can't possibly work as medicine. Laurie trusts one who has had an experience, then trusts her own intelligence as she reads the information regarding the nutritional products she has bought. Laurie opens her box of products with excitement, anticipation, and an open mind.

Laurie called me yesterday, after incorporating the nutritional cleansing, fat burning, and replenishing products into her life for one month. She was very excited.

For a long time now, Laurie has struggled, as many of us do, with some "excess baggage" around her middle and thighs. She's struggled worse with a burning sensation every time she eats, which is worse if she drinks coffee. This condition got so bad that her physician prescribed a very strong medication which prohibits the stomach from pumping acid. At all, I mean. Stomach acid, in its normal function, assists with the digestion process. So, for these years, how many of the foods Laurie has been consuming have passed through her system partially digested? We will never know. The burning and "gurgling" (as she describes it) have been nearly intolerable.

Laurie knows something. She knows that after her first cycle on these products her doctor took her off that medication that stops her stomach from pumping acid, and she knows that she feels better than she has in years. She now digests food normally, and what's happening inside her is that she's creating an alkaline environment (read healthy) rather than that horrible acid environment that scientists know is highly cancer-friendly. She can enjoy food. She can enjoy going out with her husband and (gasp) having a cup of coffee.

Laurie knows that the 21st Century food technology known as Isagenix has turned her life around. She has seen the pounds melt away. She has felt the surge of energy. She asked me if I was aware that being on these food products and the nutritional cleanse causes a decrease in cravings for certain foods. I told her that I'm well aware of that, since jordan almonds and licorice bites no longer tempt me! You see; Laurie knows that 83% of Americans are overweight, and of those many are obese. She knows that we need nutritional assistance in this day and age to get to the root of that problem and solve it, once and for all.

She looks, sounds, and acts differently now.

Laurie's call to me came at an absolutely perfect time. Murphy's Committee, those "helpful" souls who would cast discouragement on anything outside their own comfort zone, is hard at work to dissuade. Murphy's Committee will find themselves defeated; drowned out by truth, experience, and passion.

What Laurie knows, is that life tastes good, and being nourished all the way down to your last cell feels wonderful. Laurie knows. And she's so ready to help others know too. One of the things I thought, as I hung up from talking to her, was - what if I had been "too shy" or felt like it was an intrusion to introduce these products to her? She'd be looking at turning 50 with 25 extra pounds around her middle, a horrible medical condition, and no energy. Now we can celebrate our 50th birthdays together, having found a new friend, and shared a phenomenal health experience.

Laurie knows that she'll nourish her body with the Isagenix products for life.

How would you spend $30,000????

2007-04-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

I copied this rant from my MySpace page at www.myspace.com/momshap

I find this unbelievable, yet sadly common these days. SO many people will accept a prescription or go under the doctor's knife before learning what GOOD NUTRITION can do for them. Easy fix. Cut me open and make me not fat anymore. Read on if you dare.

How would you spend $30,000?
Current mood: frustrated

Hi.

Rant time. But I have to get this off my chest in on a forum that's pretty much neutral.

Since January, 2006, I've met people who have lost amazing amounts of weight by utilizing a cleansing and nutritional system that is nothing short of miraculous. But, in reality, it's NOT miraculous - the human body is. Among those I know personally, it would be conservative to say that 1,000 pounds has been lost. That said; the drug industry and the medical community is not happy about this trend, and has absolutely nothing to gain from the success these smart people have achieved. The drug industry and medical community have a STRONG say in what is allowed, and what is not. Vioxx is responsible for 28,000 deaths, and was FDA approved. Nutritional suppliments haven't killed anyone, but are suspect. And there you have the logic of the money machine which tries to dictate how you will be healthy. Or, in reality, how you will be unhealthy so you will pad their pockets. Healthy people don't stand in the pharmacy line at WalMart with debit card at the ready.

The medical community encourages something referred to as WLS, or weight loss surgery. What "qualifies" a person for this invasive procedure is a repeated attempt at losing weight without a sustained success. This could be, "I tried Slim Fast once, and it was icky, so I quit" or "Jenny Craig failed me" or "The carrot and celery diet was too restrictive." The yo-yo dieting tried by so many has resulted in a greater and greater percentage of people being not only overweight, but obese.

Enter the gastric banding procedure.

You can have your tender stomach reduced to the size of a walnut for the low, low price of $30,000. This makes you feel "full", having consumed only a small amount of food. Theory? Eat less, lose weight. Does it work? Sometimes. Does it fail? Sometimes. Do they give you the statistics of failure right up front? Not likely. How many patients experience a migrating band, which embeds itself into the stomach and requires surgical removal? How many patients eat past the fullness of the band, because the underlying cause of their obesity (compulsive overeating, consuming too many of the wrong foods, lack of healthy exercise) was never addressed? How many who have had the procedure have lost 30 - 50 pounds quickly, and then just stopped because they are unable to take in the proper amount of lean protein to facilitate continued weight loss?

$30,000. That's a considerable amount of money. Here's the math. For $3000, you can be on a nutritional program in which two meals a day are replaced with a super high-quality whey protein shake, complete with vitamins, minerals, and digestive enzymes, includes nutritional cleansing, and natural metabolism boosters FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. I've known more than one person to lose 100 pounds this way. Then, for the additional $27,000, you can replace one meal a day with the high quality whey protein shake (with minerals and digestive enzymes), have excellent vitamins and minerals designed for either men or women (also with digestive enzymes), exceptional quality antioxidants, and have a nutritional cleanse twice a month - FOR 15 YEARS.

Tell me which person you think might be healthier in 7 years. The walnut-stomached individual who is still nutritionally unbalanced, or the healthy person who has found out what giving your amazing body exactly what it needs can do for your health?

I have not known someone who has incorporated this nutrition into their lives to suddenly vomit several times a week. I've not known them to have something migrate into an organ of their body which then needs to be removed. I've not known them to lose lean muscle due to lack of proper protein intake. I've not known them to need to visit their physician several times a year to have their whey protein shake adjusted because of a Holiday or event upcoming which they feel they'll need to be able to ingest a ton of additional food for. I've never heard of a person dying because they had adequate nutrition. I've never heard of a person bleeding to death during the time they sip a shake for breakfast. I have heard of many of them impressing their physicians by their exceptional physical improvements, however.

How, indeed, can people even think of starting with such an invasive procedure?

I will never forget the poor woman who looked at me with tears in her eyes. She was pale, and tired. She'd had the gastric banding 9 months earlier. She and I had both lost 30 pounds. She had some 100 pounds to go. She looked at me, and at the ease of incorporating these foods into her life, and the tears came. Probably $30,000 too late. Maybe she would have rather bought a new car? Who knows.

People

2007-02-01T22:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not good at confrontation. But I find myself having to learn to be good at it, since I am an employer now.

I had to have a little heart to heart chat with the help (said intentionally like that, and I don't mean anything by it) after a little woopsie.

As gentle and careful as I was, it appeared as though I was telling a little boy that he had to give his puppy away. I watched the expression on his face turn from resolved to defend himself, to disbelief, to being crushed. He walked away defeated.

I was sorry, but I decided to let that emotion just evaporate, and get on with the business of business.

Today, I got a chance to give and gain "closure" on the situation. I followed up with the offended customer, and then summed up the event with the employee. He understood both my concern for him, and my desire to be a professional service provider in the community. I saw that, when it all came together, he found my position to be valid.

I told him that I do not mind if this particular customer takes her business elsewhere, but the actions that led up to her complaint need to not happen again. It was very satisfying to see the incident closed with a positive outcome, and the bounce in his step restored.

I'm not sure I'd sign on for supervisor again, but I do believe I can get the hang of it.

Network marketing is ever so much easier! :-)

What's weighing you down?

2007-01-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

I'm getting new business cards printed this week in anticipation of three health expos I will be attending as a vendor. I came up with a new tag line. See what you think:

"I lost 30 pounds of toxin-filled fat in 4 months. I've never been healthier."

Our employee, Anthony, responded with "Ewwww." And looked at his own belly. It brings home the harsh truth that Americans, due to S.A.D. (standard American diet) and environmental toxins, are DIRTY on the inside.

Toxin-filled FAT. I want to have a vat of fat to show. It's in part due to autopsy findings that the scientists behind the products David, Laura and I are consuming came to discover the ugly fact about fat. I mean ugly beyond the ugly that fat itself is as it sits on and around vital organs, choking them slowly. The TRUE ugly fact is that inside each fat cell is a piece of dirt. Much like an oyster will form a pearl around a grain of sand, your body forms insulation around toxins in the form of fat and fluid.

So, what's weighing you down? Do you think that little pudge around your tummy is cute? Would you think it was as cute if you could examine it under a microscope? Would you think it was as cute, and harmless, if you knew that with just 20 additional pounds on you, you're at greater risk for heart disease, diabetes, and all the other obesity-related, potentially fatal diseases? It's not cute. And it's not necessary. Get rid of it, and do it now.

Do you have four months to devote to your life? Let me put it this way: can you afford to spend about 35 minutes a day on the most precious asset you have - which is YOUR BODY? If you invest this small amount of time, and feed yourself the clean and healthful products that are available and affordable and delicious, in 4 months time you could be saying "I lost 60 pounds of toxin-filled fat in 4 months." Why stop at 30, if you have 40, 50, or 60 pounds of excess weight to lose? 60 is as easy as 30, it just takes a little more effort. The 35 minutes a day I mentioned includes moving around for 30 minutes! Walk, jog, jump, swim, garden, climb, MOVE it or lose it.

On the Record, With Mom Shap

2006-12-26T09:46:00.000-08:00

I currently weigh 129 pounds. Yes, this is after both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which were basically feeding frenzies. I am very happy with my triumph over the scale, but it comes as a result of some fairly simple changes which are scientifically sound and readily available to the general public.

The "stuff" I am "on" is called "FOOD". You are on "food" too. We may buy our "food" from different places, but we both are consuming food. Human beings need nutrients to stay alive. We need specialized nutrients to perform the miraculous daily activities which go on inside the human body. We have so much going on inside that we are totally unaware of, and yet if one of those systems malfunctions, we most certainly do become aware... sometimes too late. We are able to obtain the necessary nutrition from foods God has, in His wisdom, placed on the earth. We were told what was "good for food" way back in the time of the garden of Eden.

The "stuff" I am "on" is the result of amazing technological advancements in the science of nutrition. Cellular structure and development was studied, and the effects of food were documented. The result of years of study and testing is this "stuff" I'm on.

I am not using "drugs" or taking products with added "chemicals". I am not "on a diet". What I'm eating does not require a physician's prescription. If I had a major health issue, such as diabetes, it would in my best interest to have my progress monitored by my doctor, so that the drugs I had been prescribed could be stopped when I had become healthy again. The same would apply to other diseases or maladies common to ill-nourished people.

I'd rather go to a doctor who advises me to change my lifestyle, rather than saying "Hmm, by this time next year we'll probably be putting you on high blood pressure medication, given your history and the trend we are seeing." Well, doc, how about this??? How about I adopt a low-fat, high-fiber, nutrient-rich diet and start E-X-E-R-C-I-S-I-N-G, and then you re-test me in six months. HOW ABOUT THAT approach? Your very own doctor may be aware of some of the eating habits common to Americans which encourage cancer cells to grow, and he may not share this information with you.

I decided to start eating food products which were the result of a cutting-edge technology that allows scientists to obtain nutrients from the finest and cleanest food sources, and place them into easy-to-consume forms. I take daily vitamins, for instance, which contain the phyto-nutrients equivalent to six servings of vegetables. The fruit powder I dump into my breakfast shake equals eating about 20 clean and vitamin-rich fruits. The meal replacement shake which I enjoy every single morning, and sometimes in the evening, gives me 35 grams (the way I mix it) of the highest quality protein available, plus digestive enzymes, and a mineral blend which gently separates toxins from fat in my body, allowing me to live cleaner and healthier inside. It's technology. And that's okay. I'm fairly certain that those who have expressed fear or aversion where this technology is concerned, will find it easy to hop into their car (a definite technological miracle, making the horse-drawn carriage obsolete) and drive to the closest QFC or Safeway (which replaced the family farm) to buy packaged and processed foods to consume. They, too, are "on a diet". They choose what to eat each day, as do I.

I recently read that we start losing one half pound of muscle per year starting at about age 30. That means that we are placing an increased burden on our weakening bodies as we add pounds of fat each year. This can not only be halted, but reversed. This will HAVE to be reversed if we are to live into our 70s and 80s without physical assistance. If it really was as simple as changing your eating habits and adding weight bearing and cardiovascular exercise to your life, why wouldn't you want to do that?

A new addiction, etc

2006-12-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

OK, So Laura brings home these olives from Trader Joe's. They're green olives with feta cheese inside, packed in olive oil. Are they good? They are a drug. I absolutely can't stop eating them. She brought two more jars to me last night. I am not kidding; they are like a drug to me. They're so good they should be illegal. I do understand about people with eating disorders craving the taste of something so much that they feel compelled to scarf it up. I am, however, still being smart and not going into binge mode. There is nothing, including stuffed olives, that is more tasty than being able to sit here wearing a size medium WHITE long sleeved tee shirt and not having bulges. Except perhaps in the right places.

In other news - believe it or not - a cold caught me. I think it was during the fun but exceptionally cold time of hiking to the bus stop in freezing weather, and spending so much time just standing or sitting there at the transfer station after 6pm waiting for a bus that never came. I don't feel nearly as bad as I usually do with a winter cold, though, and this is 100% due to the whey protein, colostrum, and multitude of wonderful nutrition I'm getting. Isafruits, for example, provides the benefits of consuming over 30 fruits daily. I am surprised I got sick at all, but boy howdy I did. My sinuses feel like water balloons. I'll be better tomorrow.

I've got the menu all planned for the wedding I'm going to cater next Saturday. I'm making puffs, like cream puffs, but the puff part isn't sweet - and filling them with chicken salad. Also, I'll be making "rainbow roll ups" which are the tortilla roll up sandwiches, sliced. You use the red, green, and yellow tortillas. I'm going to make some regular, small tortilla wraps, too, that won't frustrate the hungry men. Then I'm making marinaded cheese squares, and I got stuffed olives. NO, not the Trader Joe's ones - too expensive for 75 people. We'll round that out with relish trays from Costco, chips, crackers, and pretzels. Tah dah! Done.

Well, it isn't "DONE" but it will be.

Lots of stuff going on in the world, but Mama's feeling light headed (so I can see in the dark) and I am going to close this little episode. Stay tuned.

Guess I should clarify!

2006-11-18T23:14:00.000-08:00

As to my journey into healthy and lean living - I am at 130 lbs now, having started at 160. I can gain 5 lbs without consequence, and in fact was called "skinny" by a customer today. I realized, re-reading my blogs, that my goal weight was 138. Hmm. So much for goal-setting!

Where does time go?

2006-11-18T21:57:00.000-08:00

The above photo is from the inside of a refrigerator I cleaned. I didn't know what that blob was, but it smelled sort of like pickles and it looked like it was about to move. So I took its picture...

It's been so long since I've written on this. I was sure I'd blog here and just dabble on MySpace, but it's become easy to write my little writings on MySpace and neglect this, my old friend.

So many things are happening all at once. I feel torn between all the obligations in my life, and yet strangely at peace with it all. I know that I can do only what I can do, and that to expect super-human levels of activity, you have to be super-human. I'm not. I'm just me.

I'm managing to put in 5-6 days at our store. Some days aren't FULL days, but most are 9 hours. I had two Isagenix parties at my house this past week, so I put hours into my OTHER job as well. THAT job is way fun, though! Still, we're going to the gym regularly, and we even relaxed and watched a movie last night. That was a rare occasion!!! The thought of the Holiday season arriving in less than a week is sort of overwhelming, but I'm taking a deep breath and bracing for it.

There are several good newses. I'm not expecting perfection from the Holiday season, and I'm not going to be "santa-in-mom's-clothing" this year. We're going to scale way back. Well, I am going to scale way back. After all, it's the first year in two different businesses, both of which take money to make money, although Isagenix takes as much or little money as I wish to put into it. So the relief from the expectation I set for myself is a good news. Another good news is that 2007 looks VERY promising, financially. The store has taken a turn for the better both in inventory and volume. My little business has found a wide-open field of opportunity which excites and amazes me. I fully expect to have a monthly income from that business that is sufficient to pay our monthly expenses in full by the end of 2007. The requirement from me is that I remain on the products, which means I remain healthy and lean, and that I continue to share the information with other people every single day. This, so far, has not been hard. In fact, so many people are actively seeking a way to get out of the obesity epidemic that is taking over the population of America, that basically all you have to do is hold up a sign that says "I know how you can beat this" and the people flock to you.

Oh! For those of you who check in on this blog and are following my progress; I'm at 30 pounds lost. The celebration tonight was to have prime rib at the Outback! I felt horribly full, yet it was SO tasty! I know I won't do something like that again for a very long time. I can't imagine trading the great feeling of thinness for the temporary feeling of consuming mass quantities of fat and cholesterol and salt! *shudder* It just doesn't make sense.

I had some interesting things happen at the store today, but you can check MySpace for that.

Tomorrow David is playing bass on the worship team at Canyon Hills. The benefit for me is that I get to hear him practice, so I get to hear the songs and learn them better, AND - I get to hear him sing when he just absentmindedly starts singing along with the CD. It's very awesome. Two things that have always made me very, very happy are to hear someone I love laugh, and to hear them sing.

Speaking of that - I was reminded again of a dark, dark time in my family's history. Greg, at that time, was under great attack. But I remember him walking through the house and singing. I started crying when I heard this, because he was singing a song of praise to God. My heart was torn as I considered how he had been so deeply hurt and had been threatened. I was afraid the one who had threatened him was going to cause him real harm. But he had such a deep trust in God... it prompted me to write a poem for Greg. I remember the last line of the poem was "facing the darkness with Light's song". He honestly stared down darkness, and the light that was in him drowned it out totally. The sound of song coming from a trusting heart - THAT is a testimony with which darkness cannot argue. No matter how strong the power of the darkness, it has to move aside for the light that comes from above.

So... singing. Singing will always be the thing. When I'm getting ready for another long day at the store, and I know David is weary and not looking forward to another day of moving appliances and dealing with traffic, and I hear a song coming from the shower as he's getting cleaned up... I can't help but smile.

The gift of music.

The CD is paused, and he's working on a bass part from 'Lord I Lift Your Name On High'. It's after 10pm, but he's determined.

Tomorrow over 1,000 voices will join in that song. Shattering darkness.

Why would you choose to live in darkness? To spread darkness? It's so much better in the light.

Today's MySpace Blog entry

2006-10-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

(I'm a cheater. I copied this from my MySpace blog!)

Oh man I've been reading again

Two articles and a blurb from the Fat Guy CD Greg sent me have all alerted me to something in the past three days. It's not like I didn't "know" this, but I didn't realize the extent of the epidemic.

Last night at the gym (where I burned off 340 calories on the treadmill which was majorly fun) I read that 31% of Americans are OBESE. Not plump. Not a bit on the heavy side. Not a little overweight. And I also read that death by fat is rapidly overtaking the death by smoking statistic. What a claim to fame. "Would you like extra fat with that?" And it's not all McDonalds fault, either. So that matches pretty much what Greg and Philly say on the CD. Then this morning, as I was stuck in the bathroom, I picked up a health magazine and read that even 20 pounds (TWENTY POUNDS) of excess weight can be fatal, or at least contribute to the onset of diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart problems, to name a few ills. 20 pounds. That's in the pleasingly plump world. I was carrying that around for the past few years. But the GOOD news in the article this morning was how very reversable those things are. The article URGED changing your lifestyle TODAY. Right now. Like shutting off the computer and getting outside for a walk. Then looking at your pantry and fridge shelves and doing a major overhaul. Drinking lots of filtered water. Avoiding high fructose corn syrup and other fat makers.

If you want to quickly start on the road to getting healthy, you can do what I did with the so-easy-I-feel-mildly-guilty 9-day jump start program of cleansing and FLOODING yourself with what your body really needs for optimal health - pure healthy nutrition. If you want to take a slightly harder, but still healthy route, there are lots of resources out there packed with good advice. I wouldn't recommend a "diet" though. I think the re-bound weight gain from all the attempted diets in the US has upped the obesity statistic. That's just my opinion. Talk to me if you have any questions about HEALTHY weight loss and energy gain! I'm no expert, but I have seen over 2+ months what really REALLY works.

I was thinking of the lost and found aspect of this thing I've hit on which has changed my entire life.

Lost: 24 pounds of FAT
Lost: need for sleep aids
Lost: big gut
Lost: Cravings for sweets, fried foods, and breads
Found: New me
Found: Energy
Found: New confidence
Found: That real food tastes amazing, unfried, sometimes unsalted, and undressed.

We don't crave what our body "needs". We just crave. When we listen to scientists and physicians who KNOW what our human body needs to thrive and build healthy lean muscle, the sickness-generated cravings just pack up and leave. You don't have to be a scientist. You just have to have a little brains and a little patience and a desire to be taught. It's "funny" to me that the same person who happily takes her doctor's advice that she needs surgical reconstruction of something, will shun a multi-degreed scientist's advice that she needs whole food nutrition, and detoxification to become healthy and avoid early death from obesity and its close friends. I'm really not able to process that one, except that as humans we tend to believe what is "comfortable" for us. Tunnel vision. Your reward, in this case, for tunnel vision, may be an early funeral. In a large box. With additional pall bearers. Who are straining under the weight of your dead self. But you get the idea.

Currently listening :
Almost There
By MercyMe
Release date: By 08 February, 2005

Oh, happy day

2006-09-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hello my people.

It's raining again, as it was in my last blog entry. I woke up today, thinking about my adventure transforming into a healthy and strong grandma. I started August 2nd, but really I made my decision a few weeks before that. It did take some graphic illustration for me to get the determination up to actually DO something about my weight gain. But when I did make the decision, I went on a mission. This in spite of the negative people who would like to bring me down or discourage me. "You'll lose too much weight" is something I've heard more than once. "Isn't it dangerous?" - that one from people who could find out that it's not, if they would just read about it. My favorite is when people want to know when this will be "over", as if it's a jail sentence. If you live your life with great habits, you'll get great results. That doesn't "be over". I intend to keep up these healthy eating (and sometimes not eating) habits for the rest of my life, which I expect will be relatively pain-free, will most certainly be lighter, and will be as illness-free as we can hope for in a dirty world. I choose health. Don't throw negative at that. How can you find negative to say about that? "Oh, I don't think you should be healthy. It requires discipline." Yeah, well. I'll loan you a dollar. Go get some at the discipline store. I hear there's a sale.

So this morning I weighed in at 136.5 pounds. Oh my gracious goodness.

Julie and her crew will be back later today. It's an exciting time, knowing little baby girl Julie will be in England for a school term. She feels like it's "forever", but that time will pass too quickly. Sarah May is also gone, and it also feels like forever, but I think I feel it more than she does. My children are scattering to the winds. Thank goodness for the good old postal service. Julie will have one more day to hang out at Casa de Shap with Laura and hopefully with me, at least a little bit! IF I can manage not to be at the store 9 hours. Sheesh.

I am flying to Phoenix, AZ, mid October for the Isagenix convention there. It's more of an educational seminar. YES. I plan to host at least one tasting party before that, so I have some experience "under my belt" ( and I can actually WEAR belts now!) before I go hang with the pros. It will be SO interesting and fun and exciting. Problem is - clothing. It should be pretty warm there, so summery stuff is good. I have little that fits me anymore... dang - I guess I'll have to go shopping.

Did I mention that I weighed in at 136 1/2 today?

AH yes.

Bye for now.

Rainy day

2006-09-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

It's raining today, and I welcome it and love it and wish it to stay. I also wish I could just stay home today and drink tea and look out the window at the rain, or sit on the deck with a sweater on and listen to the rain...

The sound of tires on the wet street makes me happy.

The sound of the water running from our downspout in the front of the house makes me happy.

Watching the cats try to tip-toe around puddles makes me happy.

I'm trying to drink coffee but it isn't making me happy.

Last night I went to my first "womens' function" at our church, Canyon Hills Community Church here in Bothell. www.canyonhillscommunitychurch.com

There were probably around 150 women, and I was intimidated as I walked in, slowly. I wished my sister Carol was with me. But I found a table with two friendly-looking women, and we were joined by 3 additional friendly-looking women. I met (really met, not just a "hello how are you") two of them. One of those two will, I believe, be someone I will connect with in the future. We signed up for the same Bible study starting in October, which will be led by (and was actually WRITTEN by) the other woman I met. The Bible Study leader is Patty, with the bright smile and happy short hair. The other woman is Ulla, who was born in Denmark and raised in California. I believe you pronounce her name "willa". She and I have SO much in common. She lives in Mill Creek and wants local friends. Some women put on one of the most hilarious skits I've ever seen. One actor was so funny, she broke the other actor up to the point she just hid her head in her hands. It was a RIOT. I'm going to have to pass the idea on to my sister, Virginia, who heads up the womens' ministries at Valley Bible Church in Rodeo. Hercules. Whatever. San Francisco suburb!

It was a fall dessert night thing, but I looked at the dessert table and it literally looked unappetizing to me. I had some sliced fruit and herb tea. Oh gosh, I'm growing healthy and boring!!!! I TRIED to entertain the idea of eating a piece of that amazing fluffy whipped chocolate stuff, but it just about turned my stomach. That's okay - I enjoyed my fruit, guilt-free, and sipped my tea with the best of them.

Right now I'm trying to enjoy a cup of coffee, as I said. It tastes like.... metal.

So I signed up for the one Bible Study class, Wednesday evenings from 7 to 9 right at the church. It's called 'Draw Me Close'. Sounds so good. If I were writing a Bible Study for me it would be called 'Sit me down, shut me up, and draw me close'! So this will do nicely.

David needs me at the store. I'm sure it's raining there too, so that's happy. But I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE MY HOUSE. waa.

I have a list of need to do stuff. I need to update our Web page (the work one) with all the prices I slashed yesterday. I need to pay business bills including the loan. OUCH OUCH OUCH. I need to make a list of items we'll need on hand to get the new inventory ready for sale on Monday. I need to get squirrel food that's healthy for my little gray friends.

I went to the rabbit and rodent house (our next business neighbor) last night and found out that the packaged commercial squirrel food is not healthy for them. It's all fat and no protein. Dang. And I was so happily feeding them. So.... gotta find some healthy bulk nuts and get some bruised or old fruit. Wouldn't want the squirrels to be needing a little squirrel weight loss program. We're poisoning God's perfect creations by feeding them the way WE eat. Yikes. I feel so guilty!!!

David ran into Adam at Wendy's yesterday. *sigh* I remember Adam.

I need to go. But it's so friendly talking with you here.

Steffy is lying in the dining room behind me, and I've left the back door open a bit for the cats to come and go so they feel powerful. It's fairly silent here, other than the occasional passing car and the dripping I hear from outside. A great day.

Take care.

Mom Shap

Good morning!

2006-09-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

And I do mean GOOD morning.

I'm on the Isagenix health and wellness program, as most of you know. I started out in early August at just over 160 pounds. What drove me to get on this seemingly radical program was shock at how much weight I'd gained "silently", and knowing that it was either the beginning of becoming a chronically overweight person, or the beginning of a new approach to nutrition and life. My clothes didn't fit properly, I was buying larger sizes and seeing them become tight, and I was catching reflections of myself in store windows and mirrors and being mortified. That's me; everyone gets to choose how they want to live. But as I look around this beautiful area in which we live, with all of the fresh produce available and all of the places to walk and hike and swim, I wonder at the exceptional number of obese people who lumber through life barely huffing and puffing into Safeway to load up on Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Hershey bars and frozen french fries. Anyway, I took a horrified look at myself and said - "That is the direction you are going!"

But being impatient, I wanted it fixed NOW. I had a guy on MySpace who added me, and he seemed interesting. He has a couple of web pages, and I believe one is called 'Lost my Big Butt'. He started out at well over 300 pounds, and has lost 64+ pounds since January of this year. I was inspired, and interested, so I checked into the program he is on. I cringed when I saw the 9-day cleanse would cost me about $150. But I got it - as I said, I was mortified at the sight of me. 11 days after it arrived, I weighed exactly 145 pounds and felt WONDERFUL. So I quit the program. CRAZY you say? Yes, indeed. If it was such a great program, with such amazing products that are whole foods, healthy nutrition, great suppliments, clean and lean and so great for the body and mind and spirit, why would I QUIT???? Because I thought I'd put my own program together and save money. With inferior products.

A week later I went onto the Isagenix 30-day program. :-) This program starts with the very scientifically sound and easily proven premise that we are toxic people, holding onto our poison in fat cells, and we need to be cleansed, and nurished, and revitalized.

I figured out a few facts, some math facts and some logic. I wouldn't start putting sugar water into my car because it was cheaper. I wouldn't skip oil changes to save a few bucks. AND, if I stopped buying fast food lunches while working at the store, I'd save over $100 a month. Gotta figure in there my success as well as all the other peoples' success using Isagenix as a base for a totally healthy nutritional lifestyle.

Back on the program, I have very obviously continued to see real results. I wanted to resist weighing myself until tomorrow since I'm on the cleanse days of the wellness routine and I'm sure I'll be down a couple by tomorrow. Well, I couldn't resist, and I stepped on the scale this morning.

139.

I weighed that about 10 years ago.

I'm looking forward to a steak and fresh corn on the cob dinner tomorrow.

I'm also thinking VERY seriously about introducing a bunch of people to this health and wellness program. I didn't start out with the intention of "selling" anything. I signed on as an associate so I could save a few bucks on my 30-day package of products. But like I said; everywhere around here there are people struggling to just walk up to the door at McDonalds! I want to hug them, hand them a card, and say "Honestly. It doesn't have to be this way".

So there is this amazing guy in the company who is willing to fly here from somewhere - Montana I think, and do an in-home "tasting" party for me to introduce a bunch of people to this miracle stuff I'm consuming.

The shakes are actually quite good. I think one reason I "only" lost 15 pounds the first 11 days is I was adding things to the shakes sometimes. Yogurt, fruit, etc. You shouldn't do that until a few weeks later. I'm drinking about a gallon of water a day. The little snacks are amazing, and I enjoy getting to eat raw almonds every day. I have an energy drink mix, too, which is nice for gym days.

I feel fairly well qualified to tell people this works now that I've seen 20 pounds of pure FAT disappear in about a month. Ok, just over 21 pounds. :-) Got a month? Get way thinner. Got a brain? Don't leave the program once you start. When you reach your goal, you'll want to just stay healthy for life. I want to be a healthy 70-year-old grandma who runs around the yard with the kids!

I just had to share the 139 thing.

I broke 140! YESSSSSSSS!

Catching up

2006-08-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hi all.

I'm catching up on stuff. Today I just decided to go ahead and take the day off although I knew full well I'd be busy if I went into the store. I had an appointment at our new gym at 10 this morning for my "quick fit". This is basically the moment of truth when you are weighed, measured, body fat percentage checked, strength, heart rate and blood pressure checked. I checked out quite well in weight, strength, heart rate, and blood pressure. Body fat percentage? GOODNESS. 37% of me is F.A.T. Yikes. But we also did a goal assessment and sort of a fitness plan. The trainer liked the path I'm on, and gave me some great tips. I explained to her that I'd just taken off 15 pounds and am still on the Isagenix program. She got all excited because she has also purchased the Isagenix program but hasn't started on it yet. We talked about that for a while. Yes, it takes a bit of discipline to accomplish the goals of the program, but it's EASY and practically a no-brainer.

This is something awesome. Today I weighed in at 143.5 pounds. On August 2nd I was 160. My pants were loose. OH MAN and my bathing suit was loose.

On Friday I felt a tightness in my left calf muscle but didn't really do anything about it. At about 3 in the afternoon I decided to get Kirby a Starbucks mocha frap and myself an iced green tea with Splenda. I walked across all 4 lanes of Lake City Way, HOPPING over the median barrier. WRONG ANSWER. I felt, and could almost swear I HEARD, a snap in my calf. Like a rubber band breaking or a balloon popping. Hot, searing pain went up my leg and I suddenly became unable to use that leg... oh man I was a hurtin' unit. But I hobbled the rest of the way, got the Starbucks, invoking much sympathy from the young staff, and then walked (the LONG way, not back across the 4 lanes) back to our store. Pain, pain pain. I was shuffling along like a 90 year old grandma. Even I found that funny. Anyway, I figured I'd torn something, so I applied heat, then cold, and took Ibuprophen like a good self-diagnosing smarty.

Today at the gym, the trainer agreed with my diagnosis and showed me the stretch which would help me. It DID. So much so that after I left the gym today I spent all afternoon working HARD in the yard. I clipped, weeded, pulled, trimmed, hauled away, hula-hoed, and had a grand old time. I climbed up on the upper hill thing and everything. NO leg pain, except once in a while if I landed wrong. No more swelling tonight, either, really. A little, but not bad. The discoloration is just developing, and should be pretty by tomorrow.

In the gym we go to there are two saunas. I decided to sit in there for 10 minutes to help the old calf muscle relax. The sign on the door clearly says "no nudity", but the senior citizen inside paid no attention to that. So there I was, deep in conversation with this saggy, baggy, old thing. It was quite amusing, really. But I was just happy that my bathing suit was baggy too. I did stretches, crunches, and some weight training, then left for the yard work marathon.

Tomorrow it's back to business as usual. But today has been fun.

With the Isagenix 30 day program, you have a fat flush or cleanse 4 times during the month. I've chosen Mondays. On the 9 day program you cleanse 2 days, have two meal replacement shakes and one meal for 5 days, then cleanse again for 2. On the month long program you have the two shakes one meal day all but 4 days of the month. I think at this rate I may reach my ultimate goal of 138 which is 10 pounds heavier than I was in high school, by the middle to end of September. That may end up being TOO thin at my age. What my real goal is is to forget the whole poundage thing and just feel good and wear size 10 and some size 8.

SPEAKING OF THAT!!!! David took me shopping tonight and we went to the Eddie Bower outlet in Woodinville. I bought a new sweater and a camisol to go under it. Read 'em and weep, baby - I bought MEDIUM. Yes, yes it's true! And it's properly tight, and by howdy, it looks GOOD! SHAZAM.

I am SO happy. I was feeling hungry (still am actually!) and a wee bit weary of not eating (woo, one day of not eating!) but the look of that pretty brown sweater and then the reading on the scale cheered me right up!

I'm tellin' ya, I LOVE Isagenix. I want to grab overweight people in the store and say - "it doesn't have to be this way, honey! You've GOT to try this amazing product." It may come to that one day. I'm getting pretty fanatical.

Taking your own advice isn't as much fun

2006-08-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

I have posted rantings on this forum before, and then I rant about someone ranting about someone on a forum such as this. Hippo wha?

I don't "name names" but the involved party, if they happen to read the blog, would most certainly recognize themselves.

I had that happen once, actually, with an un-involved party recognizing my reference to the involved party and alerting them. But that resulted in a phone call which is cool.

That hasn't happened lately.

But I do feel badly ranting about someone ranting about someone in a blog in a blog.

So enough of that.

Then there's forgiveness.

I said that we have basically no "rights" as human beings. We get to take a breath following the last because of the grace of God alone. I don't always live this way, however, and I would like to be able to demand
Honesty
Fairness
Understanding

I don't get to demand.

I have the command to forgive, however. It's one of those "if" clauses we all like to ignore. I want to know God has forgiven me, but I want the one who has wronged me to plead for and somehow earn MY forgiveness. And yet He clearly states that we have to open up our hearts to give and not expect anything in return.

So shall I forgive the one who has harmed me, or harmed my child, or shall I refuse to forgive until there is an apology and an admission of wrongdoing?

The answer to that one I figure I really know; having it written on my little heart when I was three. It's still there. Hard as it is, it's the thing I have to do in order to be obedient. Hear little Greggy singing "O B E D I E ansuh E" (at 3 he didn't realize he was spelling something) "Obedience is the very bes way, to show dat you believe"

But what of the one who hurts themselves by walking away from God's way, and acts like all is well? That's where I'm stuck.

I don't know what to do with chair #3. You'd have to have been there for the very powerful sermon which left a number of us literally on our faces or knees. Chairs were used to represent peoples' places spritually. Chair 4 was the unbeliever. Chair 3 was the unfortunate soul who fancied himself/herself to be a Christian (Perhaps "Christian/other" as I have ranted about regarding MySpace before!) and yet have NO idea about giving their heart and motives over to the control of God Himself. They are more "club members" who feel they have, somewhere in the dust under their bed, a ticket to heaven. These are the ones who will be utterly shocked and dismayed when faced with the horrible truth on Judgement Day when God Himself booms "Depart from me. I never knew you."

So you talk to them, and they happily nod their agreement to being that Christian/other and yet you know... No way. You see the plumb line; the Bible. You see their lives; the world. They don't line up, or even remotely look alike. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Gotta try.

If I knew that they were eating little bits of poison each day which would eventually kill them, would I stay silent????

Arrrgh.

I'm glad I'm reading Romans right now because I SO identify with that book.

Tonight we went to a Warren Barfield concert at Canyon Hills. AWESOME.

Now I just feel defeated and weary and wonder if I will ever be bold enough to confront and hopefully rescue.

Eye Dunno.

I'm gonna try to post a picture. It's me and Laura on our girls only outing day Monday. She makes me laugh. A lot. That's happy.

Ok, bye then.

Hey, I have an idea!!!

2006-08-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

Next time we have a problem with a good friend, let's get online, go to our favorite blog forum, write some facts, lots of color, some wild imaginations, and some liberally thought up opinion, mix this with the discretion of a substantial amount of alcohol, and just type away. Let's use names! Let's leave nothing to the imagination of anyone! That way, when the friend finds what we've written, and knows how many mutual friends will have access to the information IN WRITING, they will be emotionally and maybe even physically wounded very, very effectively. Once it's in writing, of course, especially on the Internet, it never goes away. Wow, what an efficient use of just a small half hour of time.

What will this accomplish, you might ask? Well, as I said, the friend will be deeply wounded and embarrassed. They might even cry or lose sleep. They may face the shunning or criticism of mutual friends who do not know enough to separate fact from wild fiction. This is how I want to always treat my friends, don't you? It shows maturity, thoughtfulness, kindness, and a higher than average intellegence.

While we're on a roll writing about real and imagined hurts at the hand of this friend, no doubt some past history will come to our mind. No holds barred! Don't stick to the present, heck, toss in enough old history to color it up well! Opinionate! You don't have creative writing ability to just stick to the facts! Opinionate on things which have no effect on you whatsoever, as if they hurt you deeply! Come ON! It's really theraputic and fun. You just feel SO cleansed when you're done. What's that? It might permanantly damage the relationship? Well, yeah, but look how much you're getting in exchange! Your other friends think you are all that, and that the other friend is dog poop scum! People who were not aware of some hidden hurt or mistake of the other friend are now educated! And we all have a right to know, right? Of course we do. Because we are CONCERNED.

Later, if all becomes made right again between you, you can just take it all back, right? Right? And it will all be okie dokie, right? Huh? Wha? Honestly, I'm having trouble hearing you.

Oh, yeah, one little eensy piece of advice though. Make sure all of your readers have the same dictionary. Words need to mean the same to all of us to make sense. One big word jumps out at me. "Cheating". In the context of a marriage relationship, it generally means adultry. In a biblical dating relationship, it may mean something as seemingly innocent as a kiss, or a hand holding, or a walk on the beach. But if you are coming from your morally bankrupt point of view, and to you dating means who am I sleeping with at this time, you need to define "cheating" as you are reporting on it in another's life. We need to be suitably shocked, but we need to understand what we're being shocked at. I'd hate to think that someone might pass on your great work of fiction mixed with some facts and sprinkled with names, and incorrectly drag the subject of your story into a lifestyle which is of the same lack of biblical values yours is. I mean, really. Other than that, type your heart out! I think we all should. Our worlds would be SO much better if we all just acted on our impulses and published our every thought about each of our friends. Spare nothing! Once the words are defined, make sure you get that point across.

Have you thought about getting a billboard? Hey, now, that's another idea!!!!! I'm there, girlfriend! Watch out as you drive down Bothell Way. Right there. There on the right. Woo. Is that you? Could be.

Silent too long

2006-08-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

But it's really the fault of MySpace. Really.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, while I'm shrinking. (I've now lost about 12 pounds in a week and a half)

I've been thinking about priorities and all of the "I can'ts" that I say and that I hear. I say "I can't" spend time in the Word daily because
1:Too busy
2:Have to get to the office by 9

Yet, do I check email daily? Why yes, why yes I do.

So this morning I decided no anything else until I do Priority #1 which would be to spend time getting to know the ultimate life-skills book. A letter from the Creator. Priorities.

I have "no" time to go to the gym for the very same reason. And yet, whaddaya know, at the time I'd normally flip on the TV, I can get right down to the gym for an hour and feel MUCH better than i would if I had spent that hour channel surfing.

And on it goes. Can't go to church because? Can't live a holy life because? Can't reach my goals because? BECAUSE the priority is not there.

It's tough to change! Compromise is way, way easier.

But in the past week and a half I've learned to enjoy the feeling of hunger as a sign that excess me is being hauled off in the river of 80+ oz of water I'm drinking per day. And I can "CAN" do that because it's become a priority. I want to solve a (somewhat) small problem before it becomes a (literally) large problem. That's MY priority. I choose healthy rather than comfy, and that's my choice and my current priority as far as habits go. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, gets a huge box of choices dropped down to them every single day and even every single minute.

I remember when several co-workers joined Golds Gym in Wenatchee for the 12-week fitness challenge. I was so mad. I thought: "I CAN'T do that, and now they'll all get skinny and wonderful and I'll be all frumpy and lumpy." Well, in fact I "COULD" have done that if I made it a priority, and I could have had fun right along with them. However, they all abandoned the program and really didn't change much physically after all! Later I actually did join 'Curves' and had a great time with the 90-year-old women. I felt great, and it actually fit into my shift work days after all.

I can read books if I set aside time to do so.

I can give money to a poor person who comes to me in need if I stretch just a little.

I can pray while I drive.

Now I also can get to bed before it gets any later so that I can rise early enough to spend time in the Word! I'm not sure I have enough *OOMPH* to get up at 5 or 6 so I can go to the gym before our store opens. We have a Creation seminar Thurs and Fri nights, as well as all day Saturday. HOW are we going to find time to do THAT???? Priorities. It's important to me, so I "can" do it.

That is the way it is with SO many things, and I'm so old to finally be figuring this out.

Betty

2006-07-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

Betty looks like the weight of the years has nearly been too much for her. She walks slowly into my store, not knowing if she should dread the time she will spend with me. She is weary, and her eyes search mine looking for hope. I own a store, and she has nothing. Nothing but her washing machine. And she is hoping that I will buy it.

She is a black woman, and as she approaches with that look in her eyes, I hope she doesn't expect ill treatment because of my color.

She has been evicted from her apartment, and the landlord says she must be out today, even though she has no help, no money, and no moving truck. She does have a place to go, but doesn't know how she'll get there.

So she "bums" $3 from someone, puts a little gas into her old rig, and somehow loads up and brings her washing machine to me.

I tell her that it's not good news about the washing machine. I can only pay her $70 for the washer, and I'm afraid that won't get her moved. When I say this, I see the tiny hope she had fade to nothing.

God whispers to me.

She believes that I don't trust her, so she asks me to call the moving truck rental company and check on the price she will have to pay to move to the new town nearby. I do this, and even ask for an estimate of the gas money it will take, as well as the mileage charge. We do the math. While I'm on the phone, she eats several of the candy bars in the dish on my desk. Embarrassed, she says softly "I'm hungry."

I lock eyes with this woman, and I say, "We have to take care of each other. I will rent your moving truck, and pay for the gas."

She starts to cry. She says "Thank you Jesus" and I seize this opportunity. "Thank you Jesus. Yes, I believe this is the store you were appointed to visit today." We talk a bit about God's care, and she tells me that God will bless me for what I am doing. I tell her that God HAS blessed me, which is why I'm doing it. I tell her that I want her to stay in touch with me and let me know how things go. She takes my business card; the one with my cell number.

As we walk outside to get the washing machine out of her rig, she is still crying. She asks if she can hug me. Of course. She hugs me hard, and I feel her thankfulness. More than anything I want her to know that I don't look down on her, but that she is walking this same rough road and it's my turn to help her. Next time, it might be me.

I wonder what has happened in Betty's life that leaves her with nobody to help. She says she has a 19-year-old daughter who is concerned only with herself. I think of Laura, and how she would run to help me if I called her. I think, how can this woman have gotten to be the same age I am and yet not have a support net to fall into? I cannot imagine living life without being loved dearly.

Betty will rent the moving truck for cash. She will somehow empty her apartment, alone, and move to the new place, alone. Maybe she knows OF God, but doesn't know God. Maybe this day will be the turning point for her, and rather than just being able to get a moving truck, she'll learn about securing a heavenly home one day. One thing that I know for sure is that God did arrange for us to meet, and He timed it so that I would have just enough to cover that truck, right there available.

I plan to call Betty next week. She has worth, but I believe she's lost sight of that. She is on "disability", for what I do not know. I do know that she looks like she's in pain, and she walks slowly. Her deep brown eyes are large and her skin is beautiful. She looks like she might almost expect to be ridiculed or even struck.

We went to the mountain!

2006-07-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

Mount St Helens stands tall and proud amidst a combination of fallen, scattered giant trees, debris, lingering ash, and new growth. Her face has changed, and she has no green on her upper side, but she's standing. She stands in defiance of the evolutionist or old-earth creationist and laughs as, in our lifetime, we see the mystery unfold. Walking around that place is to feel the mighty hand of God Himself. One of our guides quoted a scripture just as we began our ascent, and I do not know it by heart, but it talks about the devastation God has brought. It looks, when you are standing there, like someone plucked each tree from its spot and tossed it. HUGE root systems, lying on their sides. Everything destroyed. But you also see all of the new growth, the animals returning, and the mountain coming back at amazing speed. No, it's not taking "billions and billions of years". And much of what you are able to observe is similar to the effects the flood of Noah had on the earth, which so-called scientists have attempted to deny. I believe God knew that men would witness this and have to force themselves to just look away, or to know that there is a Creator and He deserves to be acknowledged.

We left (I ALMOST SAID "WENATCHEE") here at a little after 5:30 I think. We drove down to Randle (?) in the area of I5/SR12. I slept a LOT on the way, so the trip went very quickly. At breakfast I was very relieved, because we ran into many of the other people who would be hiking, and they were all at least 15 years older than me! At that point I knew I could make the climb.

The first fun thing we got to see was on 25 road, wherever that is! There was a black bear, a young one, just sitting on the road as we approached. It casually stood up and walked off, and I could not get to the camera on time or I would have a great picture.

We gathered with our group, and stood at the trail head, a diverse community. There was an engineer, several scientists, a lecturer and keeper of a museum, a teacher, and many others. The common ground among us was faith in God and a belief that the literal interpretation of scripture where creation is concerned is paramount to the Christian faith.

WHAT A DAY. It is rare that you have one of those days that sort of does it all. The sights, sounds, smells... amazing. The company... amazing. The conversation... amazing and God-honoring. For the whole day we were in this odd community, and I loved every single minute. Except for those lung wrenching quick ascends up the gravel strewn path. Those hurt. But they were well worth it. Sitting in the snow was SO GREAT on this hot, hot day.

We hiked for a total of 4.4 miles up and back, and gained 800 feet in altitude. The trip down was WAY easier!!!!!

I learned a lot, but the main thing I took away was - we NEED to be surrounded, as often as possible, by believers who encourage and sharpen us. Who challenge us to THINK.

I am sore! But I am not sorry, and I'd take that hike again in a moment. I even got new hiking shoes and pants. I was VERY thankful for both by the end of that hike.

That was my day on Saturday. What did YOU do??? Ha ha ha.

Mean people

2006-06-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Why do people have to be mean? Why do they have to be arrogant?

A customer today had one of the worst cases of "the world revolves around ME" that I have ever, ever seen. Example: Our store is in "Seattle". We live in "Seattle", but actually it's Bothell. We deliver to "Seattle" or Mountlake Terrace, Edmonds, Shoreline, Lake City, Ballard, Woodinville, Redmond, Kirkland - you get the idea. When I asked her to which city is the refrigerator going she replied with a HUGE Valley Girl DUH in her voice... "To SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, you know... the city where we ARE right now????" Whatever!!! I so wanted to stand up and put my hands around her throat and shake her back and forth like a rag doll. I did that, in my mind. It made me smile a little. But only a little.

This woman was so condescending to me that it was almost a joke. She even instructed me to clean the appliance before touching up the ding in the paint because it would not be good to paint dirt. Really????? Oh I'm so not worthy to be in your presence. Argh.

Kirby nailed it. He said she was probably insecure. Insecure people tend to belittle other people to make themselves appear to be better. Secure people accept other ideas and people and suggestions, and don't feel the need to step on everyone else. I believe he got that right.

In her defense, she had purchased the exact same fridge at Home Depot, and somehow they lost the paperwork and not only neglected to deliver it, but sold it to someone else! That's gotta make ya mad. But it wasn't MY fault! Goodness. I know she partially took it out on me. She arrived with a little dog on a little harness, and that should have been warning sign #1. She wore super expensive clothing and shoes and that should have been warning sign #2. But I don't think money itself is guilty of making people into insufferable wretches. I think if I had a million dollars I'd be the same scatter brained feed you ignore me kinda guy. Don't you? I hope to prove this soon. ;-)

Speaking of feeding you, I marinaded chicken all day while we were at the store. Right now it is the most amazing shade and is glistening on the grill beside a pan of water. Fresh corn on the cob is ready. I dished up Trader Joe's apple sauce and made baked potatoes. We're in for a real treat here in a few minutes. The witchy woman will fade into yesterday's news, which is one of the purposes of blogging... you get it all out of your system. I'm not convinced anyone really READS this drabble, but anyway...

Don't be a mean people. Don't step on others to make yourself appear taller. It really doesn't work in the end. You appear very small when you lash out at everyone around you. Plus your funeral doesn't score a high attendance.

You are a doll for reading this. Really.

Emery is my friend

2006-06-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm sure they add every fan that requests it, but still. Of course I'm talking about MySpace. Something about that band. I love listening to them, and they are my best house cleaning inspiration if I'm not listening to Blindside. In the past 3-4 years I have been introduced to a lot of new bands. My musical taste has expanded considerably. I still love reggae, and Celtic music, and Louis Armstrong. I'm glad that Justin, Greg and Laura have shared their musical experiences with me all along, so I'm educated and well exposed to all sorts of new sounds. I don't like them all. I CAN'T listen to 'Me Without You'. It irritates me. With or without you! Ha ha.

I guess I've been opinionated musically since I was about 4. That's when I was taught harmony by my sisters. I always sang, and even led the music in Childrens Church at Northeast Assembly of God in Fresno when I was about 9. Maybe 10? The first time I sang seriously I was 16 and asked to sing with a group of 3 teens from Full Gospel Tabernacle. I think we had a name... Goodness, I can't remember. We even got to sing on the radio and on TV. OH YEAH we were 'Branch'. We got together and prayed in the basement of our church, and practiced down there. All we had was a piano.

I was raised surrounded by mostly worship music. In our household it was expected that you would do music in church. Paul played the trombone and I TRIED to play the clarinet in the little church band, but it was a sad attempt! We sang in youth choirs, small groups, large choirs, whatever came along. My sisters always sang together and with other girls. My aunt used to solo often at church and I remember her borrowing the pastor's glasses because she forgot hers.

When we moved to Rodeo, California, I started a kids group called 'M-Ajn', pronounced imagine and standing for "making a joyful noise". They were taught 3-part harmony and it was absolutely magical when it came together. The youngest was 4. We sang constantly. We would sit around the little old coffee table at our house in Rodeo, and it didn't matter that we were SO poor and things were rough; those kids sang their hearts out. Several of the kids in that little group went on to lead worship at church, and I believe all are still involved in music.

Recently I found old tapes I had sent my mom and dad when the kids were little. Carol had packed them away for me as the home was boxed up and sold. It made me cry to hear a 3-year-old Greg singing so sincerely "I'm happy today, I'm happy today, in Jesus Christ so I'm happy today, because He took all my sins away at the cross and that's why I'm happy today." But he said Ine, rather than I'm.

Something about music that makes an impact in our lives...

Meeting Johanna Chase this past week really got me thinking about how many issues are expressed and often resolved with music.

In musical groups you find the deepest bonds, and the deepest hurts. Music is different than any other expression a human being has. I think it may be one of God's most precious gifts, and that He loves and enjoys music too.

One of my very favorite expressions, and you hear it fairly often in Christian songs, is "sing over me". When I used to put the kids to bed, I would rub and pat their backs and sing over them. I would sing softly, songs of safety and God's care. Singing over them. So that picture of God singing over us, angels singing over us, "Host of Heaven, sing over me" as the Newsboys put it, is so comforting and encouraging. We are a friend of God. That is way more impressive than Emery being my friend on MySpace.

I wonder if Justin remembers hearing me sing "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There's just something about that name. Master, Savior, Jesus. Like the fragrance after the rain." Many nights it took about 3,567 repeats before he'd fall asleep.

I'll say yes

2006-06-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

For no particular reason, out of the blue, came the words to an old, old song we used to sing at Valley Bible Church. 'I'll Say Yes, Lord, Yes'. Maybe it's because it was Sunday evening, and at Valley, Sunday evenings were "blue book" time, and old choruses were sung with gusto out of that old, blue little folder filled with typewritten lyrics. "I'll say 'yes, Lord, yes', to Your will and to Your way..."

Easy, mostly, to say "Yes" to salvation. Oh, certainly, I would rather spend eternity in heaven than hell. No brainer, right? As long as you see your NEED for salvation, that is. But after that, saying "yes" to His will and way, not so much. I'd rather say yes to my own way, thank you very much, but it would be nice if I could please get all the things I ask for on my knees.

Going to Canyon Hills has been probably the best thing that could have happened to me. There is absolutely NO compromise. Little things are not okay. I'm even feeling like canceling cable TV, as I said, and certainly I'm being very selective even thinking about movie watching. Not that I watch movies these days. Between the gorgeous outdoors and getting back to reading, there is little time. But that pursuit of holiness is very contagious. It's just a call back to where we used to be.

I'll say yes. Not reluctantly. Not feeling like I'm giving something up.

It's a lot like saying yes to colon cleansing. I know I lost you on that one, but really. Seriously. There is crud in there that just needs to be cleansed out so the body can operate properly. Toxins inside cause a slow death. Toxins in your soul are worse. Canyon Hills has proven to be a soul cleanse.

I met a rather intense young lady last night. Johanna Chase did a small concert at Canyon Hills. We didn't go to the Saturday nite service or go to the pizza thing, we came just for her concert. She blew me away, both of us, really. Her talent on the guitar was almost unbelievable. I kept looking for that second or third guitarist but no, it was just her. Check her out on myspace music. Or go to my MySpace www.myspace.com/momshap and click on her photo. Johanna has been smacked between the eyes by certain truths and she sings passionately about this with no regard for the world's opinion. I want to get to know her better, and maybe feed her dinner. At the very least, she needs to sit and have tea and cookies with Mom Shap.

God's way, no matter what your argument, is always the best way. You get the idea that perhaps the One who created us might have a clue as to what helps us live better lives. HUGE revelation there.

And for those of you who do read this and wonder about the confrontation resolution I have been seeking; there was one resolution of sorts. Not from the one who responded by lying, but from the silent one. The injured party did not approach me, but sent an agent (spouse) to do the resolution. There was not, in a direct way, a real RESOLUTION, but there was something of understanding in the end. The conversation, although sometimes intense, was easy and friendly. I, for once, stood my ground without getting hostile, and stayed on topic. I defended my position humbly, but firmly, and I thank God for wisdom and patience. Because I went into the confrontation with the goal in mind of HELPING and not hurting, I had no regrets or remorse. Still, I do wish the wronged one had come forward.

One day perhaps we will talk in person about this. But until then, at least my motives were conveyed and the tenderness I intended was received. Again; God is to be thanked.

I am having WAY too much fun with MySpace. Laura created a page for me, and I went to a pimping page and snazzed it right up. Felt pretty good about myself for that one. It really pleases me that almost all my "friends" are under 25. I did find one classmate from McLane Highschool from the 70's. She remembered me. How could she not???? I was one of the loudest kids in the school. Go figure!

Take care.

Race is a fact, but doesn't have to be a factor

2006-06-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

I got two phone calls from them before they came into the store. Both asked the same questions, and were given the same answers. Yes, I have cheap refrigerators. Yes, stoves too. I detected a bit of an accent with the first caller, and the second sounded like she might be a black woman.

About two hours later, in walked the group. Two younger women and one older, looking tired and apprehensive. The older woman was such a perfectly typical little black grandma, and I figured the other two to be her granddaughter and a friend, because I wasn't sure of the race of the second young woman. Her skin was a beautiful brown shade, but light, and the other young woman was a strikingly beautiful young black woman.

The older woman pulled me to her, and confided that she was from L'eesiana, just visiting, and hadn't seen her daughter in nigh onto four years. She was weary, bone tired, and not wealthy, but she needed a good refrigerator and stove for her daughter. You see, her granddaughter was graduating the next day, and they had no working refrigerator or stove, and her daughter had no money.

I set them up, and promised delivery that day as soon as possible. She nearly hugged me. She praised me up and down and thought I was the most wonderful person she had ever met. She tried hard to find something else to buy, but I reminded her that nothing we sell would fit on the plane...

Delivery time. I went along just to see these people again. I discovered the second young woman was this older woman's youngest daughter. When I walked into the house, the woman informed her older daughter that I was "family" and became family the moment she first met me. She punctuated this by taking my hand and kissing it, twice. She said to the other family members "Did you see that? Did you see what I did? This is the first white woman that I have ever kissed on the back of the hand." She was impressed with herself, and it made me wonder.

Is SHE used to not being accepted by white people, or is she not used to LIKING white people? Living in Louisiana, I would imagine she is not necessarily immersed in a variety of skin colors. And while there are some cultural differences, it hadn't occurred to me that she would treat me in some other way than anyone would in the situation. That's when I thought up that phrase - "race IS a fact, but it doesn't have to be a factor". It's a fact that she is black and I am white. But it's a fact that I would have taken her home in an instant, and race wasn't a factor.

We talked about a lot of things there at the house. The daughter seemed apologetic about the worn condition of her wood floors. I told her that my kitchen looks much the same, and to me it was a blessing because then I didn't have to worry that any of my many children would mark up the floor. The older woman patted her on the leg and said "Didn't I tell you she was something special?"

It turned out that the first caller was a rather healthy looking man from Africa. He proved to be a very able helper for David in loading the old appliances up and moving them out, and bringing in the new.

It humbled me deeply to see how grateful these people were for the "new" appliances we brought.

I got "mama's" address and phone number; she INSISTED I take both her home and cell numbers. I plan to send her a little Starbucks mug and a card. She made my day.

Conflict resolution

2006-06-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

Resolving conflict is a lot harder when
1)The other involved party simply lies to you
2)The other involved party does not answer you

Not having been born yesterday, I am pretty much aware of it when someone tells me a whopper! My natural side wants to laugh out loud and say "OH COME ON!!!!" and then just walk away. My spiritual side is trying to figure out what to do with the lies. Or if there is any point in resolving this conflict. If you just "let it go" it's a relationship gone, not a relationship in conflict.

The other, the un-answering party, is not so much a "conflict" as it is a needful confrontation and what almost feels like intervention. I don't hold all the answers to life's decisions, but there are some decisions that are so outrageous that they call for intervention. This is especially true when the decision made will affect not only the make-ers, but the make-ee and all the surrounding support people. So what do you do when you bite the bullet and send the information and silence falls? It's as if there never was a request for opinion, and then a very definite opinion given. It all vanished. Sooner or later there will be evidence that this thing will still be attempted, against all good advice, or it will be abandoned, having considered and then acting on the advice. Either way, it would be nice to have the communication acknowledged. That's probably one reason Pastor Steve advised against conflict resolution via email. I knew he was right, but as usual it's so much the "easier" way to go...

But the first conflict resolution was attempted via phone call. It's that one that was answered with a lie. What is sometimes comical about one who is in the midst of telling the lie while they are composing it, is how the first part of the communication of this lie is stilted and a bit stuttered, and then the story forms in the mind of the teller and gains momentum. You can almost see them visualizing the components of the lie, and the telling becomes easier as the fiction takes on a picture. I'm not sure why people do this, because that's a lot of detail to remember later if the subject should come up again.

In this case, I am hurt to have been lied to. Actually, this one was a three-part lie, and I don't really think I deserve to be lied to. But as I told my sister, lately God has impressed on me that the only thing sinful humanity DESERVES is death, and God in His great mercy has granted us not only life, but life abundant. When we whine and cry that we "deserve better than this", on what are we basing that statement? I deserve to die. But Christ died for me, and I've accepted His death as payment for my sin. Now I get to trust God with the details of my life. But the only evidence that I have accepted that payment and have determined to live as a new creation, is my daily life choices. My works don't save me, but the things I do most certainly display either a new creation or a sinful fallen human being. The two conditions don't live in the same body in peace and harmony.

Now I must fold up my soap box and become useful.

On my list of things to do today are some fun things and some not so fun things.
Fun: Making home made bread
Fun: Mailing birthday present to Sarah, LATE
Fun: Going to Woodinville to get some exceptionally cheap shelves
Fun: Mopping and dusting and vacuuming with Emery playing loudly
Fun: Watering and feeding birds and squirrels
Fun: Making a wonderful dinner for my valuable employees

Not fun: Cleaning toilets
Not fun: Shopping for all the food
Not fun: Re-making the guest beds

Not fun will also be this continued mental conversation about conflict resolution. Do you drop it, and let the person just drift on? Or do you "push" it, and say that you are well aware that you are being lied to? I am tending to want to take the easy way out, especially since 4/5ths of my family is urging that. As I said before; Pastor Steve believes you are giving up on a person (self-called "believer") if you see an obvious violation of God's laws in their daily lives and you fail to confront, with the goal of restoration. But if the initial conversation is answered with a quickly-constructed but rapidly embellished lie, how can that indicate a tender heart which would respond to godly correction?

Hmm.

A Tail of Two Rodents

2006-06-08T10:05:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday afternoon David was home and saw what he described as a RAT run through the family room and dart under the couch. I was sure he was kidding, since it's impossible for me to imagine having rodents, especially with our two cats who love to hunt and kill.

When I got home that evening, our little kitty StrongBad was intently staring at the bottom of the range. I figured little rat was hiding under there, so we pulled the oven drawer completely out and BabyBad stayed right there, under the range. She stayed there into the night, even when Greg and Michael arrived at midnight. Greg was preparing to fly out of SeaTac Thursday morning for his camp counsellor duties in Colorado. Michael brought him, and also brought a large basket of dirty laundry. I stayed up until 2am washing and drying his clothes, as mentioned in my last blog. Sometime between the hours of midnight and two, I heard a scuffle and some pitiful squeeks coming from the rat. I thought the little hunter had done her job. Later, I looked for a body or body parts but found none.

In the morning, or rather later that same morning, I decided the boys could have toaster waffles to make things easy. I heard the tell-tale sound of a little creature under the stove again. I figured I'd crank up the heat in the oven and maybe flush the sucker out. I turned it up to 350 and Greg had his toaster waffle and all was well. He woke Michael up, and Michael sleepily came to the kitchen for his small breakfast too. As Michael and David were standing in front of the stove and toaster, the heat trick worked and the MOUSE, although it was a large mouse, scurried up behind the stove and onto the counter, but they didn't notice...
Michael's waffle was in the toaster and suddenly, from the toaster, intense squeeks came. LOUDLY. I could hear them from the living room. The toaster waffle popped up, and then so did the mouse, and he tried to make his way back to the hiding place under the stove. Michael tried to corner him, and David grabbed StrongBad and let her see the little prey. StrongBad was not too interested, and when David tossed her aside, Steffy the dog came up and gave her a verbal lashing. The mouse got past Michael's hands, and Michael securely grabbed the little guy by the tail. The mouse was determined to get away, so it pitched itself behind the top of the stove, clawing its way down. Michael was left holding just a tail. Much laughter from the kitchen. Michael sat down to eat his toaster waffles, and prayed that God would protect him from the "toasted mouse germs".

I drove Greg to the airport, and felt like I'd hit a wall by the time I got home. I tried to take a nap, but I just couldn't. So I turned my attention to the rat-mouse. I got a metal stake and went at the area under the fridge and the stove, banging away like a mad woman. The dog and StrongBad were both watching me, at a little distance. Sure enough, the mouse limped out as if to say "I give up". He had construction sawdust sticking to the stump left from the tail incident. He just sat there. I called StrongBad. She could care less. The mouse limped over to the dining room and sat under the table. StrongBad watched. She took her paw and patted at the mouse, but it didn't even make an effort to walk away. I considered getting a broom to smash the thing with, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I gave the little mouse a ride out to the grass on a piece of junk mail. I set the mouse down, and now both cats and the dog were watching it with interest. The cats let that mouse just hobble over to the rock area and sit in plain view on the dirt. I started watering, and even sprayed in the direction of the mouse, but it didn't budge. Finally Steffy, the mild-mannered K9 who wouldn't hurt a flea, walked over to where the mouse was, took it into her mouth, and just crunched the life out of it in one crunch. She dropped it back onto the dirt and walked away. If only dogs could talk. I am just sure she was thinking "My goodness. I have to do everything for these lazy cats!" The mouse looked like it had been run over by a truck.

But it had survived an encounter with StrongBad, a full toasting, and being hunted by the wild metal stake in the hands of Mom. This was a strong, although not too bright, mouse. And now it was also flat.

So after that long day finally ended, I was in the kitchen and I heard the most awful sound coming from the back yard. My first thought was that it was another mouse being killed by someone, but this was LOUD LOUD. I looked at the bird feeder, and a brown squirrel was helping himself to the larger seed. The whole time he was eating, he was YELLING. When he would chew, the yells would be choppy, like "Nyang nyang nyang". I thought I was losing it... He got louder and louder, all the while fishing the best nuts from the feeder (I put squirrel food in the upper feeder so they can still feel sneaky, but I do it for them). Then I saw the cat. So that was what all the fuss was. The squirrel didn't want to leave any doubt that he was not to be interrupted.

I love living here.

But I definitely do not want any more rodent wars in my kitchen.

Now, one unsolved dilema, is what to do with the toaster. Laura brought that up last night. How DO you clean a toaster that has toasted a mouse?????

So much, so much

2006-06-07T00:51:00.000-07:00

So many things to tell.

It's almost 1 in the morning, and I am waiting for Greg's dark load to be done so I can start the whites. He leaves for Colorado in the morning, and I have to drive him to the airport at 7am. This will be difficult, since I will not be going to bed until probably half an hour from now. No matter; I am doing the MOM duty and I am happy to. Only moms can understand this. Michael and Greg are safely tucked in in the guest room. Michael in the twin bed, and Greg on the double futon. They each have night lights and there is a clock. Sweet Michael with the look of constant surprise. Two very godly boys who put most peoples' faith to shame.

Greg didn't do half of what he was supposed to do in preparation for this trip. I had hoped that he would arrive here at around 7pm, but, no... and so much is left undone. His camp counsellor application is in his backpack. Not done. He reports tomorrow to the camp. Oh Greg. Michael is in awe that I am staying up to do the laundry AND driving him to the airport. I tell him it's a mom thing, and truth be told - I am happy to do this. It's my little Greggy.

So many times, as David and I walk up to the doors at Canyon Hills Community Church, I am reminded of the first time I went there. It was several years ago. I think Laura and Julie were 15. Maybe they were 14, but I think they were 15. I'm pretty sure it was four years ago. On that fateful night, I arrived at Canyon Hills to take Julie and Laura to a concert and youth lock down with food, play equipment, and a wonderful Christian rock band. I helped serve pizza and pop to the several hundred kids. I said I hoped to attend that church one day.... and oddly enough, David and I are going through membership classes there now.

But that first night...

I actually have to force myself not to think about it or I get a sick feeling in my stomach and I actually feel the guilt and condemnation pour over me again. Greg says I am silly, and it is and was NOT that big of a deal. Yes, yes it was.

Greg had a "new" car. It wasn't expensive, and it wasn't pretty. But he loved it and he was so proud of it. He parked it in the garage on Fuller street. Well, SOMEONE came home that evening and decided that was where he should have parked. So he "taught" Greg a lesson by re-wiring the car.

You know, the pain of that just doesn't get to be any less, no matter how much time goes by...

Greg was so sad. He was so confused and hurt. It was "his" garage, and yet this friend of his to whom he had offered his entire world, assaulted him, basically, for daring to park in it. He didn't know what to do, or why the car wouldn't start, or why this happened to him. They both called me that night. I stood in the parking lot of Canyon Hills Community Church and I didn't know what to do.

The friend was a guest. I took him in as a son. Greg brought him to me, knowing I would "mom" him. He didn't know and couldn't predict what that would take away from him.

This assault was to be one of several, and yet I stood by and not only watched, but brushed off and forgave. And Greg did nothing to earn this treatment. Not from him, and certainly not from me. The last assault came verbally, or in writing I guess, in an email. It was the most vile, insulting, God-dismissing and threatening thing I have ever seen from a "friend". Still, I forgave, and begged the offender to come back. Greg, too, forgave. And when I try to apologize to Greg for my neglect, my failure to be Mom to him, he says it was no big deal, it's okay, etc. And if I think on these things too long I am reduced to tears.

Packages that came addressed to Greg, he was SO excited to get, were held up with a taunting sneer, and he was told "I PAID FOR THIS. IT'S MINE. I'M GOING TO OPEN IT NOW". Gentle Greg, had no idea how to fight this bullying treatment. And yet, the supposed "money" used to purchase those things "for" Greg came from MY credit card. And I sat by and allowed this. The yelling at Greg for taking "his" parking spot. Throwing a fit and telling ME that I treated Greg preferentially because he is my son. And I explained all of this away. I was a fool. I was fooled.

So I see my Greg, tired and yet excited to be going to Colorado, and he's got a basket full of laundry. What will I do with this? I will wash it, of course. As he sleeps. I can never make up for what I've allowed to happen to Greg. But that's not the only reason I am happy to do the little task of laundry.

I also see a great man of God developing. I see a chance to invest in his life, and through my investment, see hundreds of returns in lives affected, and many saved.

Dad would have stayed up with me, and would right now be praying that God would bless Greg's efforts and words as he works with these tender children at summer camp in Colorado.

Oh God, take the tender heart of your servant Greg, and use him to his absolute fullest capacity. Forgive me for allowing him to ever be hurt. Heal my heart as you've healed his.

In God's record keeping system, I do not know how all of this is logged.

I do not know much about many things.

I know that the house smells like the new candle, and it is good.

I know that the cat is on a relentless vigil for the rodent that wandered in today, and it is good.

I know that two boys find safe shelter here and that is good.

I know that the whites will be bright and the darks will be clean and sweet-smelling, and that is good.

I know that I will be one TIRED mama tomorrow... or later today... and that's not so good, but the reason behind it is good.

Memorial

2006-05-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

It's Memorial Day weekend. Tomorrow is "the" day. The holiday. For me this means my eldest son and his beautiful family will be coming here for family time, duck feeding, much laughing, and eating until we can't eat any more.

But there have been memories this Memorial Day weekend as well.

I made Mom's banana bread. Twice. I burned it the first time. For a few moments, my house smelled like our home used to smell when Mom baked that wonderful stuff. She gave loaves of banana bread out like some people give out hugs. She wrapped them in foil. Not plastic wrap; foil. I learned that it was good with cream cheese on it. I froze it, but Mom didn't like that at all. It needed to be eaten fresh. You just make more - you don't FREEZE it.

I made some sour cream cookies. They are weird, at best. Laura says they taste like bread.

I made Rice Krispie Treats. Those, my friend, are quite yum.

The steaks are quietly marinading in Yoshida's. The chicken thighs are also quietly marinading, in some sort of teriyaki and sesame something. The barbeque grill is cleaned and has new little fake bri..brique... you know. Those square things that pretend they hold fire. David and I worked together on this rite of summer arriving. I swept the deck, got out the lawn chairs, and breathed in the sweet smell of our backyard.

I love it here.

I absolutely love it here. Yesterday I took my husband into my arms and asked him if I had thanked him that day for buying me this house in this place in this wonderful green and fragrant world. He said no, of course, so I thanked him. I thank God daily for this place. I sit and look out my windows and I am amazed that I get to live here.

It's like a dream.

Today's sermon was really uncomfortable.

The topic was resolving conflict and I squirmed a lot.

I know I need to act, now that I have heard these words of wisdom.

The thing David and I most appreciate about Pastor Steve is that he is admittedly human, and he is totally transparent. He delivers the Word with conviction, but without false perfection.

So I listened today and some of the time I wondered who told him exactly what I needed to hear.

Confrontation.

Conflict resolution.

Bury your head in the sand, and pretend it never happened. It's easier.

I hate being lied to. I hate stepping around as if over egg shells. But most of all I hate my own inability to confront. "You are lying to me. I know this as well as I know my own name." I can't imagine saying this, but it needs to be said. And Pastor Steve's message today left no doubt.

He nailed it.

And I am uncomfortable, like I'm sitting on a tack, or stepping on a rock.

Loving someone is not the same thing as allowing them to sin blatantly and pretend not to notice.

But I am weak.

Today I think of the sacrifice our soldiers have made for us, and for our country. I appreciate them, and I appreciate the sacrifice. One of them in particular has a special place in my heart.

I owe him honesty.

Pastor Steve says that allowing this to go un-confronted is allowing the loved one to slip into eternity without hope.

And that's not love.

Again; I am weak.

I wish to close my eyes and have this go away. And I know it won't.

Memorial Day.

Honor the soldier, but remember that Heaven is reserved for those saved by grace. Not even selfless service on foreign soil counts in God's book.

The little bird

2006-05-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

Left the nest.

She has her own nest now, and Daddy and I helped her with it today. We shopped at WalMart, brought to her new home a truck full of treasures, and then we put them together. David worked on the little dining table she got with 4 chairs for $100! Laura and I put together her bed frame (she had been sleeping on the mattress and box springs on the floor), and the shelf thingy for over the toilet. Then we helped with the dining chairs. It actually all looks really nice. She looked all grown up and self-sufficient in her little apartment as we left. I got her some silverware, some towels, and some other nest-lining stuff. I do that with all the kids, one by one, as they leave, but she's the last.

She turned down an offer of dinner tonight. Says there is a lot of food there. She wouldn't be lonely because Stephanie would be home soon. Hmm.

Little bird.

Long weekend, long Blog

2006-05-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning Greg and Laura and I headed out to LaCenter for Troy's birthday. It was a very stressful morning for me, because I was dreading a day that would feel like two days. We estimated that we would arrive in Paradise (the city) at about 2am. That was NOT good, but it didn't look like there was any way around it.

The party was fine, and fun as usual, and then we got on the road. It was just about a 10 hour drive, with 5 of us in the little car.

Oh wow Elliott is going home tonight.

On the way there was music. MUSIC. We discussed what songs Justin and Greg would play, and decided Laura would sing with the boys. They settled on three songs. Sadie actually wrote the chords as we drove, transposing the selected songs. We also listened to the song Justin, Sadie and I would sing. I had said no, I "couldn't" do it, but I came to the conclusion that I actually could and SHOULD do it. Grandpa Boris would have LOVED every minute of the music. It was in his honor we were playing, and it was the Gospel by which he lived every single minute of his life which was contained in the songs. The song that ended up being more special than we anticipated was 'Better is One Day'. "Better is one day in Your house, Better is one day in Your courts, Better is one day in your house than thousands elsewhere..."

But I'm ahead of me.

So we arrived at about 2am as expected, and poor Olga was still awake. But we settled in quickly. It was very hard to get to sleep, knowing we were getting up in about 4 hours.

Get up we did, and somehow 7 people got ready in very little time, on such a stressful and sad morning. Olga made coffee.

The kids and I practiced music at the church about an hour before the service, and watching my children sing together broke me - oh goodness. I used half a dozen tissues and realized I was in deep trouble. I was, and AM so proud of them. I knew that if Grandpa Boris was there he would have been bursting his buttons and probably would have had a few tears himself. But I don't really think he was watching. I really think he was trying out legs that weren't weak, lungs that worked well, and a body that was not in pain. He was probably doing music of his own with the angels.

The cemetery is across the street from the church where the memorial was held. We had the burial first, and that was exceptionally sad and brought many tears. It's so painful to see grown up children weep. But we sang, with cracking voices and teary eyes, 'It is Well With My Soul'. Yeah, my heart is aching. But, it is well with my soul. This was true of all of those standing around that grave.

The memorial service was SO encouraging and uplifting and worshipful. It was true, and it was spoken often, that Boris lived his life for God, and with the purpose in mind to spread the truth of Salvation. Boris trusted God with his life, his health, his daily breath. He did not curse God, or complain, but he lived out the life given to him in hope and praise. What an example.

When Laura, Greg and Justin did their worship music set, the congregation got to their feet and the presence of God very literally filled that room from the top to the bottom. It was a rare moment when you could FEEL the very Spirit of God filling the room and you could breathe in and be immersed in that holy presence. It was unlike anything I have witnessed or experienced in many years. The kids were encouraged by the spirit of worship, and their voices were strong even through their grief. What a testimony. I kept picturing those same three, as little kids, harmonizing and singing songs of faith. Laura at age 3, Greg at 5, and Justin at 11, singing with sincerity even then.

The Shapovalov family name is being carried on by men of faith and music, who continue to hold up a light in a dark world. In spite of how tempting it is to become dark and dirty, they wear the white that was purchased for them by the blood, and they do not shade the light they carry. It's not popular. But it is truth.

We drove home on Tuesday, and with all the stops and everything that happens on a trip, we ended up here in Bothell at nearly midnight. Poor Greg had a full-fledged cold by then and was very snotty and sloopy. I slept WELL.

Then today, Miss Laura stayed home from work, exhausted, but later spent several hours moving into the apartment she has rented with Stephanie. She and Daniel walked in around 7:30 tonight and were very happy that I had made crock pot pork roast, potatoes and corn.

After dinner Laura said "See you tomorrow!" and with a hug and kiss she was off to her new home! HOW STRANGE IS THAT?????? But it's okay. It's right, even. She has had her time of being taught, trained, and shown, and now she gets to go live it. Thankfully, I have no worry about this.

Oh, yes, in the shuffle a couple of occasions were nearly lost. Mothers Day. I got three voice messages on my cell phone. Sarah May, Justin, and Sparky! Those were very happy messages for me. Then there was the little issue of our 30th anniversary!!! But we'll celebrate that later.

That was my weekend.

And I am still pretty much tired, but satisfied.

I need to do some serious laundry.

Plans

2006-05-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

We (Laura, Greg and I) will be driving to LaCenter on Sunday for Troy's birthday party, and then we (Laura, Greg and I, and Justin and Sadie) will drive to California for the memorial service. I think that is a really good idea, and it's a good thing Laura called me to watch the American Idol results show which TICKED ME OFF by the way so that I could not purchase airline tickets so I could save money and have a better trip driving with my kids.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Chris. Voted off. Chris. Perhaps American Idol will not be such a magnet any longer. Wow. Shocking.

So there you have it, America. You are wrong. Elliot? SERIOUSLY? Ok. I'll stop.

But really, now. Elliot?

Gah.

Music = Life

2006-05-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

That picture captures the unique life-sparkle Grandpa Boris had in his eyes. This was never more true than when he got to hear good music. He loved music. If you put on the sound track to Dr. Zhivago he would hum and sway and close his eyes. In this picture he's listening to a Martin Family performance on steel drums. He's pretending to direct, of course. One time, when they were visiting, I put on a CD of old hymns played by an orchestra. He absolutely fell into a music-heaven-overload. So that's why I can just imagine he is totally overwhelmed by what REAL music is like, over there.

Direct on! We'll see you soon.

I stole this. Sue me.

2006-05-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

So, can you really be sad if you see this? I think not. Not forever, anyway.

God must have known this.

Well done, good and faithful servant

2006-05-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

So he struggled for a while to keep breathing earthly air, when all the time angels were standing by to take him to that place where only the pure and holy live. At about 7:30 this evening, he gave in to the irresistible urge to join those living forever in that place that needs no sun. It was peaceful, and there was no struggle. Now that part is done.

We can only imagine.

There will be a service to plan and planes to catch, clothing to pick out and papers to sign. Death costs money and creates so much paperwork. But he'll miss out on that part, and he gets to sing tonight.

'Death holds no terror for the blood bought soul, oh glory hallelujah to the Lamb.' He'll sing that. He knows that first-hand now, and I'm sure he would like to send a message down. No crying, you. No sorrow. This is what we were created for. Now he has 'Ten thousand years' and listen - listen to the singing.

I said that he'd probably look my dad up when he got there, and I really wonder if that's so. I can see them talking about the kids.

But God Himself made this reservation, and this purchased one walked in with his invitation in his hand. And he heard the words. "Well done, good and faithful servant."

And he entered into rest.

Goodbye Pops.

Re-run

2006-05-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

Last night's dinner was pretty doggone good. So tonight we had a re-run. Stephanie was invited, and brought Tyler and Tong. Mai. Mai? Mai Tong. I think. He is in the army, and said "Ma'am" a lot. He also enjoyed the food, but tried not to eat as fast as in Basic. It brought back memories. When I said they "had" to finish the tortellini, he responded in due military fashion. Faithful to the call. For seconds. Daniel was here, or it wouldn't have been right. So it was me and a house full of kids, and that was good and right and fun. And Stephanie did the dishes, and Laura put away leftovers. They watched nerd TV. Tyler tells stories amazingly. They think I should have a 'MySpace' but I'm not convinced.

I am a lurker, I think that's what Laura calls me. A MySpace lurker. I lurk. What a great word. I read the comments, blogs, and click on the links. I can tell a LOT about a kid by those things. I see and hear the music videos. I see content that would shock most parents. I get proud, and sad, and majorly disappointed when I "lurk". Now I know there is a counter-culture of parents who have MySpaces. Stephanie says I should have one, and add her mom as a friend. Well I just might. But not without Laura and Daniel and Stephanie's helps. What an oddity. A mom myspace. Weird. But it would be hilarious to connect with other weird moms on that forum...

As I said, sometimes I am majorly disappointed when I read some MySpace blogs and comments. I find a lot of drinking and bragging about it, cursing, sex talk, discussions about who beat up whom and who went home bloody... it's a sad, sad thing. I see so many kids and young adults on that forum who are proud of their slutty, drunken, angry, totally morally bankrupt lifestyles. Some of them even claim to be "Christian/other". Funny. What a catch-all term. Christian/other. "I'm a Christian/other. That means I do what I want and believe that when I die I will go to a better place. Now pass me another beer. My girlfriend is coming over later and we're gonna..." Christian/other.

Oops. That's called a rant, I believe. And I'm really tired. There are the exceptions, as well. I also read comments from one young adult to another encouraging Bible reading, prayer, and fellowship. I see amazing stories of pure and faithful young people in this dirty, dirty world. I see a lot that brings a smile, and sometimes I'm brought to tears by the stubborn Christian, not "other" in these kids.

I have to go to the store early tomorrow. David is in California, and Justin is as well, but will be flying back to Portland tomorrow. I have the job of overseeing the operation of the store. So far, so good. We have an impossible task there this week, and it will be fun beating the odds and accomplishing it. Kirby becomes our real employee as of - well, today, I guess. I hope he's okay with all that. Stamped with the governmental seal of approval. Ta da. You are hereby considered part of the family. Congrats. Now deal with 12 apartments' worth of appliances all at one time, on top of my new purchase of 8 upper-end beauties!!!!!!

It is way more fun being the boss than I ever imagined it would be. I love schmoozing the customers and keeping my staff happy. Today I enjoyed talking with an apartement owner about our future working together. I have heard no less than three customers this week say this is where they are going to shop exclusively from now on. Didn't hurt my feelings.

Wednesday the new Bosch babies arrive. I will lovingly inspect each one.

Who knew appliances could be so much fun?????

And now, to bed. Watch for a new MySpace to hit cyber space soon. I will be able to look at all the photos, and post comments, and everything. Mom is watching! Ha ha ha. What's really funny is, all these kids who hang around actually ENCOURAGE it, rather than try to hide. I have a feeling that this bunch isn't among the morally bankrupt...

I'm blessed beyond blessed.

Have yourself a wonderful night or day.

Sad day and happy day

2006-05-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

We got the call this morning that Grandpa Boris, David's dad, had been taken to the hospital for what will be the final time, if the doctors are right. By the sounds of things, they are. Of course our day's plans went out the window. David started to pack, and we searched for a flight as soon as possible.

He came out and asked me, as I was emailing the family, how best to pack his sport coat. That struck me deeply, so sad. He was being so brave. So I told him to roll it, which creates the least wrinkles.

At the airport, as he was in line for security, we continued to talk as if nobody else was there. He said "I wish you were going." Five little words that nobody in the world can understand could mean so much to me. He wishes I was going. So do I, but I will run our business instead, for him, and take care of details.

Losing a parent is never easy.

Soon we both will be able to say we've lost both mother and father. But he's still left with the wife his father will leave behind. So there's that. And my kids will still have "Nanny".

It's raining.

Daniel just left. He and Laura took a ton of pictures with her new camera. She took one of her and me while I was making dinner for them. I'll post it. They hung out with me and watched a movie - and I appreciate this a lot. The house is very quiet, and I should be in bed. I'm sad. Dinner and the movie with the kids was happy, and I look at them and know they are the future and all of us are walking off stage to make room for the new players. There is not hopeless despair, but there certainly is grief.

God has perfect timing, and we have limited understanding. One day we'll see quite clearly, and that is a promise.

My Anthony says that between him and me we can run the store just fine. I appreciate him very much.

Sherri is right there with a shoulder and an ear and she'd hand me a tissue if she were closer. I appreciate her very much.

Brian called to make sure I was okay. He's my buddy, and I appreciate HIM very much.

I'm blessed with a huge safety net of people to keep me from falling.

That's the part that makes this a happy day.

Jars of Clay sing a song which is one of my favorites. It's the one I wanted Endeavor to sing if I didn't wake up from surgery in June last year.
"I will sing of Your mercy that leads me from valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy."

Yeah.

Goodnight, patient reader. Goodnight, Robb. :-)

Secretary's Day

2006-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

It came and went but he didn't know about it. However I jokingly told him that it had come and gone. Tonight he arrived home after going to Costco and doing some errands, and I was given FLOWERS. Flowers for being an awesome secretary. I got flowers. Was told I was awesome. All in the same day.

Makes me want to work even harder tomorrow.

'nother picture

2006-04-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

See? Relaxed.

Weekend at the beach

2006-04-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

God has blessed me with a wonderful family.

And this weekend David treated me, Justin, Sadie, Lynnea, Garret, and Troy to a weekend at the beach in a rented beach house. It was an amazing time of battery re-charging and time to just be with and enjoy the kids. It didn't hurt my feelings that I did NO cooking and very little else that could be considered work. This was a refreshing time and I soaked up every minute.

David colored a Barbie picture, which I believe would be a "first" for him. We hunted for shells, fed seagulls, had a fire in the stove, played a bug family game in several versions, ate huge amounts of wonderful food, and just had a really great time. I am thankful to have the pictures to remember this by. These kinds of weekends have come very rarely, but we are working on making that not the case. I crave family time, and I am working toward that goal.

Seriously - the dog is farting toxic waste. I think I can actually see it in the air.

Ew.

My Laura, while I was gone, made my bed, vacuumed my bedroom, cleaned my bathroom, kept the whole house (which she had cleaned) neat, and ran and unloaded the dishwasher. BLESS HER LITTLE HEART!

I don't mind that I have to work at the store tomorrow. I feel so re-charged and ready to go. The sea air - it does something to your brain. And when you get to eat like we did, it does something to your pant size. No, I mean it energizes your whole self.

I want a beach cabin.

I'm going to work on that too.

;-)

Love and hugs

AND you Bothell-ites who were here while we were gone - COME BACK now that we're back!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!

Seeing through a blur

2006-04-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

So Sunday morning I wake up after a fitful night and my head is in so much pain that I can't even believe it. Within half an hour I have my head in a bucket. Migraine. Nice way to wake up.

But it gave way to the post-migraine euphoria, which is sort of a nice reward for weathering a migraine, I guess. I found myself looking out the sliding glass doors admiring everything and feeling so blessed to live in this green place. I didn't even think about it being migraine euphoria until I talked to my sister today. It goes fairly "text book" for me. Visual interference, (which didn't matter since it was night, and I was trying to sleep but kept moaning) amazingly intense pain, and vomiting. I sat in Laura's bathroom trying to decide what the heck was going on, but the pain was blinding and basically left me stupid so I just put the dog outside and got a bucket. The rest is history.

Later we shaved the dog. Now she has that hilarious look of an abnormally small head on a gigantic barrel-shaped body, but she's happy and bouncy. It took us four hours to shave her. Two adults. Four hours. One dog. A garbage can literally FULL of fur.

We saved $80 by shaving her ourselves. Yeah, she's THAT big.

Today I worked at the store, although I deeply desired a day off. So many little fires to put out. Anthony is working out nicely, but he's still too new to dump 100% of the responsibilities on so there we found ourselves for the entire day...

We have rented a beach house for Thursday through Saturday night, in Sequim. I don't know who will mind the store on Saturday. That worries me somewhat, but I know that I need this long weekend more than anything right now, to avoid more migraine awakenings. I am so far beyond tired that it is a dim black spot in my rearview mirror.

Did you know coffee could grow hair?

Neither did I.

But tonight I collected 13, yes THIRTEEN, glasses and mugs from Laura's room. One of them was nearly full of what probably used to be coffee with cream, and it was sporting a head of hair two to three inches tall. I left that one for her. I was getting low on glasses and mugs, and figured that I'd learn why if I looked in her den. So sue me.

The rest, the ones without hair, I rinsed out and they are happily bathing in the dishwasher now. Some took some urging, like.... scraping... to get the scum rings off. Some had little green floaties. Some, THANKFULLY, only held water.

I have to confront someone this week.

I hate that.

But it falls to me because he trusts me, and we have an understanding. So what I have to say will be easier to hear because he knows I respect him. Still; there is nothing harder for me than confrontation. I'd rather let a person walk all over me, yell at me, and use me until my life's blood is in short supply. Several of you know this is the absolute truth. Confront. It's a rude word. I have to have a discussion. Point some things out. Offer a solution, and then offer consequences if the solution is rejected.

Sarah May sent a letter, and it arrived today. Her little personal note to me was very precious. I love that girl. But that is a well-known fact. God Himself smiled as he dropped her into my arms one day. "Here. Love this one." And oh, yes, I do.

So tomorrow I work 4pm to 10pm at the State Patrol, and I will HAVE to come into our store for.... my confrontation.... and to take care of some business. We're getting an account with GE so that I can order parts from the factory - DIRECT. That will save money, but the application is 3 pages long. I have to do it. A customer is waiting for a replacement part on a VERY expensive oven.

It has to be done so that I can order the part on Wednesday, and go on our trip Thursday with a clear mind. Clear and Mind don't usually go together for me...

I smelled dog poop all day today. It was discouraging.

Our store business has just REALLY picked up lately. I love that. AND AND AND we just got confirmation that two of the suppliers that we have been romancing are indeed going to sell to us which means................ oh my goodness this is exciting...... we can branch out into higher end products and have a whole other market open up. JUST IN TIME, a new directory comes out in June and we have a 1/4 page ad. It goes to all the doctors, medical offices, and hospitals in the greater Seattle area. YEAH BABY.

No, no, I'm not excited at all.

I am beyond tired.

I think Anthony, our new repair tech/sales person/delivery guy, is really a Hubbbart in disguise. He has Hubbart humor if ever there was such a thing. Goodness. He either cracks me up completely, or has me rolling my eyes and looking for some place to hide.

He is a BLESSING from God as well.

Life is interesting, tiring, and very, very good.

Be safe.

Be warm and well.

Be sure to come and see Mom Shap if you can.

Too tired to post

2006-04-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

I had great intentions of posting an interesting blog tonight. After working at the store, then coming home to the discouraging sink filled with dishes and house in chaotic mess, I cannot spend more time here.

I am limping to bed, exhausted. But it was a good day.

The house looks and smells appropriate now.

Daniel rescued us today, and I owe him eternal thanks.

You know how sometimes someone offers to help you, then when you ask them they just shrink into the shadows... well, Daniel did not do that. Instead, against his little cute will, he was dragged from warm blankets into the bleak and cold day to help David with an appliance delivery early this morning. My couches induce sleep. David intruded into that sleep by waking young Daniel.

He rocks.

Daniel - you, my friend, rock.

And you are a real person with real stuff. But you rock. Mom Shap thanks you from the bottom of my heart.

I may be just a BIT blurry of judgement. But I do love me some my Daniel. He respects and cares for my only Laura. He is too cute for words to describe. And he helps me.

I will tell the details of my interesting day later. Now I crave sleep. I actually HEAR the bed calling me.

Much love and hugs to all.

Mom Shap

Heart break and brain fog

2006-04-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

Her first ever email was to me.

Amazing, humbling, and I don't know if I can take it.

Poor little, amazing little, strong little abused thing.

But I also have brain fog because I worked 10 hours at the State Patrol today, working Everett and oh my. Brain fog.

But.

Her first email was to me.

And I am honored.

More later.

BBQ at the end of a long day

2006-04-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

We wanted the store to pick up. Well, it did, and boy did it when it did!

Since Brandon, our delivery guy, decided to go AWOL, then submit a chicken hand-written resignation after a week, David has been stuck with the deliveries. Today was some kind of a record. He had six deliveries and two service calls. As it turns out, there was a map mixup and he went to Renton when the delivery was north Seattle. But those things sometimes happen. I don't know who made the error. I didn't make that particular map.

Anyway, Laura, Stephanie, Kendal, Daniel, Josh, David (Sparky) and a guy whose name I have forgotten are here. The unknown name guy has a great accent. He thinks It's weird that I use canning jars for drinking glasses. They had marinated steak, barbequed, and fried rice with Canadian Bacon, and Oriental cabbage salad. Everybody was very happy, and they didn't care that I worked too late to have any dessert but oreos. They all like oreos, you know.

I worked from 9am to 5:30 today at the store. GREAT sales day, but poor David. He didn't get home until nine something. 13 hour work day for him.

Tomorrow is day 6 for me, and my little "Friday". I passed "tired" a long time ago. Time for bed. I'm so tired I feel cold. That can't be good. And I have to work at 8am. So woo.

Sunday's coming!

And it is quite the Sunday. A very significant day. It's THE day that gives us eternal hope. THE day. So welcome, Sunday. Resurrection Sunday. I hope you will all find a place that teaches the only Truth so that you can absorb the significance of what was done for you.

Bed. Now. Jeans tomorrow, and maybe I can get something to wear for church on Sunday after work tomorrow. David and I get off work at the same time. OH YEAH David has a trainee arriving tomorrow morning to work with him! Yeah baby. I'm hoping Sean works out well. I have a feeling he will. I call him Casper. Long story.

AND I also forgot

2006-04-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

My only Sarah May called me yesterday. Hearing her voice is like hearing rain on wind chimes.

My heart was lifted.

She is well.

She is looking forward to her 2nd ever Easter basket, which is on its way.

And I get to be Mother Bear.

My dear Sarah May. What God is doing in your life.

OH I forgot

2006-04-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

So I made cream of potato soup for the girls when I finally got home. I made it with vegitarian vegetable broth rather than chicken broth, in Elizabeth's honor. Well, it was sooooo good that both girls way, WAY overate. The amount should have easily been enough for two dinners. NOT tonight. One large bowl for Daniel remains. Wow. They both had stomach aches and felt sick (wonder why) after dinner. I told Daniel he better hurry and grab that soup before they eat it tomorrow.

My boys aren't going on tour, lack of funds is the reason, but we are still BBQing on Friday night. YEAH BABY.

Well, that's sort of over

2006-04-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

The hot-headed delivery guy who has been AWOL since last Wednesday, has officially quit. None too soon, as I interviewed his possible replacement today.

He turned in his keys, his credit cards, and his cell phone, and left a letter, all in the mailbox at the store. At least in the letter he thanked me for "always being there" for him. That was sweet. I have a letter in my mind to give him, too, and I'm not sure yet if I will write it or just speak it to him.

Firstly, I am sad to see him go. Yes, that's stupid. On a deep momly level, I am very sad to see him go. It was always so happy when that kid bounced into the store and yelled "HI MOM". But he's also very troubled, and it was only a matter of time before there was some kind of altercation. I had already warned him that if he ever struck out at anyone as he had the previous owner, he would go directly to jail. I had no problem with that at all. Like a difficult child, he was sometimes charming, sometimes impossible, and often out of control.

After sad, I am excited. I can see how the store can operate efficiently without such a headstrong and "me first" person driving OUR, yes OUR, truck.

The guy I interviewed today seems absolutely perfect. But I think he needs more than such a tiny store can offer. I hope he takes a chance on us and lets us sort of move him along as the store moves along. He'll start small, but know that he will prosper as we prosper. I can only hope. And pray. Pray mostly. I need to quit my other job so I can be there more. BUT, Catch-22 style, quitting WSP is shooting myself in the foot. HOWEVER, when the Wenatchee house gets rented, it will bring in more than I'm bringing in now.

Ah, me. The turmoils of life.

The little weasel guy who delivered several appliances over the weekend screwed up. He gave us 6 appliances, and another appliance store reported 6 appliances stolen. Hmm. What are the odds this is coincidental? So we called the police. They took a report, and the other store owner, who was there to ID the stuff, totally irritated both SPD officers. It was mildly amusing. Our repair guy was pretty sure this guy was dealing in stolen goods. It is a cooperative effort between him and some guys who own a truck. He doesn't have a truck, so he needs them. The appliances he brought us match the items I mentioned that I had customers looking for. But I don't think my customers want stolen goods. I know I don't! Back they went, and I stopped payment on the check, and all's well that ends.

I only wish I'd gotten weasel's license plate. I do have his name, and gave a good description to SPD. He's been through the system, so it shouldn't be hard to track him down.

They also have his cell number. And while he may be a little fish, bigger fish feed him, so this could be fun for the police.

Elizabeth came and helped me at the store today. She cleaned appliances. She shined 'em up real nice. :-)

So Brandon is gone.

He reminds me SO much of another who seems to be gone. He wants and needs momming in the worst way, and gave me all his baggage to help with, but he cannot be fenced, and so he walked away. He won't find it any easier to submit to another authority, and I can BET that new employer will not give him orange juice when he has a cold, or make him ham sandwiches.

The best to you, Brandon. Self-proclaimed beaner boy in the beanie. Here's to laughing so hard you drop the handtruck, and here's to ice cold Pepsi and a mom-made sandwich keeping you company in your (our) truck. You'll find that life really doesn't get much better than that. I am sorry, but it was impossible not to fall for you. You stole my heart. You nearly ruined us, but you stole my heart. The oven door you broke while angry with David cost me $179. I will cry when I see you and tell you goodbye. Deal with it.

Late, quick post

2006-04-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Great day at work, the ten hours pretty much flew by, partly because I brought a new game to work. 'Fact or Crap'. It's fun. Try it.

This evening Laura and Elizabeth pitched in and the three of us cleaned the house QUICKLY and happily. YES.

The girls found an apartment. Not thrilled, but okay, I guess the nest will in fact be empty before the end of the month. Whatever. Yeah I'm bummed, but I'm also a little excited for them.

Laura also dyed my hair and gave me a back rub tonight. It was surprising, wonderful, and relaxing. Yeah, I'll miss her. She was basically in terminally sweet mode tonight.

How the clean fades in a few moments.... like the making of frozen pizza. But ok. I can fix it tomorrow. The toilets are nice, and they didn't get pizza'd.

We watched Pink Panther.

Tired now.

Oh, and Brandon, our delivery guy, hasn't called or shown up to work since last Tuesday. SO... the job is open as far as I'm concerned. The locks will be changed this week.

Interesting.

Weird.

Must go to bed.

Love,
Me

Do I see a jail tatoo?

2006-04-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

So this seedy little character shows up at the store on Friday, with a brand new refrigerator that's been manhandled and sprayed with some of that orange paint used to mark abandoned cars. I paid him $100 for it, which is what he wanted, knowing I could clean it up and replace a wheel and get $300 easily. Which I did, the next day. But that's beside the point. Where did this greasy little man get the fridge? And where does he propose to get the other appliances he wants to sell me? He won't say. This makes me very suspicious. He came back later on the same day with a nice little freezer, which I offered $60 for knowing full well it's also probably worth 3 times that much. For the price of a little cleaning. Still, this nagging feeling that I may be accepting property of questionable origin...

You meet all sorts of people in this business.

I'm not stupid, and I'm doing my background work on this guy.

Today is my one day off, and I'm really stalling at getting things done. I did pack Sarah May's Easter boxes and I'll be driving downtown to mail those shortly. Or sometime. Hopefully shortly. She'll get new undies and socks and lots of toys and candy. I don't think she reads this, so it should be okay.

Got an email back from little girl lost, who says she does love God and asks him for guidance all the time. What needs to happen is the whole "convincing of sin" thing, and her huge blue eyes to suddenly snap open. No, God isn't the loving Grandpa in the sky waiting for our slightest need to be expressed. No, God isn't opening the gates of heaven for all the "good" people who we love to say are in a "better place" no matter what their spritual condition when they died. Sin is real. Falling short is real. The plan of salvation is real. There is, in fact, an alternate destination after life here is done.

Speaking of death; an old friend from our church in California breathed her last this morning. Another cancer fighter who set down her sword and walked into heaven. I know she walked into heaven, because she had been bought with a price and had accepted the sacrifice Christ made in her behalf. She had a testimony of faith and she stayed positive right until the end. She knew that she was dying, and she was torn between staying with those she loved, and going to Him she loved more. In the end, in God's timing, she wasn't left to make the choice. I was happy to hear that the video I'm putting a link to below gave her a great laugh, and broke the tension for a while. Check it out:

http://www.ship-of-fools.com/Signs/movies/pitch_tent.wmv

Just copy and paste that in your browser address field. It had us all just rolling on the floor. Poor guy.

God has a sense of humor.

I hope you do too. It makes life so much better.

I don't know if this week will end...

2006-04-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hi. Yes, you.

It's nearly 9pm, and I worked all day at our store. It was a $1000 day. Yeah baby. David and Kirby had to do the deliveries and pick ups, as Brandon is ill. He didn't call in ill, but he didn't call in or show up well, either. And he didn't call in for tomorrow so we are operating on the assumption that he will not be in. It is okay, even MORE than okay. If not quite well, we are certainly doing well. It's amazing how quickly the pick ups and deliveries actually got done today. David had time to go to the supplier and shop in a leisurely fashion. I had time to sell a LOT of things.

But then when the day is "over" you find it is most certainly not over at all. Instead there is dinner to fix, dishes to do, 5 water bowls for the animals that need washing, a litter box to empty, rugs to vaccuum, laundry to do, bathrooms to restock with fresh towels, a squirrel feeder to re-fill, and the list goes on. But I'm almost done. So I sit and type to you.

Got a couple of interesting emails today. Re-connected with a young girl I knew for a short time. Seems she's pregnant, perhaps "again", but this time there is a sex and name and due date. So we chatted back and forth for a bit. I explained the difference between walking in God's light and plan, and walking in sinful flesh, and that basically everything sinful people do in their sinful flesh is sinful, so there's not a lot of difference or hope there. But some sins carry different consequences, such as unmarried women being pregnant or sick with an STD. However God is greater than our sin and really does have an amazing plan to forgive and clean us up. I told her that my function has been to accept and love kids, and not to beat them over the head with a holy stick. On the other hand, if someone claims to be a "Christian" and yet walks in blatant and obvious sin, Christians are advised to avoid contact with them. We are never told to avoid contact with sinners. Just sinners who claim to be believers. Or true (?) believers who, despite the urging of the Holy Spirit within, keep walking in sin. We are told not to have them in our home, and not to sit down to eat or drink with them. So, since she never claimed to be a believer, I can love and accept her while hating her lifestyle of fornication, lying, stealing, etc. I am not quite sure how she took the love you hate your lifestyle comment. I left out the fornication and other things I just named. For one thing, she wouldn't understand that particular word, and for another, what's the point? The Holy Spirit is the one who convicts and convinces. Moms just make cookies and shake their heads. Oh, yeah, the reason I wrote to her was to ask the location of a certain blanket which holds great meaning for me. Last she knew it was tucked away in a closet, perhaps forgotten. That's so sad. But that's life.

Greg was here just a short time, and left quietly without text messaging his mother. This is SO not good. But it was nice to be able to feed him and love him for a short time. Now Elizabeth is here, having moved in for a while. This is SO good. She came down and joined me at the store today, and we did job searches and I helped her with a job application. She got me a Starbucks. Double. I was very energetic today. She put her food in the fridge, her clothes in the guest room, and settled in comfortably. I love me some my Ert.

Looks like I'll work 6 days straight. Two 10-hour shifts at WSP, one Monday and one Saturday. All the days between are spent at the store, from 9am to 6pm. Wowzers. Lotsa hours.

So now I need to check the dryer and finish the laundry if possible. I am ready to cash in my chips and fall asleep but I can't just yet.

Oh yeah and clean towels. In the girls' bathroom. Yes they are big girls. But I'm still me.

Love and kisses.

Who will she show it to?

2006-04-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

She landed in unfamiliar territory, on Wednesday, and she greeted it wide-eyed and terrified. She wanted to go "home", which is a relative term for her. Tears came.

Within 24 hours, she decided that she would actually rather stay. The people in this new place were friendly and quite safe. Maybe they were even interesting, and amusing. By Saturday, she was plotting how she could return, and urging time to pass slowly so that she could stay longer.

Her life up to this point has been pain-filled and confusing. She's lived through more in her fifteen years than most kids will have seen even as they turn twenty, and most fortunate kids will never see at all... She is living in a safe place now, but still she hides behind a shy smile, forcing words to remain unsaid. They might be wrong. Oh the painful messages "mom" has given her. Oh the damage those words have done, along with wrongs too horrible to mention. Why, why do people trample on treasures like her?

She tells me that she wants to look her age, rather than the 19, or even 20-something people mistake her for. Genes and body build make this a challenge. She has the weathered look of a stressful childhood, but she is beautiful beyond a doubt. I guessed, upon meeting her, that she was Native American. She is, partly. Partly something else. Completely acceptable. She shyly asks me if I could have Laura help her. Maybe with hair.

Laura's heart is touched, and she will do what she can.

The food here is to her liking. So is the large TV, to which she holds the remote whenever she wants to. She stays up as long as she likes, and has access to the whole house. I see her face relax.

Laura does not go to work Friday, and she takes this sweet girl to the mall to do 15-year-old things which include Starbucks. But Friday night is what she's really waiting for. There is a concert in Kirkland, and she and I are going. We'll see 'Endeavor', and since she's had the CD for several weeks, she knows the songs. Since Laura introduced her to all but one of the guys this day, she'll know and recognize them, and they will recogninze her. This will be a FUN night.

We get a little lost on the way, and as I find my way there she announces "You're funny". Yeah, well. We can't all be completely sane. The venue is perfect. The crowd is just big enough to get the concert experience. Four bands, five dollars. Thank you, God, for landing me in Seattle. We sit on bar stools and feel the pounding of the bass in our chests. I teach her about toilet paper stand-ins for ear plugs. She asks for water, and I get her an ice cold bottle. The look of happiness on her face is worth far more than I could ever hope to spend tonight.

Endeavor takes the stage, and she leans in. We both clap at the right time during 'Cacophony', and this makes her laugh. Afterward, she shyly chooses a black tee shirt that she would like to have. Is there a question that she will have this?

The Endeavor guys greet her, and she's pleased. A short, fat pirate sort of girl approaches Daniel and wants an autograph and picture, as far as I can tell. Reason? Because "you're hot" she says to him. My guest looks at me with definite amusement and shock. "That's DANIEL!", she whispers. Yes, I know. I know what she's thinking. But it's okay; Laura would find it funny too.

The last band is ready to play, and she decides to stand within just a few feet of the stage. Ok, I think... but there we are. And she's so happy. She takes in the mosh pit, the oddly dressed kids, and the rich sounds. She confides to me that the lead singer is good, as is one guitarist, but the guitarist on the right is "NOT good. Not at all."

On the way home, she and I have a deep conversation about all sorts of things. I encourage her that one day, maybe a ways in the future, she will understand why she was given this life. One day she will embrace one who is hurting and be able to honestly say "I know." I tell her that she is strong, and smart, and will never hurt people as she has been hurt. My heart literally feels ripped as I listen to this young woman, and wish I could make it all okay.

The next morning she shows me that she still has the stamp, and tells me she intends to keep it right there. She will proudly show it off at school.

But who will she show it to?

She says she has no friends. This makes me ache inside. I pray that God will send her true and pure friends. That He draws her to His side and that she finds the ultimate safe place in the Son.

As she says goodbye to me on Sunday, with a long and firm hug, I say "come back". She says "I know that I will".

More to come

2006-04-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

This has been an educational and heart-wrenching half week. The visitors have been here since Wednesday, and are leaving tomorrow. I have fallen for one little boy with large blue eyes, and one quiet girl with dark eyes and thick dark hair. The quiet girl wishes she didn't have to leave this place. I would keep her if it were within my power to do so. I promised her that she would be back one day. Maybe once she is emancipated, she will head north.

I am beyond tired now, though. Tomorrow they leave and we head off to church, but none of us remembered the time change. I was reminded of it when I went on Robb's page to leave him a thank you note.

Once I thought that love and cookies could change a kid's life forever, and then I thought I was proven wrong. Now I meet these two, and it seems that love and cookies are all they are searching for, forever, and I have to wonder. Oh, but in the lovely girl with dark eyes' case, it's love and a nicely cooked steak hot off the barbecue. To think that a simple toy tractor and a black tee shirt bought at a concert could put a smile directly in a hurting young person's heart. It's one of those "ah ha" moments in life. Ah ha. God says "ah ha" to me.

Elizabeth moves in Wednesday. wOOt

Goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo

2006-03-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

It was about 1pm before the group was ready to leave here and do something. I had decided we'd go to the zoo. All morning I taught little Ethan to sing the song mentioned in the title of this entry.

Ethan is a foster child, and is 3. It's his first time in foster care, and he alternately says his mom is dead, or gone, or hurt. As he sat at the table last night for dinner, and sorted out who Laura was, who Stephanie was, and who I was, he pointed at Josie and said "This is my foster mom". It was the first time he had said that. I believe Josie has had him for about 3 months. This is the first out of state trip and it's proving to be traumatic, but also educational and a positive building block for Ethan's security.

The last home they visited on this trip, Ethan was in a panic. He acted out, cried, screamed, hit, etc. But as soon as he arrived here he settled in peacefully. He reminds me all the time that he's not leaving. Today he spent a long time with his little forehead resting on mine, whispering to me. I think he figured it out, after leaving that other home with his world still intact, that this isn't another upheaval, but just a normal family outing.

Ethan is very 3. Some of his behavior is probably a result of his past, but some is just good quality 3 year old challenges. He often uses the phrase "I hate you". Sometimes it's really angry sounding, and sometimes it's very casual. When he said that to me one time this evening, as he was resting his head on my shoulder, I replied "Well, I think you're pretty wonderful." He didn't say anything, but he didn't move. He now expects me to smell his little feet and pretend they are horribly smelly. He has a deep chuckle that is infectious. He also has the most amazing large blue eyes. He loves Laura and Stephanie. He gets upset if one or both of them leave.

As I said, I taught him the little song "Goin' to the zoo" this morning. I think Peter Paul and Mary actually first sang that song. It's short and very simple for little people. I taught it to him while moving him in rhythm to the music, just as I sang with my kids.

Tonight he was playing around the coffee table. Josie had gone to bed with chills and a cough (I think she's got something beyond a cold). He looked at me and suddenly burst out in this big grin that showed his dimples. "Goin to szu, szu, szu, bout you, you, you. You come too, too too."

While at the zoo both kids seemed to have a good time. We were there a LONG time, and still didn't see everything. Summer time is better. Still, we had some great experiences.

The forehead to forehead whispering happened at the zoo. He didn't even look at the bears, because he was busy playing with me. That didn't hurt my feelings at all.

I tucked him into bed tonight, with a baseball cap, a police car, and a tractor.

He had that sweet smile. No fear, no anger. He had cute little flannel PJ pants on, and his toes got a few kisses just for good measure.

This is what love can do. Josie has taught him that he can trust her to always be there, unchanging, and safe. She is showing him what love of a child really is. In turn, maybe he will not suffer the deep consequences of abuse and neglect as he grows older. He may grow up NOT being an abuser. Maybe he will do more than survive.

Sweet little innocent boy with the huge blue eyes and little dimples. Even Misty, the scared to death of children cat, allowed him to pet her today. I'd keep him as a nephew.

I can't think of how many Ethans are out there. It hurts too much.

His foster sister, Tiana, also wants to stay a while. She will hang out with Laura tomorrow. More about her later. I am very drawn to her, and have been blessed to introduce her to quality Christian music that is up to date and inspiring. She is a treasure. She craves love and acceptance, like everyone, and she looks toward the future hopefully. I'd take 'em ALL if I could.

Cheesecake

2006-03-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

I was shopping at Fred Meyer after closing the store tonight. My cell phone rang and it was Laura with instructions. I was to buy three packages of cream cheese, a can of sweetened condensed milk, and a package of Oreos. It seems Adam was at the house, and it was a cheesecake and movie night.

We had leftover roast beef for dinner, and it was either sandwiches or warmed up traditionally, depending upon your taste. Adam declared it "delicious", twice. That is high praise for a leftover. The movie was going along swimmingly.

But then the sky caved in.

So I'm going to bed now. I'll leave them to their discussion.

One of the most painful things I witness, and thankfully it's not often, is my Lu Lu Belle crying.

My jeans are WAY too tight. I am finding it amusing that I am gaining so much weight so rapidly and it doesn't bother me. I'm so happy, and so busy, and so happy, that I don't care. Plus it makes certain things gain weight that are happy to gain weight.

Josie and her gang arrive sometime tomorrow. I don't know exactly when. I am making chicken stew. Like chicken soup, but thicker. Manly. Chunky. Full of stuff. Fit for a three year old, a teenager, and a foster mom. Yeah.

I can't solve the problems they will encounter in life, but I wish for my children to first of all, and most importantly of all, give their hearts and lives to the One who gave them life. That was not me. I wish for them to walk in the light. I pray for this, and desire this with all my heart. I don't care if they are rich, or successful by the world's standards. I care that the treasure laid up in Heaven is plentiful and that they walk worthy of the calling in which they were called.

I think of Grandpa, looking down on them, nudging Saint Peter, and saying, "Say now. That's my grandson, Justin. He is walking with God, and serving through his music. I always knew that my investment would pay off." My dad. He absolutely adored my kids. And, rightfully, he coveted them for the kingdom.

So I go to bed tonight with a heavy heart. I wish for nothing to come between my children and their eternal calling. And I wish for them to experience no pain. But that's not realistic. To have them spared from temptation to walk away from their eternal calling is unrealistic. To believe they will win against the best plots of the enemy; is VERY realistic, in faith.

I tasted the cheesecake. It's Sadie's recipe. It is VERY good. Adam took home a healthy slice. At least I got a hug and an "I love you" before he left.

Tomorrow is another day.

We'll see.

Monday Night

2006-03-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

Hello dear reader!

Tonight I have finally - well I was going to say "finished" but that's not true. I had a great day at work. We laughed so much today. Between flurries of radio traffic we played Trivial Pursuit the way we played it when Justin and Sadie were here. Just one person reading the questions and everyone answering. Everybody got involved, including the manager and supervisor, and any field unit or supervisor who happened into Radio. It was so much fun. It started when Bob-Bob asked me what Dumbo's name was. I answered correctly, "He was named after his father. His name was 'Jumbo Junior!" and Bob-Bob was impressed. Actually, we enjoy playing that sort of game fairly often at Marysville. I LOVE that about the place. I'm not "finished" because there is laundry still in process, and I have to re-make the guest bed...

I made roast beef for dinner. David was very happy. I just do not understand people who don't eat beef. It was soooooooo incredibly yum.

My plants didn't freeze so I was happy about that too. I am sore everywhere from digging and planting. Even my neck is sore. But I look at the freshly weeded flower beds, and my newly planted shade garden, and I am very pleased.

And we're gonna watch a movie now so I'll catch you later.

OH yeah, I had my house cleaned today by Molly Maid. It was nice to come home to shining floors and vacuumed carpets. It smells wonderful in here. It was a nice gift from me to me.

Ya'll take care.

I have so many more words in my fingers but they'll have to wait.

Sunday!

2006-03-26T19:21:00.000-08:00

A day off. A real day off. And this is what I did.

I got up before my alarm because I was thinking about things. Got ready for church, and picked up the girls' dishes from several rooms. Went to Canyon Hills Community Church. Realized again why we are at that church. I listened carefully to everything, and I believe we've found a "no compromise" pastoral staff. I was deeply grateful for this and very encouraged. I dropped a note into the offering basket, stating that I am interested in working with the womens' shelter ministry in whatever capacity needed, including cooking. Left church, alone, and went to Alderwood mall. Got pants, a shirt, and some really yummy smelling body spray. Drove to Wendys and got a salad while talking to Carol on the cell phone. Went home. Saw that Laura, Daniel, and Julie were here. Ditched the salad, and took the kids to Olive Garden. Well, because Endeavor is going on tour and will be gone TWO MONTHS. So that would be Daniel's last hurrah. For a while. He promised me today that in spite of their obvious growing fame, he will not forget us. In fact, he says, he will still be here all the time. AND he thanked me for lunch. Whoa. Yeah, he did.

Well, this afternoon I tucked all the little plants into their new bed. While I was doing that, Tommy arrived with a car load of kids. Fun. Then after they left, and I was done planting, I started weeding. Soon the girl from across the street came over and started talking to me, then sat down and weeded with me for a LONG time. She even got her little shovel. Steffy thanked her by licking her arm sufficiently. We weeded until the sun went down.

Now Stephanie and Laura are here waiting for Endeavor to come on the radio. I am so excited. I'm almost sad that my boys are hitting the big time. I feel like they will suddenly be "tooo gooood" for me. But I know it's not true. Even really famous bands have moms, right? Right. Julie is visiting her aunt but will be back. Josie and her foster kids will arrive Wednesday. April 2 or 3 Elizabeth moves in. Wow. But I feel SO relaxed, and I know it's because I got to bond with my dirt. I planted a flower garden. I used a map! I know it is an investment, and I won't see huge results until a year or more from now. BUT - the thing is, I DID it. I saw it, wanted it, bought it, got it, prepared for it, and planted it. ALL BY MYSELF. Ta da!

Ok, that's it. The boys come on the radio in 18 minutes.

Much love

Red tennis shoes

2006-03-25T19:07:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, I had a lot of favorite books. Mom used to read them to me, over and over. I knew that sometimes she would get tired of reading those same books, but I was, after all, the baby, and I got what I wanted. I ignored the sigh as she would turn back to page one and start reading again.

One of my very favorite books featured a cute little girl who loved to follow her daddy around in the garden, as he tilled up the soil and planted seeds. He let her help. The picture I loved the most and can still see in my mind was the little girl, walking behind her daddy, in the fresh damp soil, in her little red tennis shoes. I wanted red tennis shoes so I could do that. And, of course, being the baby, I got what I wanted. Red tennis shoes. I think they might have even been Keds. I guess Dad was about 54 years old by then, and he enjoyed having a little person walking behind him in the flower garden.

Today, after working at the State Patrol for 8 hours, I came home and started digging up the front flower bed, just outside the front door. I thought I was going to plant my flowering shade garden, as ordered from Better Homes and Gardens. It comes with a map. I did not know there were so many rocks out there. I mean - hundreds of them. But I dug up and raked out the 7ft by 5ft area detailed in the map. I was wearing white tennis shoes, which are now sort of brown. I missed my dad a lot while I was digging and raking and smoothing and measuring out the grid to plant the planned flower arrangement. Dad would have clicked his teeth and said "Say now!" I put white string in a grid pattern. It got dark, or those little plants would be safely tucked into their bed by now. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

All the animals, again, were very happy to watch what I was doing. StrongBad, the wild kitty, decided Grandma had made the best new litter box ever. Her eyes half closed in ecstasy, she enjoyed the right rear corner of the flower bed. I wasn't planning on using that corner anyway. That's where David will plant the little tree. Ha ha.

Now I'm dirty and I feel great. I can't wait to see the plants planted. It makes me want to get the boxes out of the garage too. Goodness.

OH GUESS WHAT! When I got home from work today, I discovered that Laura had taken my sheets and towels out of the washer, put them in the dryer, remade the bed, and folded the towels. I think that's why I had the energy and inspiration to pretend to put on my red tennis shoes and dig in the garden.

My home

2006-03-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

I love my new home.

The yard smells of camping trips from long ago. It's green. It smells green. I walk through the yard, looking at every budding plant, every little fern and blade of grass. The dog and the cats follow me, wondering what I'm doing. I am being in my yard. I don't get to do that very often. I remember, as I walk and look and smell, why I fell in love with this yard the first time I saw it. It isn't large. It's very small, really. But it is so green and casual and earthy. It's like having a mountain without having to have the mountain. I get ivy, and evergreen trees, and flowering bushes, and roses, and ferns.

My funny friend, the grey squirrel, has made a complete mess of the bird feeder. I refill this, but only halfway this time. I wash and refill the water dish. I hang another feeder, hopefully a bit more squirrel-resistant.

The squirrel feeder, which hangs in the evergreen tree in the front yard, has been well-visited. I refill the feeder with nuts and seeds, and I smile at the empty shells left below.

The dog follows me as I slowly walk around in my yard, looking at my plants, and wishing I could actually be here each day to nurture and weed and dig and enjoy.

I'm not depressed. I'm optimistic. I know that what I am doing, away from this heaven, will pay off one day.

I live here now.

This is not Wenatchee.

I will not be a victim or a prisoner here.

I have just lit 6 candles.

I do candles now. Again. There are a few people who will know how significant this is. On my dining room table there is a silver candle holder which holds three tea lights. They are lit, and they glow beautifully against the backdrop of the green walls and the large window. Outside, in the barrel planter, new plants are starting to bud and flower. They are just as hopeful as I am.

On the porch, a frog holding two more candles is waiting to welcome the girls home.

This evening I walked slowly through the backyard imagining the activities of this summer. The barbeques. The nights of laughter with grandchildren and children. The music.

I have accidentally let in a large something. I think it's a wasp. Maybe something else. So I leave the family room sliding glass door open, hoping he will desire freedom and leave my skylight for the outdoors! He makes a thumping sound as he hits the skylight, and this disturbs me.

I am very peaceful as evening descends. The neighbors' lights are coming on, and it is growing ever darker. I know that I have worked nearly two weeks without a break, and tomorrow is just another work day. But it's 6:30. The washer and dryer are humming. The dog is pacing, wondering if it's dinner time, wondering why it's dark in the house. I don't really care what the animals think. I don't care what the neighbors think.

I have a lot of boxes to unpack. They crowd the garage, and make it unusable. I can't care about that now, because my mind doesn't have room. I looked at them this evening, during my tour of my home and yard. I decided that a whole lot of the contents will see 'Value Village' at the drop off site.

I want my wind chimes up, though. I miss them terribly.

That's all for now!

Weekend woes and whoas

2006-03-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

So, as all of you, all two of you, know, we are preparing our Wenatchee home for renting. Yes, it's taking this long. No, not happy. But it's okay because sometimes I can clearly see God's humor and timing in this process.

Take this weekend, for instance. I tried to get to Wenatchee on Tuesday, then Wednesday, and finally arrived Thursday afternoon. Just too much going on here to break away. Anyway, I sent text messages to several people to let them know I was there. I got a couple of calls. The first call was from Greg, and he earned one dinner at La Fuente. AMAZING. One call I did not expect was from Adam. #1 example of God's timing. Adam had court in Chelan County on Friday morning at 9am. I got to go with him, as moral support. I am certain all concerned thought I was "mom". I'll do. Adam didn't "do" as well, so for a while he's owned by Chelan County. 10 1/2 months, to be exact. At least there is no interest on the payments. He earned brunch at Buzz Inn. Delicious. The rest of the meals I had while there, I had alone. Other than the Wendy's salad I ate while my dear Brian sat and talked with me. That was call #3. He was text message #3 as well.

I trimmed grape vines, clipped back Clematis, cleared flower beds, cut down spent basil, painted cabinets and a closet, cleaned, de-junked, and cleaned some more. Not enough, because we are not yet done. But while I was clipping Clematis, a nice SUV drove into my driveway. Friends arrived to say hello, and the husband also informed me that he now works for a real estate management company - by any chance did we need to have assistance renting out the house? God smiled.

I went to Calvary Chapel on Sunday because Greg asked me to. So glad, so glad. Greg was leading worship that morning. I think two people read this, and you both know what that means. Anyway, he was playing guitar and leading and this was really amazing and impressive and I couldn't stop the tears for many reasons, but mostly I kept picturing the little Greg who innocently sang, so clearly and so passionately "I'ne happy tooday, I'ne happy tooday, in Jesus Christ so I'ne happy today because he TOOK all my sins aWAY at the cross and that's why I'ne happy tooday"

And Greg is still happy tooday. Why? In Jesus Christ he's happy today. Same reason as when he was 3. Except now he realizes the cost of that sin-taking, and he can name the sins. At 3 he was hard pressed to come up with more than being mean to his baby sister or hiding from Mom. At 22 he is aware of the sin nature, and the miracle of forgiveness. I cried because I was so thankful that he has remained rooted in the soil we dropped him into the moment he was born, and that the fleeting temptations of the world have not plucked him out. And I thought of my dad, and how he would just be BEAMING to see Greg now, and he would say "Say now!" and click his teeth together like he did. Little Greg. My mom used to rock him, and as the other grandbaby boys she would sing to him and call him her little "Jesus boy". Now he's this great big Jesus boy, and both of his grandparents would burst their buttons in pride if they could see him.

During the music time, a string on his guitar broke. He pulled it out, and it made an amazing sound over the speakers. Like a huge electronic zipper. That was funny, but he remained cool and collected. He turned the song intro over to Dave, on keys. That was fine. Then someone brought him another guitar. I was in total awe as he casually tuned it, right there in front of everyone...

They introduced a "new" song, which was a very old song with a new tune. Again, my thoughts turned to Dad, who would have loved this. Greg sang, in his unique and pleasing voice, "From sinking sand, He lifted me. By His own hand, he lifted me. From shades of night to planes of light, oh praise His name, He lifted me." Wow. Yeah, tears.

Anyway, then came the time to pray. And pray Greg did. But he decided to name Pastor Rob in his prayer, and then forgot Rob's name. Instead of covering by just saying "PASTOR", Greg (still in prayer) does the Greg snicker and says "I forgot our pastor's name!" PRICELESS moment. He asked for forgiveness for forgetting Rob's name. I cried some more. And laughed. Hey, and I resisted the urge to tell everyone around me "THAT IS MY SON!" Instead, I left quietly after the service, did a bit more work on the house, then returned to Bothell...

I miss some things about Wenatchee.

But I do feel right here.

Today I made a new relationship with a professional designer, and I know she will bring me business. I made a contract with the Seattle Times. I met and loved an elderly couple who bought our bottom of the line stove, at $125. I made them laugh. I love Brandon, but I was able to be a business professional with him, and watch him pout about his lost priveledges and I didn't even feel slightly sorry. YES! She CAN be taught. I see that this will work well. I can be a total asset at our store, and we will have a ton of fun while earning a good income.

And for the record, I am beyond tired. I want one day, just one, that holds no deadlines or requirements. Maybe sometime in May. I want all 5 of my kids to talk to me this week. I want my Christopher to know I love him. And I want to sleep and know that no alarm will wake me. And I want to thank God for children who serve Him. Now I do know why my dad was so thankful for this. I do know. I see Justin leading worship and Greg leading worship and Sarah in the street ministry in San Francisco and I know that I am blessed - so blessed. Daddy was right. There are proper returns on investments. Those are the returns I'm looking for. I delight in seeing my children, Laura included, living pure, clean lives in a soiled and unholy world. Any struggle I have had is so worth it, seeing this. Testimonies of light in the overwhelming darkness.

American Idol starts in 8 minutes.

The tired Mom.

The drunk Jamaican

2006-03-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

I am just sure that my day yesterday was more interesting than yours.

Brandon was making an appliance pickup, and David had gone to check up on that process. It was me and Kirby, the repairman, at the store. All was well and we were occasionally chatting but mostly busy with our own chores.

In staggers a man in his 40's, medium to short stature, black with short, dirty dread locks, wearing a bright yellow shirt with the symbol for pi on the front. I thought - oh great, a transient looking for bus money. This happens often because our store is right behind a busy bus stop. The man was obviously intoxicated or on drugs, and by the odor, he had not showered in some time. He was speaking to Kirby, and Kirby pointed to ME, much to my dismay. Seems the guy had managed to slur "I'm looking for duh BOSS." When he saw me, he told Kirby "NO, duh BOSS is a man!" Kirby corrected this, and then the guy nearly slobbered on himself apologizing. It was very hard to understand the combination of a Jamaican accent and the chemical influence, but I managed to catch that "duh boss" hired him to wash windows once a month. He had an empty bucket, and a dirty rag. He wanted water in the bucket, so he tried to hand it to Kirby. I showed him the utility sink, but he shoved the bucket at Kirby. SOOOOO Kirby fills up the bucket and then goes back to his job of tending to the appliances. "I need soap." Right. Of course. You're hired by duh boss to clean windows but you have no supplies. Fine. We have dish soap. Although he's directing his need toward Kirby, I go into the supply closet and return with dish soap. He squeezes some into the bucket, then tries to hand the bottle to Kirby, who is obviously busy. I reached out for it, and in utter disbelief the guy slurs "Doesn't he work for you?" Whoa. So I reply sternly, "He works WITH me, yes." "But you're duh boss!" Whatever - I just shook my head and turned my attention away from him. He disappeared out the front door and around to the far corner of the store, and I BLESSED Kirby for being there that morning.

Next thing we hear is a huge commotion at the far left window. (The store windows are huge, and there is one on the side right beside the bus stop, which is where the guy was) It sounded like a drunken fight, and we looked around the corner to see this drunk Jamaican and another black man going at it. Seems the Jamaican was trying to teach the other guy how to wash windows. The yelling and staggering and window washing continued for quite a while. This must have been quite the show to traffic on Lake City Way. A couple minutes of spreading soapy water, then the shorter Jamaican would get right in the face of the taller man and start yelling and waiving his arms around. The further they went, the louder the guy got, until I finally ran out of the store and YELLED at them to stop making a scene, they were at a BUSINESS and needed to conduct themselves professionally. By this time David and Brandon had arrived, and Brandon was seething. Looking back that part was really very funny. We had a customer walk in, having to walk past the two window washers, yelling at each other. She was a humble and very beautiful black woman wearing a head covering and long dress. I felt very embarrassed that she had to witness this, which is why I ran outside and yelled at them.

When they were done, the first guy came into the store for his pay. He explained to David, although the words were hard to understand, that he was "helping" the other guy, but he was making him work for it. David explained to HIM that if he wanted to wash our windows, he needed to arrive sober next time. The guy loudly and repeatedly apologized for this behavior.

Then he points to me. "Is that your wife?" David nods, and the guy leans in to say "She's pretty. You must have FUN with her." Oh goodness.

Kirby and I had a little chat about respect. He often feels very put down because he wears older, worn clothing, and is often seen with tools, working on appliances. People tend to treat him like he is either invisible, or some sort of servant. What was confusing and very sad to me, was that this guy is coming in off the street, probably homeless, obviously intoxicated, poor enough to only have a bucket and a rag and needing a fast $20, and he takes an attitude. The fact that the guy was black just added to my anger. Has he not had his share of people looking down on him, if not for his social status, for the color of his skin alone? I guess I was disappointed that this desperate guy would still act in obvious prejudice toward a lowly repair man. Shame. Shame on him. David told him that he would treat the entire staff with respect, if he ever was to return. Again the slurred apologies.

Sales were very good yesterday. I sold an upper end Maytag washer to a female priest. That was fun. She was a kick.

Oh, I have so much more I'd love to share with this computer screen, but I must get on the road to Wenatchee. The forecast calls for snow, followed by snow. So I'd best get going. I am putting it off on purpose. I would rather walk in the rain.

Stay sober! ;-)

Storms

2006-03-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

It's late, and here I sit.

I am lost in memories of the past few years. Let's see... the past 4 1/2 years I guess. So much has happened in that small space of time.

I've been re-reading, re-hashing, re-thinking it all. What did I do? What didn't I do? Where did I fail? How can one person fail so much?

The answers are not comforting.

I think I will go to sleep now.

I had a good day today.

Let's see how the weather holds.

Putting down roots

2006-03-06T21:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday David and I went to the most amazing nursery. It's called 'Emery's' I think. THOUSANDS of plants and trees. We bought three ferns, a weeping cherry tree, and a blueberry bush and lindon linden lingon some other kind of berry bush. I planted the berries in the barrel that's just outside the dining room on the small patio. I planted the ferns among the rocks in the back. David planted the weeping cherry out front for me. I love weepy trees.

Now I feel like the ground around my house is mine.

I've dug into it. I've gotten dirt under my fingernails from my new yard.

I also spent some quality time weeding, and picking up dog poop. One not-so-shining moment was when the evergreen a big dog poop was sitting on snapped, and I got a sloosh of dog poop on the side of my nose. The rest of the day I imagined I smelled bad.

Soon the shade garden I ordered will arrive by truck, and I can plant it in the little area in front of our house, beside the front steps and sheltered between the house and garage, with the cement wall in the front...

I want flowers and butterflies and humming birds.

Oh, and my squirrel friends are quite happy with the bird feeder. I have to find a way to feed both the birds and squirrels.

I have to find a way to avoid encounters with dog poop.

Right now Laura and Stephanie and Adam are playing in the fire place. :-)

Life smells good today.

Minus one

2006-03-04T15:37:00.000-08:00

They are all coming, and they are all excited about the food and the cookies, but they are minus one. They've added one, but to me they are still minus one.

It's hard when you love everyone.

I can't take sides and I can't decide to no longer love someone I love because someone else doesn't love them. They are still the them that made me love them in the first place. I hope they, the others, are old enough to understand this. And I hope he, the missing one, knows this.

It's nearly the two-year anniversary of this family meeting all of them. The day they filed in our house in Wenatchee changed all of our lives forever. Ping pong, the party tree, Bible studies in the basement, and a "friggin awesome" turkey lunch. Good times. It was wuv, twue wuv, I tell you.

I will forever be impressed and blessed that there are impossibly good looking, talented, outgoing young men who remain faithful to the calling with which they were called. Even the one who is missing. They are wearing soil-resistant clothing manufactured by God Himself. That they walk in this filthy world is to the benefit of that world, and will hopefully not be of harm to them. I pray they keep their eyes focused upward, remembering that all that is here will fade away quickly. I pray that they remain an oddity in this sinful place.

So the brownies are baking, and the peanut butter cookies with chocolate/peanut butter swirl chips (Sparky's honor) are cooling. Soon the house will smell of chicken and garlic and butter and cream. Soon sounds of laughing and air drumming and music and friendship will fill my house and make it perfect.

Minus one.

Life cycles

2006-02-24T20:00:00.000-08:00

The title has nothing to do with anything. It was more of a joke toward Sherri who said our business goes in "cycles". I laughed because we sell washers, dryers, dishwashers... and, yes, those all certainly do go in cycles.

I am beat.

I worked from 9am to 6:30pm in the cold, cold store. For about 3 hours I was alone! But I sold $1600 in appliances. Not a bad day's work. I cleaned the bathroom, washed the floor, and vacuumed.

David is in Wenatchee, delivering the "new" stove to our old house, and he will be working hard to get as much done as he can during this precious weekend!!! We HAVE to get the house rented out. I will be going there as soon as possible to get my final cleaning done and to finish painting. woo. Joy.

Meanwhile, it's colder than witch's snot outside, and I am way beyond tired, so I am going to watch some brainless TV. I will wrap up in my quilt that Yvonne made me. I was too tired to eat dinner, but I had a few pieces of the chicken I cooked in the crock pot today. I didn't eat lunch today, and this meal-skipping is SO not me. Last night though.......

OH MY GOSH

David and I had sushi at a local sushi restaurant. YEAH, in Bothell. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good.

Goodnight all.

I am glad my Julie is coming during Spring Break. Mommy loves you, honey baby girl.

Whose Store is it, Anyway?

2006-02-23T22:44:00.000-08:00

Like the show. If you don't know, you won't get it.

It's our store.

But he often treats it like it is "his" and someone else just conveniently pays the bills. He told me that he was going to schedule "his" truck for new tires and an overhaul, plus a new windshield. Well, it would be much better to wait until WE schedule that, when there is money to cover it. Oh, yeah, that. Right. It is, in fact, OUR truck. WE bought it. He drives it. For us. And right now there just isn't enough money to handle all of that.

He tells the customers what he will do for them. In anger at one point, I told this particularly difficult customer, "He is MY employee. Not the other way around." He deals with them on the side. "Just call me" he will say, as if dealing directly with him will get them better service, better deals, and in general everything they could ever want. Yet he fails to return calls, gets way too tangled up in messes he can't unmess, makes promises he can't or won't keep, and then guess what? I get to sort it all out.

That is going to stop. I've already told two customers that WE own the store. He works for us. They will tell us what it is they want, we will pass it on to him if it's something he can do, otherwise we will handle it. I'm not mad, I'm just determined.

I love him to death. He loves that I keep the fridge at work stocked so he can make a sandwich whenever he's hungry, and can grab juice or pop whenever he wants. He loves having an onsite Mom. He loves being joked with. But he HATES being monitored.

Today the repair guy noticed some compliant behavior and said "You must be getting him trained." Insightful. I said that I believe the keys are firmness, consistancy, and FOOD.

We are finding so many old and VERY bad transactions coming back to haunt us. The former owner sold appliances to two customers several times. he sold things he didn't have. He made huge promises. Several of those ghosts have returned at once, wanting their money, or their appliances, or worse.

Tomorrow I get to .... meet with him. I need to rest up. Goodness.

In all of this, though, the repair guy has just bloomed. It's an amazing transfiguration. I am so impressed. He was like a big old flower hidden behind a pile of poo. Getting a bit of sun has made him incredibly perky. He was very, very happy that I made him two pots of coffee today, and it really makes him laugh when I say that I'm "just" hired help, or the secretary, so that's what I'm there for. He washed the pot for me. I stand alongside him and clean appliances, unafraid of the lowest tasks. David as well; works to solve problems and fix leaks and rattles. I know he is shocked and affirmed by this odd behavior. Once he learned we were human, he stepped out of his shell and became very bold.

OH, and the heater broke.

So the store feels like a garage. It is so cold my nose was red and drippy today.

The repair guy hooked up a dryer, faced the vent toward me, and blew warm air my way. See what I mean? This is nothing short of amazing. And my hot-headed employee gave me a million dollar smile today and said "thanks, Mom!" about the newly stocked fridge.

But it's our store.

And he seriously needs to remember that.

I will always take care of them. I will always respect them. And I will always expect professional actions and respectful behavior from them both. I appear to be everybody's mom on the outside, but I am a business person inside, and things will be done right, or someone else will be hired to do them. And that, my friends, is the truth.

Glad to see the rain again

2006-02-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, so yeah, I know that it rained something like 30 days out of 35 here recently. That did, in fact, get old. But then the "cold snap" hit and I have to say that was worse.

Today I awoke to find that it had rained. This means it can't be 18 degrees outside. The plants are looking a whole lot more normal. The rhodies, especially, are way perky this morning. They looked like frozen death for the past few days.

But now I must get ready for another exciting (hmmm) day at the State Patrol. It feels like you've lost both ends of the day when you work 10am to 8pm, with a 40+ minute commute each way. The day is shot. But I'll try to have a bit of energy when I get home anyway.

Whoo... some very challenging problems at the store! Goodness, how we keep learning of failed promises made by the guy who previously owend the business. A lot of that is resulting in people trying to get money from US. This guy was a dork in his business dealings. You just can't sell an appliance to two people. But he did. Or sell an appliance you don't have but "can get". A year later, uh, the person may return and wish to get their money back. YUH THINK????

Must go. At least nobody asks me for money at WSP. ;-)

So many changes

2006-02-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

Life offers a lot of curves in the road where you didn't expect them. It's not like we travel the same road over and over. Life is one long (or sometimes short) road with not a lot of advance warning as to the shape or condition.

It is so sad to see something much loved disappear. But the road is like that. Something new will appear ahead, and it will be anticipated and welcomed. Maybe it will stay. Maybe not. Unpredictable. The only thing that is not uncertain is the Road Maker. You have to stay in touch with the Road Maker.

Today's shift at the State Patrol was about as dull as they come. And I had ten hours of that dull. FINALLY at the last moment, practically, I was given some detective work to do. wOOt. Help find the responsible party in a hit and run collision. Now, that's more like it. Phone calls, data base searching, faxing. Gotta love it. And John called today! That was like... hot cocoa. But that was after I came home.

I need to go to sleeeeeep. Tomorrow remains unscheduled so far. I wish I could just stay here and love my house and pets, but I'm sure I'll be at the store answering phones and maybe selling some washers and dryers and most certainly cleaning some of the same. *sigh* Is there no end to cleaning? No, there is none.

Poor, sad plants and things

2006-02-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

It is C-O-L-D. Far too cold for warm, living things. Too cold for green things. Our poor plants look positively depressed, which is an oximoron.

Yesterday Greg called while David and I were working in the kitchen. David installed a new built-in microwave above the stove. I cleaned the oven and stove with this new cleaner we bought that is .... edible .... I guess. It's a non-toxic cleaner that the impossibly handsome sales guy basically TASTES to prove it is gentle. Well it works wonderfully, so I was happily scrubbing EVERYTHING in sight while I waited for my cues to "hold this" or "move that". I washed windows, floors, counter tops... ha ha ha. So anyway, the phone rings and it's Greg and I say enthusiastically "OH you're coming to Bothell! How wonderful!!!" JOKING, of course...but that is, in fact, why he called. He wanted to be sure it was okay to bring Michael Blakely, another musician from Calvary Chapel. Well, he KNEW it would be "okay", but he wanted to give me a head's up! So that was very sweet. They arrived and we all sat up watching music videos and playing CDs until well after midnight. During the day we got a very sad call that a brother of a good friend of ours had been killed in a car crash, and his daughter severely injured. She is hospitalized at Harborview, as of the last we heard, with severe internal injuries.

Meanwhile, this morning Laura, Greg, Michael, David and I all went to Calvary Chapel Seattle! That was fun, except that 20 minutes before service time Greg suddenly remembered he had to take a shower!!!!! So we were a bit late, but there is this thing called "Calvary Chapel Time" which means if you are within 15 minutes of scheduled start time, you are on time! Ha. It ended up being just fine. And FUN, and very enjoyable to be at church as a family. Laura goes to Antioch, so sitting by her in church is a rare treat. Afterwards we went to 'Claim Jumpers' at Michael's recommendation. WOW was that food incredible. LOTS AND LOTS of it, too. We shared a chocolate chip calzone afterwards. Y-U-M. Then we all went to Trader Joes, since Greg loves that store, and Michael went nuts. He loved it. It's HILARIOUS to see grown guys get all excited about a grocery store!!!!! We bought chocolate covered sunflower seeds. OH MY GOSH they are so good! SO good. Too good. Back home, more music. Then the guys left for Guitar Center to do some looking around. They plan to seriously shop tomorrow. Unfortunately I have to work at WSP for 10 hours tomorrow. It is still as cold as snot here. Colder. Frozen snot.

Now the fire is crackling wonderfully, potatoes are boiling, and Laura, Greg and Michael are sitting in the fire's glow watching, what else, music videos. It's an 'Incubus' concert this time. Michael notices which guitar the guitar players are using, and which effects, and Greg is unimpressed with the drummer. We are all fascinated watching Brandon's mouth. I love Brandon's mouth.

Laura sits on the couch wrapped in a blanket pining away for her Daniel who will not be returning from the Youth Retreat in WENATCHEE, of all places, until tomorrow. Greg called David Sparks, the drummer for 'Endeavor' and discussed the irony of Greg being in Bothell while they were in Wenatchee. Weird stuff. Otherwise you know the boys would have done some music stuff. As it is, I feel very priveledged to have the boys here discussing music. It is SO hilarious. Michael's mom must be very.... limited in musical taste. He cannot believe how many bands I "know". I am unable to avoid introduction to the best. I feel very glad about this.

Well, I'm making potatoes and bbq pork sandwiches, so I better get to it. The fire is beautiful and warm, and the house cozy. I am sure music will rule until the early hours again. Not a bad evening, I'd say.

Ya'll take care. Stay warm and don't forget how fragile life is. In a moment it is snatched away, with no warning. Love your family and tell them you love them. Always have a good goodbye. It may be your last.

Ta ta for now

I am a proud Mom

2006-02-12T21:50:00.000-08:00

These are my two girls. They make my life very rich. They are worth laundry, and dishes, and expenses. They are worth far more than even they can imagine.

That's all. Just a little blurb about my girls.

They both like cream of potato soup.

'sup dawg?

2006-02-11T18:08:00.000-08:00

I have not been writing much of late. Much of early, either. Just haven't been writing much.

Today was a very different day for me. I started prep last night for the dinner I catered in Federal Way for Sherri's family today. Well, Gary's family mostly, I guess. Gary's mom's memorial service was today, and I stayed at their house and cooked. I had a helper - a wonderful and warm woman named Sandra. She is from Louisiana, and speaks with a beautiful soft drawl wrapped in the chocolate color of her skin. It's awesome to just listen to her. Together we made some tortilla wraps, turkey and ham, with and without cheese. I had already started a huge pot of chicken in mushroom and wine sauce. Sandra made the salad while I made rice. We set up the buffet while the family was at the church and cemetery, and they all piled in at once to chat and munch. Oh, yeah, I also made a pear and pecan cobbler which actually was very, very good. (new recipe, never tried it before)

It was fun to be in a big old family group and listen to them banter with each other. I had a great time. Evidently the whole family has heard how Sherri and I became friends when Justin was in Iraq and was on the 'adopt a soldier' list and Sherri drew his name. He gave her my email address, and the rest is history. Sherri and Gary and their son Andrew came to Wenatchee last July and spent 9 hours in the kitchen of the grange where I held that fundraiser. THAT was above and beyond! Gary's aunt mentioned that I was some sort of amazing friend for Sherri, but I reminded her that it truly goes both ways. It's so wonderful that Sherri and I have stayed in this close of touch and I feel like it's ME who got adopted. We're all getting together for dinner on a regular basis, we decided, starting in March. We want to do a once a month dinner at each other's houses. Andrew will be able to be here for the March dinner, and then of course after he graduates distance won't be an issue.

Tomorrow is Sarah's last day in Washington, sadly enough. But it has be absolutely peaceful and right to have her back with us. I'm trying to coax her into spending some time here after her two year obligation with YWAM ends. She would probably have Laura's room, if Laura does proceed with her plan to move out within 6-8 months. Otherwise the girls can share that room, which I'm sure would be just FINE with Laura. Sawah Fwiend.

Tomorrow is Church day, and David and I are going to a little Sunday School class for old people! :-) Not really; but most attendees are Q-tips. After that it's the service, and I am liking Canyon Hills. Then it will be time to head for home so I can make cream of potato soup with chicken. Monday and Tuesday I work 10-hour shifts at the State Patrol. ew. Wednesday I'll do my 8 hours or so at our store, and so the chaos picks back up...

New addiction

2006-01-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

I find that sales can be addicting. When you know that the item being sold generates profit for YOUR company, it's quite the feeling. I know that when I was in retail before, I was proud of the products and I enjoyed making sales. But this is very different. I am proud of MY products, and I am very happy to make sales. Today I was supposed to be "off" from duty at the store. But I had this nagging feeling that David was hungry, and that I needed to log onto our system and try to resolve some mysteries that are still haunting me in the bookkeeping part of the business. I was right about David being hungry, and also it was fortunate that I showed up because he had to deliver a washer and the subject of my repair man blog offered to assist him. Actually, along another line of thought, the repair man's attitude is changing quite noticably... but that's not the point of this drabble. I had 3 customers while I was minding the store. Two of them were walk-ins, and had to take measurements but I am sure they will both be back. One is buying a dryer, and one is buying a refrigerator. The third was a phone customer. What a hoot. He had seen the ad for the Maytag Neptune stacking washer/dryer set. He wondered if I knew how much those were SUPPOSED to cost. I laughed, and said that yes, I was aware. So he bought the unit on the spot, over the phone. Cha-ching. He's picking it up tomorrow. It's the most expensive stacker we have, by the way... yeah baby.

So back to the repair guy. Yeah. He's making solid eye contact now, and calls me by name very strongly. I guess that would be hard to understand if you hadn't met him, but JB says she can picture this guy by the sketch I "drew" so maybe you get it. He makes sure to say "Goodnight, Ruth" at the end of the work day. He even teased me a bit today, and that is amazing. I honestly think that a bit of appreciation and recognition was needed badly by this man. I think he's realizing that the new owners are cut from a different cloth than the old owner.

When David decided he was going to deliver that washer unassisted, our repair guy looked at him thoughtfully and asked "do you think that's a good idea?" Very, very cool. I believe this man was used to his opinion meaning nothing. I have made sure to ask his opinion on potential items we might acquire, etc.

My babies are coming tomorrow night. Tonight I get to finish laundry and do a bit of bathroom cleaning since Laura is pretty sick. It seems like she's got the same nasty virus I had a few weeks ago - with the fever and chills and all. She's on the couch all wrapped up, eating little oranges.

So Adam came over last night, which in itself was a very happy thing, and then he proceded to make dinner (chicken alfredo) and do ALL of the dishes, including ones that were already there. Hmm. So he scored 149,125,498 points. His hair is almost short, which is weird, but okay.

Love me some my Adam.

Well, as I said, I get to see my babies tomorrow night. There is also an Endeavor show, and I would LOVE to go, but I believe the two events will collide. BAM. BUT, if the kids get here early enough, mayhaps we all can go.

OH OH OH I got a call today that was so awesome. It was Dean, and he was inviting me to a concert on March 3rd. He knows I like 'Classic Crime'. Isn't that just way stinking cool??? How many kids call a 40-something to tell them about a rock concert?
How many 40-somethings know and like the music of the bands that are playing at 'El Corazon'? ha ha ha. I'm weird.

Post Game show

2006-01-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

Don't leave home without it!!!

I worked on Sunday, so while everyone else watched "THE" game, I was just slaving away... no, actually it was an easy day at work. A couple of funny things happened, but nothing tragic.

I got a phone call from a woman who sounded very concerned, and almost out of breath. She was calling on the 911 line to report a "suspicious" vehicle. I asked her for the direction of travel and highway, as usual, and with some begging I got her to tell me it was last seen southbound on I5 from SR2, and that was 10-15 minutes previous. It was a passenger car with British Columbia plates, and had 3 male occupants. "What about it appeared to be suspicious?" I asked her. That's when she launched into her rather unusual bit of detective work... It seems she was following this car on I5 and it was driving poorly. So she decided to drive up alongside the car and look into it, so to speak. When she did this she noticed that the 3 male occupants appeared to be uncomfortable with her presence. She was, after all, writing something down on paper. It seemed to her that they tried to "get away" from her. Hmm. Go figure. So I'm taking all this down, and I guess she didn't think I was taking it too seriously so she went into more detail. The males were around 30 years of age and had dark hair. Ok. They looked worried about her checking them out like that. Yes, I got that part. They DIDN'T HAVE A PILLOW!!! Ehhh... okayyy now... She excitedly told me that anyone traveling from BC into the States would most certainly have a pillow in their car. She dropped her voice to an urgent loud whisper. "I think they're TERRORISTS." She ended her call with a reminder to me that citizens have been told to call in anything suspicious, and this was most certainly suspicious. I thanked her for her concern, disconnected the call, and finally was able to bust up laughing. I don't believe my supervisor broadcast the information, but if he had, it might have gone something like this: "Everett local patrols, passenger car southbound on I5 from SR2 past 15-20 minutes. Three male occupants. No pillow."

I wanted to go out to dinner. I mentioned this early in the morning, as I got ready for work and David got ready for church. I told David I didn't mean Wendy's - I wanted a nice sit-down family dinner. So I text messaged (ah technology) the kids (who were at the Dobyns' household watching the game) and invited them for Greek food as soon as the game was over. They came to the house at about 7:30 and we all headed for Bellevue. The little Greek restaurant looked so quaint, I could see why David wanted to try it out. But just as we stepped up to the door, the 'Open' sign was turned off. A nice looking grey-haired Greek gentleman was obviously in the process of closing. When he saw our disappointed looks, he opened the door and motioned us inside. David, Laura, Daniel and I were the only patrons and we had meals made just for us. It was FABULOUS with a capital fab. David had lamb, shame on him. I had a variety plate and some of the things I was unable to identify but I enjoyed them all. Laura had this rice and shrimp dish that had her groaning with heavenliness, and Daniel ate marinated chicken on pita bread, hold the onions and tomatoes. YUMMY YUMMY food.

We will be back, and in fact I would just about bet that man will come to know David's name and background...

Tomorrow I will put my first 8-hour plus day in at our store. I'm looking forward to it. I went in today to talk to Brandon and told him that he'll be training the old lady tomorrow. :-) He took this very kindly. One of these days I will do a Brandon post. It will be called 'The Manager', I guess. He is a whirlwind. He runs on high octane fuel. He constantly amuses me. He could have been a lion tamer, or a juggler, or maybe a boxer. But enough about that; let's talk about us.

The repair man

2006-01-17T19:58:00.000-08:00

He dips his head slightly as he says "thank you". I have just handed him the plate of cookies I promised on Friday. It's Tuesday. He doesn't work on Mondays. The way he does that shy head-dipping reminds me of a Western. He should have a cowboy hat on. In the movies, his character would say "Why thanky, ma'am. Mighty nice of ya'll."

Putting the plate aside he goes back to repairing the washing machine. This is his job. He works for me. For us. His hair is curly and unkempt and sticks out from under the ever-present baseball cap. He wears a long sleeved shirt over a tee shirt, not tucked in, and blue jeans.

He doesn't look professional. He doesn't move quickly. He doesn't enjoy cleaning up the appliances brought in for service and sale. He smokes way too much.

But in his quiet grace as he accepts the plate of cookies I see something. Maybe he was never shown how to act, or look, or be professional. Maybe he doesn't believe himself worthy of that plate of cookies.

I tell him that the "secret" ingredient is maple syrup. He laughs because my secret is out but I remind him that he will never try to duplicate my recipe. He nods silently. Taking a bite of one he says "I can taste it." That is all. No polite society "oh, these are so delicious, thank you."

Then he turns his attention back to the washing machine. This is as good as life gets for the repair man.

Wetness, clouds, mud and a mouse

2006-01-15T20:36:00.000-08:00

It rains a great deal here.

I knew that when I moved here, but I believe it's day 26 of constant rain. Maybe day 27. I love the rain. But it's funny how exciting a few moments of pure sunshine became today as we looked out the window at work.

Work is going swimmingly, no pun intended. I love the atmosphere in Marysville, and my new coworkers are fun and accepting and helpful. Today I got a compliment from a line trooper who sent me a message from his MCN directly to my computer screen. It seems I was a subject of discussion out there on the road, where my dispatching "style" was appreciated. Hmm. Nice to hear. I had a blast. It was terribly busy, and the shift raced by. I worked the busy area today, unassisted. I did fine. I had fun. Life was, indeed, good. Between transmissions I asked my coworkers 'Trivial Pursuit' questions. Bob is too smart for his own good. Back off, Bob. Dumb down a bit, eh?

I'm also enjoying working at our own business. I am sort of office Mom, one who cleans toilets and makes sure everyone has what they need to do their jobs. The fact that it is "OURS" impacts me greatly. There is a sense of pride and humility that I did not expect. Funny combination. I love every single washer, dryer, stove, refrigerator and microwave. They are like children, all lined up for inspection. Goodnight, John Boy. Goodnight, Mary Ellen. Wipe a bit of dirt off the little ones' faces. That's better.

I look at the employees, and it is a foreign feeling - they are MY employees. I can say "do this" and they have to do it. Instead, I say "what kind of cookies do you like?"

Do not miss the 'Endeavor' CD release concert if you have ANY hope of attending. I am serious. This is a history-making day. These kids are beyond amazing, and have overcome unbelievable odds to get where they are. I'm so proud. So proud.

If people are tired of me talking about Endeavor, they haven't said so.

And there in the family room the sweet bass player is snuggled up to my daughter and best friend. No, he's not between two women. sheesh. Daughter, best friend, same thing kinda thing. I wonder if she'll dye my hair on Monday evening.

I made cream of potato soup tonight and it was quite tasty. I kid you not. There are leftovers. Come ON!!!!

Have to go to Wenatchee on Wednesday. Dang. But it's important. Sometimes I wish I could make the Wenatchee house disappear.

I called Justin 2.0 a couple of days ago. Today Justin 1.0 called ME. Greg has most likely disappeared off the face of the earth. But he might be reachable during the time I'm in Wenatchee... I can only hope. Dinner, Greggie, dinner.

With much love and exceptional tiredness,

Mom Shap

What a weird family photo!!!!!!

2005-12-30T11:37:00.000-08:00

This is my eldest son, Justin, who was having a coughing fit. Me, and I have NO idea what I'm doing. Laura, who was evidently making a face for one of the babies. As Greg said, some families are normal, and some families have fun. I noticed that I don't have to worry about having a flat tire on the road; I've got a spare around my waist!!!!!

Christmas was excellent, and I'll tell you about that later.

Mom Shap

Jello brain!

2005-12-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

Whoo boy.

So, yeah, working in Marysville is slightly different than working in Wenatchee. Kind of like the difference between a blow-up wading pool and an Olympic size swimming pool. Wow. Things really do move there. Yesterday was my first day of working "on my own" and I needed lots of help. Today so much more fell into place, and I had a wonderful time, and a sergeant even called and gave the supervisor a compliment for me, saying I was "on it" today. This is very, very nice. He also called and told ME that, and I got a verbal from a trooper in person as well. Not bad, not bad, I think I'll survive this! And to think I am there because I WANT to be, and not because I HAVE to be. But after January I think I will limit my days to two a week, to be able to help David with the business as well as get some serious at-home time.

Today I worked from 10am until 10pm. Most of the time I only covered one area, but I am able to take a second area while someone else is on a break, too. I won't gain weight working in Marysville because there is little time to eat.

We got bad news about David's father yesterday. What they had originally thought was fluid in his lungs is actually cancer. He has had cancer for some time, but now it has spread into the lungs, evidently. Barring a miracle, this spells the beginning of the end. At least we can happily dwell on the fact that "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" and although he will be missed, and we will grieve, it is not hopeless. He's been bought and paid for, and has a home waiting for him in heaven. Unlike the hollow and often fake sentiment "he's in a better place", we can really KNOW that he will be in the presence of God Almighty the second his spirit leaves his tired body.

Right now we've got Christmas around the corner. I'm almost "DONE" if I don't think about the tragedy that is - I HAVE NOT BAKED ONE THING THIS YEAR. UGH!!! But this is not a normal year by any means. I only mailed out one box this year, to San Francisco to my only Sarah May. She should be home for Christmas, but I understand the emotional pressure that kept her in California. She still got her Christmas stocking, however!

The cats have generously left the packages under the tree alone, for the most part. Strong Bad, just a few minutes ago, was trying to open two of the gift bags. Her little teeth marks will be on the tissue. I bought the cats a double deck cat climbing house/scratching post for Christmas. Not sure what to get the dog...

I'm looking forward to being surrounded by family for Christmas. What a great Holiday.

*sigh*

I'm exhausted. I want to be in bed before it's tomorrow.

Mom Shap signing off

Back in the (saddle?) again

2005-12-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

Hello patient reader,

Don't hope for anything negative cuz it ain't hap'nin.

I went to work today, well, I went to be introduced to stuff today, at the Marysville office of the State Patrol. I left here at 0705 and arrived in the Communications room at 0739. NOT too shabby, I'd say. I spent most of my day sitting with AJ who explained the weird telephone system which works off a mouse, and other things in general. I filled out paperwork to be employed there, which was really an odd feeling. "Have you ever worked for the State Patrol before?" "In what capacity?"
Whoa. Um, yeah, I guess you'd say I've worked for the State Patrol before. I got to meet several of those dressed in blue. I immediately liked some of them a lot, including the female lieutenant whose name I can't remember. The shift went by very quickly, and I am only slightly frightened to think that I will work "on my own" for four days starting the 19th. *shudder* It's okay. I can do this. Deep breath.

SO in other news:
I got a text message AND call from Justin 2.0. Yes I did. And although it was because he broke himself falling while snowboarding, I was still happy to get both the text and call. I'll be in Wenatchee Thursday and Friday and perhaps I'll see the boy. And maybe he won't be quite as drugged. That was amusing, however...

We spent last weekend painting inside the Wenatchee house. It's going to look really nice. I wish I'd done this work a few years ago, in fact!!!! I'm going to do more of the same Thurs/Fri. I'll be in Wenatchee for the Communications Christmas party on Thursday and the debut showing of Greg's movie (OK, Charley's movie which stars Greg) on Friday night. Too bad I'm going to the party alone. *sigh*

Now I'm hungry again.

We finally got a successful fire going here. Some nice boys showed up today and chopped firewood. Then David showed me that if you blow on the fire it helps dry the logs so they burn better. I did, and it did, and they did.

I need to water the dead tree.

I sent Daniel on a mission tonight, with a $100 bill in hand. Ha ha ha ha it's CHRISTMAS and we'll see if he manages to do this errand for me. Poor guy. It's because of where he works, but that's all I'll say for now. I told him there was an errand-runner's fee in there for him. He laughs at me.

David IS in fact a Citizen of the United States of America. This was called into doubt, as some of you may recall, a few years ago when we took a trip to Canada. No paperwork supported his citizenship. He just found out that just such proof exists, so now we can get passports. (when the documents arrive) We will be taking a trip overseas somewhere to celebrate our new life. This should happen in the next month or so. YEAH BABY. My grandma warned me not to marry a "foreigner".

OK I am so tired, hungry, and need to water the dead tree and put the dog away.

Love,
Mom Shap of the Bothell dwelling

Peaceful times

2005-12-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

It's odd, at this time of trying to "finish" moving in (I went through amazing pain today to place 4 pictures E-X-A-C-T-L-Y where I wanted them) that I feel so at peace. It may speak of my small mind that I gain so much satisfaction polishing my new kitchen counters and cleaning my new toilets. I bonded with the wood floors this week, and I love them and they love me. There are still too many boxes in the garage for me to put the Scion in there, but much of the stuff is either garage, long-term storage, or wall stuff. So really, it's not so bad. Our home is warm, welcoming, and as I said at the start, PEACEFUL.

Laura's kitty, the multi-personality StrongBad, had a bit of a run-in with some sort of local wildlife. I wonder how the "other guy" faired. She bled admirably as she ate an entire can of cat food, and by morning she'd cleaned herself up quite well. That was when I bonded with my floors by mopping them. She's walking around normally, now, and I think she's just fine. We let her out less now, and not at ALL after dark.

Thanksgiving was beyond wonderful. It was everything I'd hoped, almost, and in some ways more... which seems like a contradiction but I'm a woman and I'm allowed. I got the luxury of having my sister, Carol, here for a full week. That is a first since I moved away from California in 1990 - but really I haven't had her with me for that long since moving from Fresno in 1980. Wow. My eldest son, Justin, brought his wife and kids up to visit and we got 3 days with them. My daughter-in-law may be the most helpful kitchen partner in the world. I am serious. Dinner was great. But Greg was SO glaringly obviously missing. So was Sarah May. The other Justin; I have to assume he was missing of his own choice... the other two would have been here in a heartbeat if they could have.

BUT on to good things that don't cut me when I pick them up... ;-)

I miss some of my Wenatchee peeps. I do not miss our Wenatchee-style life greatly. Know what's weird? The Bothell Posse has been too busy to visit Mom Shap. Seriously. Yeah, I know. I'm amazed, and sad, and amazed.

I am in love with a store. IKEA and me. Yep. *sigh* Speaking of that, and I'd LOVE to bore you with more stories; I HAVE to get my clothes into my new IKEA dresser. Yeeee haw more empty boxes. My other passion is online shopping, and I ordered 6 Native American prints for the family room. They're all petrogliphs. I can't spell that. Petrogly.... rock paintings.

I'm gonna go unpack for a while, sleep quickly and try not to cough, and head for Wenatchee tomorrow to (ICK) clean and paint.

GOOD stuff is happening for the Shaps. Good stuff. God is so good.

I think maybe I'll tell ya'll some great stories in about 3 months.

And Bothell boys - try coming by sometime. Like Monday or after, since we'll be in Wenatchee for the weekend.

Mom Shap misses ya.

Love,
Mom Shap

Madison Land

2005-11-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

Madison is dancing slowly in circles with her eyes closed. Her hair is platinum blonde and feathery and flows like a cloud around her. She is oblivious to the other restaurant patrons. She might be out in a meadow somewhere, or on a beach. Madison is in Madison Land where all is perfect and she is perfectly free. Her energy has no limits, and her laugh is infectious. I can imagine that she will ask for something to eat in about an hour, right about bedtime. She'll announce that she is SO hungry, and her mom and dad will remind her of the wonderful dinner that sat ignored on her plate as she bounced around and giggled. Madison is five. She is every happy part of being five. She is surrounded by people who love her and would never hurt her. She believes in herself and is satisfied with her little five-year-old life. She is testing out what happens when you speak defiantly to Daddy. She readily says "sorry" when she knows she's overstepped a boundary. She accepts compliments simply, and with a little sweep of her delicate hand she pushes the hair from her eyes and says "thanks" or just makes a sound like "mmhmm". Madison looks like a little angel, but her voice carries to the next room easily. She knows who she is, what she wants, and what it is she needs you to do. I can see lots of activity going on behind her brilliant blue eyes. I want to know Madison at six, and seven, and seventeen... I want to watch her grow and change. Madison Land. I wouldn't mind spending an afternoon there every so often.

Final moments at more than just a "job"

2005-11-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

How do you really say "goodbye" to people in whom you've invested your time, your prayers, your absolute attention, your best skills, and your life for ten years? It is not an easy thing. Yesterday, as one of the troopers was filling out some paperwork while leaning on my console, he mouthed the words "Don't go". Don't go. Well, I have to go and basically, now I am gone.

Tonight was my last shift. At about 10 minutes before 10pm, Dolores came up to me with her headset ready to plug in and said "Ready?" Tears INSTANTLY filled my eyes. I shook my head, but unplugged. How strange. To unplug, knowing I will not plug in again. I realize that readers cannot grasp the hugeness of this.

We form what they call a "lifeline". If you take what we do seriously, you know just how important it is to give it absolutely your best. Your everything, while you are there on duty. Do it for a while, and you may start to think that they just aren't as safe or well cared-for in other hands. That is my problem. I don't think anyone else can take as good of care of my boys as I did.

The picture taking spree was so much fun. I can't tell you. We laughed so much. Except the picture with Brian didn't go the same way and I'm not posting it because it makes me sad. I want another chance to do a better one.

The photos above are two of my favorites. The first picture is me with our tow truck trooper. He had JUST learned, seconds before the photo, that I was leaving. He's funny, and he put his head on my shoulder and mock SOBBED for a while. He told me that I am one of the only dispatchers the tow truck owners and drivers speak highly of, and say they "never" want to anger. Funny, eh? I'm way friendly, I guess. The second one is with one of our sergeants, who has a pair of the biggest hands I've ever seen. Look at his in comparison with mine, for instance. He has spent lots of time the past week just conversing with me. Some shifts this has been for better than half the shift.

So I take with me many, many stories, and many memories of good and bad times. God had me right where I needed to be for these ten years. I honestly cannot believe that it's over.

Mom Shap signing out

My most awesome quilt

2005-11-09T23:17:00.000-08:00

This is the quilt that Yvonne at work made for me out of my discarded quilt blocks. I love that woman. The quilt is backed in red, and trimmed in red fabric with white hearts. It's on the back of the couch in our Bothell home family room. It will bring comfort and warmth until I die, and then Laura can have it. I feel loved.

I get to ride along with Brian tomorrow night. Schwing. I wrote him a poem, but I'm not posting it on here. You'll have to ask.

Goodnight.

Closer, it's getting closer...

2005-11-08T22:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I watched the pass cameras with great interest and when I saw that it was staying above freezing and wasn't snowing hard, I took off with a load of household items and nearly all of my clothes, and went to Bothell. No worries until I hit Startup which is when the traffic snarl started up... I crawled nearly all the way home from there.

BUT Mr. Shap took me to IKEA and of course that made the bumper-to-bumper traffic a thing of the past. We got two very cool bar stools for our eating area off the kitchen, possibly known as a "bar". We then went out for some delicious food. Back at the house I had to re-paper the kitchen shelves, re-think where I had put everything, and re-organize the whole thing. I was very happy with the result. It could have been a disaster, however, because I got truly stuck in one of the lower cabinets that disappears way off to the right. I stuck my whole self up to my waist in there, don't ask me how, and then I got stuck. I started laughing hysterically, as is my common practice when I'm either scared, hurt, or stuck. Then I pictured the rescue workers cutting my precious cabinets to free me, and I just went for it and yanked myself free. OUCH. One very awesome thing is that the more we put away, the more storage we realize we have at that new house. Exceptional coolness. It looks smaller, but it is way more efficient, I guess.

I bonded with my new home by doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, and cooking a nice full dinner. It made my heart deeply happy. I made cream of potato soup, and since Elizabeth was there I used vegetable broth instead of the usual chicken broth. I also cooked chicken in Coke again (yum) and made steamed broccoli. The interesting thing that happened with this combination was, and this was NOT intentional; I made a "soup bar". Add your own ingredients. The vegetarian among us could have either cream of potato, or cream of potato and broccoli soup! See how it works? And I also made freshly baked French bread. David jumped right on this soup buffet idea, and said I could have all the add-ins you might want, plus bread, crackers, croutons... WHY have I not thought of this before? So as soon as I'm done working here in Wenatchee, there will be a soup bar at the Shapovalovs. You are all invited. It will be a cream of potato base, with offered cheese, mushrooms, sausage, chicken, broccoli, and who knows what else! COOL.

OH YEAH and David bought a mattress set for us. I got a deep moss colored duvet cover for our king sized down comforter, but we like a queen sized bed. Dunno - the king is just TOO big. So anyway I ordered a bed frame, and David bought mattresses and OH MY GOSH they are SO comfortable you have no idea. Now we need the head board/foot board and our furniture. So far David's clothes are still in boxes mainly. ;-)

David got his office going, with wonderful storage furniture from, where else, IKEA! YEAH OH YEAH it looks great. It's like a wall of cubicles, and he bought these box-like inserts for those cubicles you want to use to organize papers or other messy/private things. LOOKS GREAT. He now has a cubicle unit, computer desk, regular desk, chair and ottoman (IKEA) and a BUNCH of file cabinets. We will be buying one more wall shelf unit for in there, and putting one of the double futons against the wall. Let the sorting begin.

The guest room is set up, sort of, with more to do of course. The futon has no frame, so it WAS sitting in sitting position on the floor until Laura moved it into her room last night for Ert to sleep on. I have covered that futon mattress with a navy blue cover, and I bought a navy blue duvet cover for one of our queen size comforters. The twin bed is already made up including a blue quilt on top. Do you see where the guest room is headed? Yes, it's the "blue" room. So on my one-day visit I totally cleaned the kitchen, re-did all the shelf paper and re-organized the shelves, did all the laundry, got our bed set up and put the linens on, stocked our bathrooms with the new earth-toned towels I got, and shopped until I literally dropped, but then I had to drive home. OH YES and I met with the station manager at the Marysville office of the State Patrol and he is anxious for me to join the team as an intermittent employee. I should be working a full week in early December to become familiar with the area. wOOt.

Greg will be heading over there on Thursday. This means his birthday is his Dad's responsibility! SO many places David can take Greg for his BD dinner. I already got him the digital camera he wanted. He's willing to take StrongBad (Laura's cat) over in her tiny KITTEN-sized carrier. Whaddaman. I didn't want to stuff her in that, but I also thought David would be here tomorrow and could take her when he left. He has appointments which will not allow him to break away. I can't have Laura suffering any more without her baby.

I finally got a hold of Carol, who is Justin's step-dad's significant other, and she says Justin does converse with his aunt and uncle on occasion and that he should be home from his duties on the gulf coast at Thanksgiving time, and he and Shannon have "plans" with friends in Seattle for the Holiday. At least I know he's okay, and that I am in good company as she shakes her head... Not having gotten in contact with me I assume I'm not part of the Thanksgiving thing, but on the other hand we will be terribly close to Seattle... Who knows.

I'm feeling very good about the intermediate work in Marysville. But David and I discussed the way the business he is buying is going. It looks like it is going to BOOM in the next year or so, based upon it's past two years' performance. We may expand the business, in which case I would be working with that full time and have to forget the part-time fun with WSP.

OK, so where are my Bothell boys when I'm there???? Nobody came to take advantage of Mom Shap's soup tonight. Maybe once I move there for reals they will start coming around.

AND MY BABY GOT A JOB, bless her heart. Little Laura. How precious. I'm thankful, because it will help her be independent, but I also wish I could work a business with her. Maybe David will decide it is a GOOD thing to bring her onboard once the business takes off. I think she'd be a very charismatic salesgirl.

Yeeks it's nearly 11:30. I am so tired, and look at me just typing away like a moron.

:-)
Goodnight.
Ruth

The goodbye party at work

2005-11-04T20:35:00.000-08:00

I didn't know it would hit me like this. Okay, I expected to be sad when I had to say "goodbye" to some of the heros I work with. But my chest hurts.

They had a luncheon at the office, and one of our little airplanes even came, with 3 of "my" boys in it. Juan, who was T-boned in his patrol car on my shift, and faded into unconciousness, and nearly caused me to have a brain explosion, flew the other two there. He's a pilot now. He attempted to make a joke about that but I didn't find it funny and neither did he so he didn't "go there". I remembered that I was pretty much okay until I called one of the other guys, Greg, to tell him about the crash and then I started crying. I had to go outside. You see, in my "job", you become so invested in your troops (well, some of us do) that you take it ultra personally if they're hurt. Greg was telling the other guys that I am the only dispatcher who knows exactly where he is on every shift no matter what he does or doesn't say. One time I got a "feeling" and I sent a Deputy to check on him at a location I felt he was on a stop (he hadn't advised of one). Imagine his surprise when this deputy pulled up and said "Your radio asked me to check on you". Greg was eternally impressed. As it turns out, my instinct was right.

But I'm leaving them. I'm leaving them in other hands, and some of those hands are connected to brains that don't really care. Brains in heads that are hot tempered and unreasonable.

Then there's Brian.

He's not a "unit" or a "trooper"; he's a friend. I think he needs to go west at a high rate. It KILLED me today to look at him sitting there eating food at my farewell party. I wanted to say "Just kidding! I just wanted a party." Tonight thinking about it I just started crying. It's exhausting. I think I'm beyond tired, too, but I didn't mean to make ties that would HURT when they were cut. Dang it. This hurts.

So much about this new life is absolutely awesome and so exciting and such a huge blessing. But to leave what I've built here still hurts a lot. I know I've been in the place I was supposed to be for 10 years. If I wasn't sad now there would be something wrong with me. So I'll just go to bed and cry a while. Tomorrow is a new day.

I haven't heard from Justin 2.0 in forever. I have relayed through Shannon a message to him about our plans.

I don't know if my Greggy will come here looking for food today. THERE IS FOOD, actually. I made meatballs in Yoshida's sauce. For the party. There were a few left.

I got a HUGE birthday cake today at my party. It was beautiful. Poor Tony; I'd assumed he forgot. He planned to surprise me at the party.

I just want to be in Bothell. I want to be David's employee and make coffee cake for his staff. I want to sit on my deck and drink coffee and watch the rain. I want to walk on the waterfront and feed ducks and chickens. I want to have the entire west side posse show up for cookies. I want my Adam to come over for dinner and give that priceless half-smile. I need a hug, darn it.

There was one coworker who, although working today, declined to participate in the food or chatter. He actually hates me THAT much. But, honestly, I could not be hated by a better person for it. If he liked me, I would have to question my morality, ethics, and demeanor. I am sorry that some people seem to live in a fermented state or manure.

I must sign off. My heart is tired. I want Brian to come over and tell me I'm forgiven for leaving.

OH I do have to mention one other amazing thing that happened. I had brought a box of fabric in for my supervisor and for our groundskeeper person (Yvonne) to look through and take what they wanted. Well, Yvonne found a pile of poorly made "quilt blocks" that I had made probably 15 years ago. She took them home and MADE ME A QUILT and trimmed it with fabric from the same box. I DID cry when I saw that. I can't even stand it. I do not deserve that. I want to go pick her up and thump her. I am amazed and humbled. It means more to me than she can possibly understand. It was a pile of my "giving up" and she turned it into a beautiful blanket.

That's all.

It was a day

2005-11-03T02:45:00.000-08:00

It's 2:44 in the morning, but it's still Nov 2 to me. Now, TODAY felt like a birthday. I had calls, emails, and flowers and a latte at work. Alllllrightythen. I will send the email out a couple of days earlier next year.

Happy birthday to me

2005-11-01T03:01:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday, such as it is. I get to work 10 hours tonight. I get to try to pack more of this house for moving when I awake later today. I get to listen to the roofing company work, which is what will most likely wake me up. Oh, somebody please let me snap my fingers and have the Bothell house be my only residence, work be done here, and these boxes a dim memory. I long for the smell of rain, the sound of rain, the feel of rain. I ache for the smell of green everywhere. Our new home. My new life. The best birthday present EVER.

Things NOT to say, revisited.

2005-10-18T02:35:00.000-07:00

The young father has gained wisdom and insight through his pain. It's
etched into his face in a new seriousness, and quiet sadness, that was
not there before. But I know his heart has been stretched, and can hold
a lot more compassion and can take more anguish than he might have
thought possible before. I know that he would be understanding if a friend
should have unthinkable tragedy intrude in their life, as it did his.

For him and his wife, the seemingly perfect was shattered. All of the assumptions
of "tomorrow" and "what we'll do" were shattered. The predictable, dependable,
the expectations - gone. Suddenly the spark and promise of life was snuffed
out; it was out of order, it was unacceptable. It has forced him to
re-think many things, including the words we say to each other when there
is hurt. Tonight we talked about that. This is some of what I got from
our converstation. He told me that he had a "list" of three things you should NOT say when someone is faced with a situation such as he and his wife have been faced with. Many well-intentioned people said some really dumb things to them, while baby Josie was sick and in the days following her death.

The reactions are not things he said, but just my own opinion...

"I know everything will be okay."
No you don't. You may hope and pray that it will, so say so. Tell me you care about me. I can hang onto that.

"My sister works with a woman who had a friend who had a neighbor whose
baby had the same thing. She did just fine, and the thing is, the doctor needs to...."
No. Stop right there. I'm sorry, but I don't want the diagnosis,
prognosis, or list of surguries. That's a nice story, and later when I'm not
in gut wrenching worry I'll let you tell the whole tale. You aren't a
medical doctor and don't have my daughter's chart in your hand, so just
stop.

"It's okay; she's with Jesus."
That doesn't make it okay. I want her here with me. Yes, I know that we
have a great hope, but I miss her NOW and here. Don't spiritualize my
human pain. It's insulting.

We say a lot of hurtful words to ourselves when we suffer. We accuse
ourselves of all sorts of things, and we replay the tapes and wish we HAD
done this and HAD NOT done that. What if...? If only... The "If" twins.
They kill the spirit. We don't need well-meaning friends to introduce
more doubt into a situation that is already almost more than we can
handle.

What not to say. Anything that brings doubt or is laced with cliche and
plastic "comfort". Anything that is know-it-all and braggy. Anything
that spiritualizes what is down and dirty and human.

What to say. Offer support. Say you are there. Better than that; BE
there. Saying isn't as urgent as being. Come and give me a touch; a hug if
you know me that well. Pat my shoulder as you walk by. Say you haven't
forgotten that I'm hurting. Say you're thinking of me and my family.
Say something I can answer simply with "thanks", and not have to think of
some insightful reply. Let me laugh, or cry, or talk up a storm. Let me
be silent. The heart never runs out of tears, but flowing tears mean
that the emotions are still open and the heart is still soft. Tears
aren't bad.

He told me that how he handled the stress of the whole ordeal was that he talked, non-stop, to anyone around. His wife, however, quietly cried. Each drove the other crazy with the way they coped, but it was very personal, and it was how they coped. It's impossible. I told him there is no warm and fuzzy way to present what they have been given to go through, it hurts, it sucks, it is just HARD and that's that. No answers, no explanations, no moral to the story. Not now, anyway.

This young father has an intense stare. It's like he sees right past
your eyes into your thoughts. Since this tragedy has happened in his
life, I see him seeking comfort. He looks into my eyes and it is as if he
hopes I might produce some wisdom that will help. I can't. I can just
make soup.

Yard Sale

2005-10-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

Exhausted. Beyond that, even. I want to veg out, and I should. What a long day. We made bank, I guess, but the people really did get a bargain.

There were two shining moments in this event.

Last evening, when Greg was helping us get the things outside that were heavy, we put the little twin bed out that Daniel's been using. Basically as soon as it was on the lawn we got one inquiry, and then a second couple drove up and bought it. They tried to talk us down from the $50 price, but I thought it was more than fair, seeing as how it had a mattress, bookcase headboard, and the bed frame with drawers, of course. I went in the house and on impulse grabbed a set of twin sheets and brought them to the mom. She handed them to the boy for whom they'd bought the bed, and when I went back in the house, I turned and he was hugging the sheets to himself and rocking back and forth. Broke my heart. I wonder if it's his first real bed...

Then today during the sale, a rather rotund grandma lumbered out of her car behind her happy and bouncy grandson. He looked a bit afraid of Steffy, our pig-dog, but I said "Hey, you're the perfect size to pet her on the head!" which he did, and she went into doggy euphoria and he was quite proud of himself for overcoming his fear. I said "She LIKES you!" and he just beamed. He saw the box of kid stuff, and there were FOUR dinosaur books! He looked at me with HUGE eyes and said "YOU HAVE DINOTHAUR THTUFF? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD DINOTHAUR THUFF!!!" I said, "Well, lots of young boys like dinosaurs!" And he looked SO pleased. He said "EVEN MEEE!" I told him if he could find any little dinosaurs in the box he could have them for free. This was almost too much for his little mind to absorb. "GRANDMA! The little dinothaurth are FREE!!!!" He left with 4 books, a pocketfull of dinothaurth, and a HUGE smile. Grandma bought the two older granddaughters each a purse from Laura's stash of sale items. She left with 3 happy kids, and a Christmas coffee mug, having spent $3.25. Hooray for garage sales.

We made almost $400. Yeah, baby.

I talked to a wonderful assortment of people today. What fun. I had conversations with older women and I love them. I am one, but they think I'm young and they're "surprised" that I have grandchildren, and we get along fine!!! I'm tired, David is close to dead tired, and we get to do this all over again tomorrow except so much is GONE already! The fridge, my bedroom set, the twin bed, lots of dishes and odds and ends. It's almost 7pm and I know I could go to bed right now. So could Steffy, the official greeter of the Shapovalov yard sale. She approved of 99% of the people, and the others got her growl and bark as a reminder to stay their distance. She especially loved one older man who had the kindest face and smile. He bent to scratch her behind the ears and told her she was wonderful. WHY WOULD SHE NOT LOVE THAT???? I love that! :-)

My heart is warmed each time I think of the boy hugging the sheets. I wish I could know who he is, and if he needs more than sheets. It makes my chest hurt to think that sheets are that special when you are 7. And yet, for $50, his parents got a bed that will easily last him 10 years... I do remember being poor. I remember having to scrape together change to buy the kids ice cream from the ice cream man.

David emptied the basement today. Emptied it. Do you have ANY idea how huge that is? It was full of lots of junk and some great memories. One thing that we found was a framed 8X10 of me at age 18. Laura grabbed it to hang in her room. She thinks I was so pretty at that age. Fact is I looked a lot like her, but not as beautiful. I'm not sad that she's my fan. I do wish she wouldn't poke my butt so much. ;-)

Happy birthday soon to Garett, little man. Grandma Shapovalov, Grandpa, and MAYBE aunt Laura will be there for the party. Could we possibly snag a certain handsome Bothell-ite to come along????

Cheers. Snores.

Love,
Mom Shap

Work story alert!

2005-10-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

Fun night at work tonight. The 10 hours didn't exactly FLY by, but went by quickly enough.

I had fun working with the particular officers on duty in Wenatchee and Okanogan tonight. At one point, the Wenatchee guys came into the office and the stories started.

This week, one unfortunate Wenatchee trooper had two drunken violators foul up his back seat. The first one vomited all over it, and the second one urinated all over it, even soaking the seat belts. He came in with the vomit guy story. He said he heard the unmistakable sound, and saw in his rear-view mirror the unmistakable sight, of this guy up-chucking. He opened the window between him and the back seat and said "Hey; hang your head out the window and do that!" so the guy did. The trooper demonstrated this - so funny - his head lolled to the side, tongue hanging out, retching. He said "I was thinking, man, I look like a K-9 Unit, with this guy hanging his head out my window with his tongue hanging out like that." The violator had rested his chin on the bottom of the open window, and let the drool and vomit just sort of roll out. I said the trooper should have taken a picture of this lovely sight - "you think you're cool when you're drunk????" The other trooper said it would actually not be a bad idea, for the case report. "Argue with this, Mr. Drunk. Is that your head hanging out my window, with vomitus and drool dripping down???"

Very funny, if you have a law enforcement-warped sense of humor.

I know we had a good laugh about it. But then, I was tired.

We see too many collisions caused by drunk drivers. Why don't people just stay HOME?
The DUI arrests are funny. The DUI collisions are tragic. That's why my boys in blue are heros. They stop the drunk that might have killed your mom, or son, or entire family.

Speaking of family; Laura is not here. This is sad. But she called me while I was at work, and her voice is a happy thing in my life. I'm trying to talk her into bringing me one Daniel this weekend.

I have a 4-day weekend. It's yard sale time. Woo. But I'm so excited to think that one month from now I will be a Bothell resident. OK, so I'll still have a Wenatchee home too. Still. So exciting. God is so good. Adam spoke to the chief of Police in Bothell in my behalf. Adam gets major kudos wrapped in dinner or something.

That's it for now. Mom is wiped, it's way late, and I'm signing off. I wish peace to the young man who thinks his black mark will forever scar his life. Forever is how you see now. In a while it will be a blur.

Love,
Mom Shap

Ch-ch-ch Changes

2005-10-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

Wow. So much is going on that it's just nuts. And still I have to go to work everyday like "normal". My mind is distracted, I tell you.

It's just a matter of a few short weeks until I am a full-fledged resident of Bothell. That's amazing. One very cool thing that has come up as a possibility is for me to work for Bothell PD. A dispatcher there just filed his resignation. Our house is basically right up the road from Bothell PD. The pay is better than it is here, as well. I don't think they wear uniforms. :-)

We had the inspection on the house, which went well. Did I write that already? Jirius, our real estate agent, took all of us (including Daniel) out to Olive Garden on Thursday night. Very cool.

I got a bunch of groceries today and I'm making some very cute miniature meatloaves in muffin tins tomorrow, as well as this rice/broccoli/cheese/egg mixture that's baked in muffin tins too. I'm thinking these, frozen and stored in freezer zip-lock bags, will make excellent on-the-fly lunches or dinners. I'm planning to take a bunch to the friends who are still dealing with life after having their angel baby for only 43 days.

I get irritated sometimes. Not really often. But I hate being hounded about something, especially if it's done as if I won't comply with a request I haven't been asked yet. I hate that. Makes me very rebellious and I don't want to comply with that request I haven't been asked yet.

I'm moving to Bothell.

I get to make cookies for the Bothell Posse often and make them dinner and have them show up to just say hello and get candy from the candy basket. How cool is THAT? And I expect them all to come and do those things. But not necessarily all at one time. :-)

I'm tired. But I have tomorrow off, then work 3 10-hour days and have 4 days off. The next weekend is hectic, with a wedding on Saturday and Garett's birthday on Sunday. That should also be the weekend the escrow closes, and Laura can move into the Bothell house. Meanwhile I will call Bothell PD and get a job announcement number and apply! WHIRLWIND. Can I do this????

Mom Shap

Hi!

2005-10-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

I have so many words in my fingers. Just don't have the time to type them all.

Yesterday I called the mom who lost her tiny daughter last month. Wanted to see how they are doing. I asked that, and even as I said the words I realized that it's not at all what I wanted to say. "How are you guys doing?" Hmm. Well, let's see now. Try "we're angry" or "we're devastated, thanks for asking." As I told her; the English language is so limited. We don't have many options. She said "We're hanging in there." That's fair enough. So we talked for a while, about soup and how you go on after your world is shattered. Yes, those are related. And I told her about the song, which I believe is called 'Held'. It was written for a mom who had lost a two month old infant. She hadn't heard of it.

This is what struck me. She said they are trying to figure out "what to do now." That is so deep. What do you do after you have had a part of your very heart ripped from your chest? You bleed, you bind up the wound and seek comfort, and you stagger on. I said that these things will come with time. I want to assure them that the pain they feel now is not wasted or worthless, but there is a greater plan that God has ahead. I know they'll learn that, and hearing the words may sound like so much blather at this still-tender time. I did tell her that their lives and testimony have already been a blessing as they have gone through this tragedy. But what DO they do now? Physically, I suppose, they gather the strength to pack up the nursery. Put away the tiny socks and little shoes, and take apart the crib to be stored. Now is the time to lean on the friends and family who surround them. Now is the time to consider their daughter Ruthie who is such a gift and such a little treasure. Now is the time to understand that Josie is a deposit in the Eternal - did Pastor Phil used to say a "down payment"? I think so. You have laid up treasures in heaven. She'll be waiting there for Mom and Dad. The pain in this young mother's voice was so fresh. But she was so willing to talk with me about it and so quick to laugh when we were joking around. It makes my heart just ache to think about the deep despair you would feel to walk back into the house that had just been so full of baby sounds and smells and warmth... Oh God comfort them.

I talked to her at the beginning of my shift, and shortly thereafter the entire shift made a huge flushing sound and went straight down the potty. The two other people on duty went into absolute negativity hyperdrive and ran my spirit into the ground so badly I felt physically ill. At one point I wasn't sure I could remain in the room listening to the pounding and expletive-sprinkled complaining. It was like ... well ....I think it actually defies comparison. I would have to say it was the worst shift I have ever worked as far as negativity goes. It started out badly, and got worse and worse and worse.

I let them know today how badly the shift affected me. It was a surprise. A SURPRISE. *shaking head* I just don't understand it, and I never will. You can choose to find fault with every single aspect of your entire shift or you can just go with the flow and have a good night. GO WITH THE STINKING FLOW. Build a bridge and get over yourself, PLEASE.

I'm weary to the last cell of me.

But I got to go home 2 hours early tonight (yee haw) so that's cool. And I got a recommendation letter from a sergeant yesterday that is beyond amazing and built me up considerably, so that's cool too. Two cool things. ALSO, after I let the two offenders know how their sourness affected me, one promised that it would not happen again. We shall see, but the promise was cool.

Thursday we are going to Bothell for the house inspection and I am going to try to meet the supervisors at Bothell PD and the other police departments in the area, as well as HOPEFULLY see the US Dept of Fish and Wildlife and get my name in there too.

I have to go to the bathroom now, so I'll stop. I do have a story or poem in me but I am not sure I can type it or them.

Mom Shap

Side effects

2005-09-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

Packing up to move. Not fun? Well... if you're ME, you find fun everywhere. EVERYwhere. I was packing books, because books are heavy. We will be having a garage sale mid-October so I'm sorting through stuff to see what we will sell, throw away, or pack for the move. Among the stuff I'm looking through is a LOT of fun memories. Books I read the kids over and over, things they wrote, and photographs. I just spent about 3 hours going through history. Home school history. It made me very mushy. I miss the days when my days were filled with the kids.

We're moving. It's a huge chore. We have 11 years of GARBAGE and good stuff stacked and boxed and piled and gathered and MAN we've got a job ahead. A coworker offered to come help. I thought, no, but now I'm thinkin', heck yeah.

Found out that Justin 2.0 is in Louisiana now. His girlfriend told me this on Instant Messenger. Hmm. No wonder I haven't had a call!! HA HA HA HA HA

I bought some weird stuff today. Lucky Charms, Dibs, and scented candles. All because a certain westy will be headed east this weekend. SOON the drive will be 5 minutes instead of an hour and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm halfway watching a movie behind me so I'm goin!

Much love,
Mom Shap

Our new house

2005-09-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

David went to Bothell on Monday to do some necessary paperwork. We're not even close to being done with that. I haven't checked on how much money I'll have to play with when I quit, but it will be enough to buy shelves for all our books, a new bedroom set for us, a coffee table, a new cabinet/countertop combination to sort of extend the kitchen into the family room, and a new entertainment center that will fit in the corner of the family room. I'm trying (half-heartedly) to talk David into a flat screen or whatever those really cool TVs are so we can have a nice movie watching area in the family room. I'm thinking of, besides having the tea-making station in there, having a second small microwave with a rack of popcorn beside it. Yeah baby. Today I am taking care of some business here, also washing the dog blankets while she's at the doggy beauty shop, and soon I'll be cooking/baking... I am going to buy some moving boxes so that we have all the same size boxes for heavy things, making it easier to pack into a truck and to sort. Small boxes for books, etc. Hopefully we can have all of our books along one wall in either the living room or the "office". In the photo you see a bedroom window to the left of the entry. That will be the bedroom/office. It will have this computer workstation in it, one futon bed, the file cabinets, and HUGE amounts of books.

I am planning to get a navy blue couch for the living room. Oh, yeah, that goes in the list of "things to buy with retirement money". I am also planning to paint the dining room either a deep red, or navy blue. The living room is taupe right now, which does not go with my couches but goes with the love seat we have. The family room is wood and rock, so the toast color couches will fit in PERFECTLY as will my Native American stuff. The dining room is currently a deep moss green; GORGEOUS, but doesn't go with anything I own. I'm a navy blue, bright yellow, and red kitchen item sort of guy. I want a week off to just pack up excess stuff. We hope to have a yard sale mid October. We WILL have a yard sale mid October! Should be about 4-5 days before escrow closes. Meanwhile, a new roof is going on this house as well. I may even publish pictures of THIS house. I love my current house. It's served us well. And darn it if Laura didn't insist the 'Party Tree' has to go. Good times. But time to move on.

Ya'll take care. Write to me! :-) Be good, and strong and wise.

Head is spinning

2005-09-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

Hi ya!

I am using a laptop. It's hard for me, and I have typos like crazy, but it's cool to be sitting on the couch like a spud, on the Internet, typing away. Beside me, basically, at the PC, David is checking out properties in the Bothell area and surrounding areas, to consider purchasing as income propterties.

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE IN BOTHELL.

We went there to look, and ended up with pen in hand, initialing page after page. It's a very weird feeling. Our lives are about to change drastically.

I have to call HRD tomorrow or the next day and see if they'll tell me how much money I'll walk out with. Should be enough for a nice break from work so I can smoothly transition beween Wenatchee and Bothell. Laura will move first, just as soon as the deal closes, so that she can get a job over there and begin HER new life!

Our new house is really gorgeous. The yard is small, but exceptionally impressive! I shall post pictures when they are available, after tomorrow.

Ah. I also submitted my resignation to the State Patrol effective November 6. YIKES. That was REALLY scary.

But exciting.

Take care. Write to me.

Mom Shap

paybacks

2005-09-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

For about 3 years of her life, and actually beyond, Laura lived with her mom biting her. I couldn't resist that sweet little thing. From the time she was born, her lips, cheeks, ears, fingers, toes... had to bite 'em.

Well, payback's interesting. She will probably keep biting me until I'm in a pine box.

We had a really laid back evening with Daniel here. Earlier on Saturday, some kids showed up and Greg was here and we all listened to the latest mix of the new 'Endeavor' CD. That was absolutely awesome and I'm so proud I could poop. Then the other kids left and in the evening it was just me and David and Laura and Daniel hanging out. We had a goofy photo session, and the above photo is just one of those! Good fun. So this is the post for Saturday, although today is Monday and it's my Thursday and I work 12 hours today (with emergency callout pay) and 8 tomorrow. THEN it's off to Seattle to house hunt. Any of you Bothell/Seattle crew who check this who can find some time to perhaps hang out with us, that would be just majorly cool and wonderful. I'm thinkin' sushi, but Mexican or Italian food would be nice as well.

Love to you all,
Mom Shap of the slimed cheeks

Just thought of something else

2005-09-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

I ran over my toe with the vacuum. No, it didn't feel good.

OK, the funniest thing happened today. After the funeral Laura and I decided to go tanning, take some stuff to GoodWill, and then eat at LaFuente, and go to Fred Meyer for supplies for the weekend with Daniel (gotta have juice, and either Kap'n Krunch or Lucky Charms...) So we did all that. Got home, and Greg scared Laura to death by being behind the door when we opened it. His car wasn't here. He was with Michael Blakely and Bethy. There was a youth group function tonight. Don't worry, I'm getting to the point. So anyway on the way home I was whining to Laura that I am still in "cook for a crowd" mode, yet there is rarely anyone here for meals except mea and Laura. So I cook for a crowd, and throw away lots of leftovers. Last night I had an urge to cook beansprouts and hamburger. I made a HUGE amount of the delicious stuff. Leftovers. So when I saw Greg and Michael and Bethy I lit up and said "ARE YOU HERE FOR BEANSPROUTS AND HAMBURGER???" And Greg looked shocked. He had volunteered to make beansprouts and hamburger for tonight's youth group event. He had forgotten to make it, and needed it in 20 minutes. I had it made already, in nice containers, ready to go. He said he was going to use that as an illustration in a talk he will give the youth. I assume it would be a talk on how God creatively provides. That particular provision must have made God smile, if not laugh. I'm sure God gets a real kick out of Greg.

Anyway, that's my funny story. Still makes me chuckle. huh huh.

Love,
Mom Shap

Long day

2005-09-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect.

We met at the church a little after 11am, and the service started at about 11:30. It was beautiful. The music, the words, the pink balloons. Everything was "baby girl" and there was a lot of love in the room.

I got to talk to Dave and tried to talk to Brenda but my mouth got dry and my throat slammed shut and I could hardly say a word. But I got to at least TRY to say something, and found that the words I'd left them in emails and messages were appreciated.

The last song was 'You Are My Sunshine' which... no way. I sang that to each of my babies, substituting "little" for "only". During much of the service, tears flowed freely. The picture they chose of little Josie was absolutely the sweetest. She was resting on her mama's chest, and had a priceless newborn smile.

Ruthie, the older sister, made it difficult for those sharing to be able to talk, as she cheerfully greeted them from the audience. "HI AMY!" She was so excited. And she shows so clearly why life most definitely should go on.

Those there who did not know the way of salvation cannot say that any more. The gospel was heard. No empty words of "she's in a better place", but honest words of hope "I go to prepare a place for you, that where I am, there you may be also". And it was well explained that God has purchased us that "place" by giving His Son to die. Very uplifting, although extremely sad service. I'm glad I went.

So now Laura and I are cleaning house in between being distracted. I scored at the cell company booth at the mall, fixing a horribly flawed plan which was trying to cost me $281 per month. I DON'T THINK SO!!!!! I'd rather buy stock in the cell company. Not this one. But anyway. She fixed it.

Now I must see to the rest of the chores. It was an exhausting day all in all. I still can't tell some of the stories from the service without crying. So I'll focus on the dusting and scrubbing. :-)

Love,
Mom Shap

Falling in l...no falling apart!!!!!

2005-09-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Falling apart. Getting old I guess. OldER. I have never hurt my back before. But I pulled something and so I'm doing this self therapy. Ice alternating with heat alternating with the little massage thingy. I think it was a combination of doing all that heavy yard work and then babysitting and carrying Joshy around all day. Youch. I woke up unable to move at about 4am. Seriously. But I've taken it easier today, didn't even get any housework done except for cleaning a bathroom, doing laundry, and changing a guest bed.

Getting ready for a sad day tomorrow, but a necessary show of support. There will be many friends of mine there, and we'll share tears, but the real sorrow is owned by those who lost this little baby girl. We sorrow because of their sorrow, so it's second-hand. It makes us appreciate our children, and our blessings. For those of us who have lost a child, it will bring back memories.

I went to WalMart yesterday. On the pet supply aisle, there were two rather rough looking older men comparing the weights of their dogs. This was a very amusing conversation. I think they both wanted to have the smallest AND largest dogs. And they talked in sort of a southern accent. "Wale, muh rott wahler is about a hunnerd fitty pounds"

Know what I'm thankful for? Emails from people under 21 years of age. Yep. I'm thankful for that. Ok, I'd be thankful for emails from people who are 21, but nobody who is 21 sends me email!

I just think it is so very cool to get the priveledge of looking into young lives and knowing they know they can trust that.

OK no more excuses. Time to go to sleep so it will be tomorrow. *sigh* Maybe all those supposed helpers who ditched out on me today will show up tomorrow. Hmm. I pay very well. $10 per hour for house work or yard work. Nobody has figured out that yard work is worth more. But I tip the yard workers. ;-) They always get an extra $5 or so. Any takers?

Goodnight to all.

Monday, Monday, dah dah dah dah dah dah

2005-09-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I sing a lot at work. Mostly Cielito Lindo, but sometimes whatever song fits the occasion. I usually do it in a theatrical, heavily comical way. I sing my yawns, too. I sing LAAAAAAAAAAAH really loud, with much vibrato. I like to sing Cielito Lindo for our awesome little tiny Hispanic dispatcher who is cuter than a person has a right to be. She loves my Spanish. She says I have a great accent. I am just a great mimic. I can imitate just about anything. I say to her, every day "No lo se nada, mayng." Mayng is my version of a Hispanic individual saying "man". Mayng. It's funny. You'd have to be there.

"De la Sierra Morena,
Cielito lindo, vienen bajando
Un par de ojitos negros,
Cielito lindo, de contrabando

Coro:
Ay, ay, ay, ay,
Canta y no llores,
Porque cantando se alegran,
Cielito lindo, los corazones"

The ay, ay, ay, ay part is way fun. You should try it. It's a great stress reducer.

So Greg's here right now playing songs on his dad's old Takamini guitar and singing. It's absolutely wonderful and I wish to hold my breath so that it doesn't end. I will harmonize. I do. And it's coo.

Two good things and one bad one

2005-09-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

Two good things happened today. First of all, I had been really wishing our Pastor Phil from Valley Bible Church could be here to provide his absolutely unique and wonderful comfort in the face of death. So I go to Calvary Chapel 2nd service, and the entire music lineup sounds like something Pastor Phil would have custom ordered. Oh my goodness. I was transported back to the days Pop Howard would sing at the top of his lungs and smack the back of the pew in front of him in time with the music. It was a refreshing time of worship, and the music and lyric content was exactly the right medicine for the soul. It did not hurt that Greg led two of the songs in his clear and young voice. I was so proud I swear the top of my head nearly came off.

The bad thing happened in the middle. The recent heavy rains unseated some enormous rocks, compared to Volkswagons, which came down on I90 near Snoqualmie Pass. One of the rocks obliterated a vehicle, killing three people. The rock slide was so severe that it took about 14 hours to get totally cleaned up. The geologists at the scene were testing the hillside for stability before allowing the road to be re-opened. With westbound 90 being closed that long, the traffic backed up insanely, people were calling at the rate of more than one a minute, and a huge amount of cars tried beating the system by going over Blewett to attempt to get to Stevens Pass. Traffic was stopped and backed up all over the place.

The second good thing happened at the end of my shift. We have two communications officers who work tandem, basically sharing one position. One of them doesn't want many hours, and works almost exactly 40 hours per pay period. The other has been able to get 40 hours per week, and when you are tandem you make an hourly wage rather than a basic monthly. The coworker who likes the hours is also a student, and has decided she is no longer able to handle working regular shifts AND going to school, so I get to go tandem. This will mean a slight loss of income, unless I do work the 40 hours a week she is now. I don't see why I can't do that. Even if I work a 32 hour work week most of the time, it will barely make a difference in the monthly checks. This means more time to go see the babies, more time to get this house ready for sale, more time to job search, and more time for ME! Immediately it will also mean going back to day shift. Meh. But that's the time I'll ask for only 30 or so hours of work per week! YEAH BABY. We get to sort all this out later this week. For now, I'm just very excited, a little scared, and really happy with the thought of more days off.

That's my news for the day.

Out of the mouths of babes...

2005-09-10T23:20:00.000-07:00

I arrived at work today to find the expected but terribly sad news. Josie had been escorted home by the angels. It's hard to explain how deeply this is felt by all of us. I could hear it in an extra huskiness in the voice of one of the troopers on the air tonight. He sounded distracted and tense. All tend to stand around, hands in pockets, and wonder what to do.

I visited her web page. It is something I wasn't familiar with, but it is called 'CaringBridge'. It is a wonderful idea. There is a guest book, and the following entry touched me to the soul:

"Dear Ant B and Uncle Dav

It is ok that baby Josie diyd, I know that Great Grampu is taking cair of her in hevin. She has no mor owies. I feel sad for you. I love you Ruthie.

Love, Kaden"

It's good to teach children about heaven. It's beyond good to have a hope.

All things considered

2005-09-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I like NPR. I like the show 'All Things Considered'. I like the host's voice. Normally I like deep and beefy male voices. His is rather light and slightly lispish. Say THAT with a lisp. But I do like his voice and I like the show. And that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything.

Today was just the weirdest. Laura and Daniel didn't wake up really early which was fine with me. When Laura came down from her room she announced that she wanted La Fuente for lunch. I announced back that I was making biscuits. She said yes to both. We ate there, the three of us, and that was nice. Before we went there, we discussed how the biscuit people make those canned biscuits flaky. Also, how the bakers make croissant rolls flaky. Daniel had some insight into this. After dinner at La Fuente, we went tanning. ;-) I'll never tell.

I realized today that I did some sort of damage with my ambitious week. The mowing and lifting and wearing of regular jeans have added up to some rather scary pain and that's not good. So I took it easy the rest of the day, then went to work in comfortable clothes. Nobody reads this so I don't have to explain that I only worked 3 hours today and will work 13 tomorrow, a goodwill trade with a coworker. I got to hug my kids before I left for work. They would be heading west while I was gone. Daniel's trunk was full of Mom Shap blessings for the house of musical men, and included a variety of cookies, toilet paper, and pancake mix. I love me some my Bothell boys.

This shift was one of those insane sorts when we are laughing our collective heads off, and then suddenly something happens that stops that nonsense cold.

And this is the thing.

One of our troopers has a little baby girl who is the most adorable little rag doll looking angel. Her name, oddly enough, is Ruthie. He told me, just after she was born, that I would appreciate what they named her. Well, Ruthie has a brand new little baby sister named Josie, who was born on July 28. Josie is in the hospital. She may never come home. In fact, it sounds like it's only a matter of time... Josie was born with a heart defect, and they were hoping that she could possibly get a transplant. She's on the list, or was until today. Today it was discovered that little Josie bled into her brain, causing damage that is substantial. They have taken her off the transplant list, and have recommended that she be taken off the heart machine as well. Her daddy reports that this is especially hard because she looks at Mom and Dad, and makes eye contact.

How does it feel to look at your beautiful little baby girl and know that shortly you will say "Go ahead, unplug her."??? How does that go through the brain and into the heart? It makes the problems in my very blessed life seem non-existent. MY baby girl was doing her happy dance this afternoon. She's as tall as I am, and she was biting my cheek with wide open mouth and sliming me to death. I got to hold her 26 hours a day for 3 years, and I've gotten to love her every day of her fabulous life. Unplug her. No. I can't even comprehend this.

All things considered, we have been blessed beyond belief. There are problems. There are emotional issues. There are messy rooms and dirty dishes and undone chores. There are late night fights and tears and tissues covering the couch. But there is no machine to turn off. We get to eat wonderful Mexican food at La Fuente and share stories and take Daniel tanning. I have not lost a child. I do not know how life would go on if I did...

I don't know what to do for them. I don't know what to say, but I will say SOMETHING. Daddy is made of the same steel all law enforcement officers are made of, and the only thing that breaks them is the loss of a child. Any child. Especially THEIR child.

I am stunned and quieted.

I look back on my baby-filled day yesterday, when Josh would smile up at me with that amazingly David Sparks-like grin and say "one" while holding up his toes for me to count. "one, two, three, four FIVE! Five toes!" it never got old. I sang "Clap your feet, all you babies" to him too.

I guess I'm mushy tonight. There have been dramas and tears and pain here recently. But nothing compares to turning off the machine. Nothing. Where there is life, there is always hope. And I pray that the little spark that Josie is for the very brief time God allows her to remain here never dies...

I am thankful for the undone chores, the messy room, and most of all for the cheek biting, happy-dancer who loves me too, every day.

Hug your kids.