Goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo

It was about 1pm before the group was ready to leave here and do something. I had decided we'd go to the zoo. All morning I taught little Ethan to sing the song mentioned in the title of this entry.

Ethan is a foster child, and is 3. It's his first time in foster care, and he alternately says his mom is dead, or gone, or hurt. As he sat at the table last night for dinner, and sorted out who Laura was, who Stephanie was, and who I was, he pointed at Josie and said "This is my foster mom". It was the first time he had said that. I believe Josie has had him for about 3 months. This is the first out of state trip and it's proving to be traumatic, but also educational and a positive building block for Ethan's security.

The last home they visited on this trip, Ethan was in a panic. He acted out, cried, screamed, hit, etc. But as soon as he arrived here he settled in peacefully. He reminds me all the time that he's not leaving. Today he spent a long time with his little forehead resting on mine, whispering to me. I think he figured it out, after leaving that other home with his world still intact, that this isn't another upheaval, but just a normal family outing.

Ethan is very 3. Some of his behavior is probably a result of his past, but some is just good quality 3 year old challenges. He often uses the phrase "I hate you". Sometimes it's really angry sounding, and sometimes it's very casual. When he said that to me one time this evening, as he was resting his head on my shoulder, I replied "Well, I think you're pretty wonderful." He didn't say anything, but he didn't move. He now expects me to smell his little feet and pretend they are horribly smelly. He has a deep chuckle that is infectious. He also has the most amazing large blue eyes. He loves Laura and Stephanie. He gets upset if one or both of them leave.

As I said, I taught him the little song "Goin' to the zoo" this morning. I think Peter Paul and Mary actually first sang that song. It's short and very simple for little people. I taught it to him while moving him in rhythm to the music, just as I sang with my kids.

Tonight he was playing around the coffee table. Josie had gone to bed with chills and a cough (I think she's got something beyond a cold). He looked at me and suddenly burst out in this big grin that showed his dimples. "Goin to szu, szu, szu, bout you, you, you. You come too, too too."

While at the zoo both kids seemed to have a good time. We were there a LONG time, and still didn't see everything. Summer time is better. Still, we had some great experiences.

The forehead to forehead whispering happened at the zoo. He didn't even look at the bears, because he was busy playing with me. That didn't hurt my feelings at all.

I tucked him into bed tonight, with a baseball cap, a police car, and a tractor.

He had that sweet smile. No fear, no anger. He had cute little flannel PJ pants on, and his toes got a few kisses just for good measure.

This is what love can do. Josie has taught him that he can trust her to always be there, unchanging, and safe. She is showing him what love of a child really is. In turn, maybe he will not suffer the deep consequences of abuse and neglect as he grows older. He may grow up NOT being an abuser. Maybe he will do more than survive.

Sweet little innocent boy with the huge blue eyes and little dimples. Even Misty, the scared to death of children cat, allowed him to pet her today. I'd keep him as a nephew.

I can't think of how many Ethans are out there. It hurts too much.

His foster sister, Tiana, also wants to stay a while. She will hang out with Laura tomorrow. More about her later. I am very drawn to her, and have been blessed to introduce her to quality Christian music that is up to date and inspiring. She is a treasure. She craves love and acceptance, like everyone, and she looks toward the future hopefully. I'd take 'em ALL if I could.

Cheesecake

I was shopping at Fred Meyer after closing the store tonight. My cell phone rang and it was Laura with instructions. I was to buy three packages of cream cheese, a can of sweetened condensed milk, and a package of Oreos. It seems Adam was at the house, and it was a cheesecake and movie night.

We had leftover roast beef for dinner, and it was either sandwiches or warmed up traditionally, depending upon your taste. Adam declared it "delicious", twice. That is high praise for a leftover. The movie was going along swimmingly.

But then the sky caved in.

So I'm going to bed now. I'll leave them to their discussion.

One of the most painful things I witness, and thankfully it's not often, is my Lu Lu Belle crying.

My jeans are WAY too tight. I am finding it amusing that I am gaining so much weight so rapidly and it doesn't bother me. I'm so happy, and so busy, and so happy, that I don't care. Plus it makes certain things gain weight that are happy to gain weight.

Josie and her gang arrive sometime tomorrow. I don't know exactly when. I am making chicken stew. Like chicken soup, but thicker. Manly. Chunky. Full of stuff. Fit for a three year old, a teenager, and a foster mom. Yeah.

I can't solve the problems they will encounter in life, but I wish for my children to first of all, and most importantly of all, give their hearts and lives to the One who gave them life. That was not me. I wish for them to walk in the light. I pray for this, and desire this with all my heart. I don't care if they are rich, or successful by the world's standards. I care that the treasure laid up in Heaven is plentiful and that they walk worthy of the calling in which they were called.

I think of Grandpa, looking down on them, nudging Saint Peter, and saying, "Say now. That's my grandson, Justin. He is walking with God, and serving through his music. I always knew that my investment would pay off." My dad. He absolutely adored my kids. And, rightfully, he coveted them for the kingdom.

So I go to bed tonight with a heavy heart. I wish for nothing to come between my children and their eternal calling. And I wish for them to experience no pain. But that's not realistic. To have them spared from temptation to walk away from their eternal calling is unrealistic. To believe they will win against the best plots of the enemy; is VERY realistic, in faith.

I tasted the cheesecake. It's Sadie's recipe. It is VERY good. Adam took home a healthy slice. At least I got a hug and an "I love you" before he left.

Tomorrow is another day.

We'll see.

Monday Night

Hello dear reader!

Tonight I have finally - well I was going to say "finished" but that's not true. I had a great day at work. We laughed so much today. Between flurries of radio traffic we played Trivial Pursuit the way we played it when Justin and Sadie were here. Just one person reading the questions and everyone answering. Everybody got involved, including the manager and supervisor, and any field unit or supervisor who happened into Radio. It was so much fun. It started when Bob-Bob asked me what Dumbo's name was. I answered correctly, "He was named after his father. His name was 'Jumbo Junior!" and Bob-Bob was impressed. Actually, we enjoy playing that sort of game fairly often at Marysville. I LOVE that about the place. I'm not "finished" because there is laundry still in process, and I have to re-make the guest bed...

I made roast beef for dinner. David was very happy. I just do not understand people who don't eat beef. It was soooooooo incredibly yum.

My plants didn't freeze so I was happy about that too. I am sore everywhere from digging and planting. Even my neck is sore. But I look at the freshly weeded flower beds, and my newly planted shade garden, and I am very pleased.

And we're gonna watch a movie now so I'll catch you later.

OH yeah, I had my house cleaned today by Molly Maid. It was nice to come home to shining floors and vacuumed carpets. It smells wonderful in here. It was a nice gift from me to me.

Ya'll take care.

I have so many more words in my fingers but they'll have to wait.

Sunday!

A day off. A real day off. And this is what I did.

I got up before my alarm because I was thinking about things. Got ready for church, and picked up the girls' dishes from several rooms. Went to Canyon Hills Community Church. Realized again why we are at that church. I listened carefully to everything, and I believe we've found a "no compromise" pastoral staff. I was deeply grateful for this and very encouraged. I dropped a note into the offering basket, stating that I am interested in working with the womens' shelter ministry in whatever capacity needed, including cooking. Left church, alone, and went to Alderwood mall. Got pants, a shirt, and some really yummy smelling body spray. Drove to Wendys and got a salad while talking to Carol on the cell phone. Went home. Saw that Laura, Daniel, and Julie were here. Ditched the salad, and took the kids to Olive Garden. Well, because Endeavor is going on tour and will be gone TWO MONTHS. So that would be Daniel's last hurrah. For a while. He promised me today that in spite of their obvious growing fame, he will not forget us. In fact, he says, he will still be here all the time. AND he thanked me for lunch. Whoa. Yeah, he did.

Well, this afternoon I tucked all the little plants into their new bed. While I was doing that, Tommy arrived with a car load of kids. Fun. Then after they left, and I was done planting, I started weeding. Soon the girl from across the street came over and started talking to me, then sat down and weeded with me for a LONG time. She even got her little shovel. Steffy thanked her by licking her arm sufficiently. We weeded until the sun went down.

Now Stephanie and Laura are here waiting for Endeavor to come on the radio. I am so excited. I'm almost sad that my boys are hitting the big time. I feel like they will suddenly be "tooo gooood" for me. But I know it's not true. Even really famous bands have moms, right? Right. Julie is visiting her aunt but will be back. Josie and her foster kids will arrive Wednesday. April 2 or 3 Elizabeth moves in. Wow. But I feel SO relaxed, and I know it's because I got to bond with my dirt. I planted a flower garden. I used a map! I know it is an investment, and I won't see huge results until a year or more from now. BUT - the thing is, I DID it. I saw it, wanted it, bought it, got it, prepared for it, and planted it. ALL BY MYSELF. Ta da!

Ok, that's it. The boys come on the radio in 18 minutes.

Much love

Red tennis shoes

When I was a little girl, I had a lot of favorite books. Mom used to read them to me, over and over. I knew that sometimes she would get tired of reading those same books, but I was, after all, the baby, and I got what I wanted. I ignored the sigh as she would turn back to page one and start reading again.

One of my very favorite books featured a cute little girl who loved to follow her daddy around in the garden, as he tilled up the soil and planted seeds. He let her help. The picture I loved the most and can still see in my mind was the little girl, walking behind her daddy, in the fresh damp soil, in her little red tennis shoes. I wanted red tennis shoes so I could do that. And, of course, being the baby, I got what I wanted. Red tennis shoes. I think they might have even been Keds. I guess Dad was about 54 years old by then, and he enjoyed having a little person walking behind him in the flower garden.

Today, after working at the State Patrol for 8 hours, I came home and started digging up the front flower bed, just outside the front door. I thought I was going to plant my flowering shade garden, as ordered from Better Homes and Gardens. It comes with a map. I did not know there were so many rocks out there. I mean - hundreds of them. But I dug up and raked out the 7ft by 5ft area detailed in the map. I was wearing white tennis shoes, which are now sort of brown. I missed my dad a lot while I was digging and raking and smoothing and measuring out the grid to plant the planned flower arrangement. Dad would have clicked his teeth and said "Say now!" I put white string in a grid pattern. It got dark, or those little plants would be safely tucked into their bed by now. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

All the animals, again, were very happy to watch what I was doing. StrongBad, the wild kitty, decided Grandma had made the best new litter box ever. Her eyes half closed in ecstasy, she enjoyed the right rear corner of the flower bed. I wasn't planning on using that corner anyway. That's where David will plant the little tree. Ha ha.

Now I'm dirty and I feel great. I can't wait to see the plants planted. It makes me want to get the boxes out of the garage too. Goodness.

OH GUESS WHAT! When I got home from work today, I discovered that Laura had taken my sheets and towels out of the washer, put them in the dryer, remade the bed, and folded the towels. I think that's why I had the energy and inspiration to pretend to put on my red tennis shoes and dig in the garden.

My home

I love my new home.

The yard smells of camping trips from long ago. It's green. It smells green. I walk through the yard, looking at every budding plant, every little fern and blade of grass. The dog and the cats follow me, wondering what I'm doing. I am being in my yard. I don't get to do that very often. I remember, as I walk and look and smell, why I fell in love with this yard the first time I saw it. It isn't large. It's very small, really. But it is so green and casual and earthy. It's like having a mountain without having to have the mountain. I get ivy, and evergreen trees, and flowering bushes, and roses, and ferns.

My funny friend, the grey squirrel, has made a complete mess of the bird feeder. I refill this, but only halfway this time. I wash and refill the water dish. I hang another feeder, hopefully a bit more squirrel-resistant.

The squirrel feeder, which hangs in the evergreen tree in the front yard, has been well-visited. I refill the feeder with nuts and seeds, and I smile at the empty shells left below.

The dog follows me as I slowly walk around in my yard, looking at my plants, and wishing I could actually be here each day to nurture and weed and dig and enjoy.

I'm not depressed. I'm optimistic. I know that what I am doing, away from this heaven, will pay off one day.

I live here now.

This is not Wenatchee.

I will not be a victim or a prisoner here.

I have just lit 6 candles.

I do candles now. Again. There are a few people who will know how significant this is. On my dining room table there is a silver candle holder which holds three tea lights. They are lit, and they glow beautifully against the backdrop of the green walls and the large window. Outside, in the barrel planter, new plants are starting to bud and flower. They are just as hopeful as I am.

On the porch, a frog holding two more candles is waiting to welcome the girls home.

This evening I walked slowly through the backyard imagining the activities of this summer. The barbeques. The nights of laughter with grandchildren and children. The music.

I have accidentally let in a large something. I think it's a wasp. Maybe something else. So I leave the family room sliding glass door open, hoping he will desire freedom and leave my skylight for the outdoors! He makes a thumping sound as he hits the skylight, and this disturbs me.

I am very peaceful as evening descends. The neighbors' lights are coming on, and it is growing ever darker. I know that I have worked nearly two weeks without a break, and tomorrow is just another work day. But it's 6:30. The washer and dryer are humming. The dog is pacing, wondering if it's dinner time, wondering why it's dark in the house. I don't really care what the animals think. I don't care what the neighbors think.

I have a lot of boxes to unpack. They crowd the garage, and make it unusable. I can't care about that now, because my mind doesn't have room. I looked at them this evening, during my tour of my home and yard. I decided that a whole lot of the contents will see 'Value Village' at the drop off site.

I want my wind chimes up, though. I miss them terribly.

That's all for now!

Weekend woes and whoas

So, as all of you, all two of you, know, we are preparing our Wenatchee home for renting. Yes, it's taking this long. No, not happy. But it's okay because sometimes I can clearly see God's humor and timing in this process.

Take this weekend, for instance. I tried to get to Wenatchee on Tuesday, then Wednesday, and finally arrived Thursday afternoon. Just too much going on here to break away. Anyway, I sent text messages to several people to let them know I was there. I got a couple of calls. The first call was from Greg, and he earned one dinner at La Fuente. AMAZING. One call I did not expect was from Adam. #1 example of God's timing. Adam had court in Chelan County on Friday morning at 9am. I got to go with him, as moral support. I am certain all concerned thought I was "mom". I'll do. Adam didn't "do" as well, so for a while he's owned by Chelan County. 10 1/2 months, to be exact. At least there is no interest on the payments. He earned brunch at Buzz Inn. Delicious. The rest of the meals I had while there, I had alone. Other than the Wendy's salad I ate while my dear Brian sat and talked with me. That was call #3. He was text message #3 as well.

I trimmed grape vines, clipped back Clematis, cleared flower beds, cut down spent basil, painted cabinets and a closet, cleaned, de-junked, and cleaned some more. Not enough, because we are not yet done. But while I was clipping Clematis, a nice SUV drove into my driveway. Friends arrived to say hello, and the husband also informed me that he now works for a real estate management company - by any chance did we need to have assistance renting out the house? God smiled.

I went to Calvary Chapel on Sunday because Greg asked me to. So glad, so glad. Greg was leading worship that morning. I think two people read this, and you both know what that means. Anyway, he was playing guitar and leading and this was really amazing and impressive and I couldn't stop the tears for many reasons, but mostly I kept picturing the little Greg who innocently sang, so clearly and so passionately "I'ne happy tooday, I'ne happy tooday, in Jesus Christ so I'ne happy today because he TOOK all my sins aWAY at the cross and that's why I'ne happy tooday"

And Greg is still happy tooday. Why? In Jesus Christ he's happy today. Same reason as when he was 3. Except now he realizes the cost of that sin-taking, and he can name the sins. At 3 he was hard pressed to come up with more than being mean to his baby sister or hiding from Mom. At 22 he is aware of the sin nature, and the miracle of forgiveness. I cried because I was so thankful that he has remained rooted in the soil we dropped him into the moment he was born, and that the fleeting temptations of the world have not plucked him out. And I thought of my dad, and how he would just be BEAMING to see Greg now, and he would say "Say now!" and click his teeth together like he did. Little Greg. My mom used to rock him, and as the other grandbaby boys she would sing to him and call him her little "Jesus boy". Now he's this great big Jesus boy, and both of his grandparents would burst their buttons in pride if they could see him.

During the music time, a string on his guitar broke. He pulled it out, and it made an amazing sound over the speakers. Like a huge electronic zipper. That was funny, but he remained cool and collected. He turned the song intro over to Dave, on keys. That was fine. Then someone brought him another guitar. I was in total awe as he casually tuned it, right there in front of everyone...

They introduced a "new" song, which was a very old song with a new tune. Again, my thoughts turned to Dad, who would have loved this. Greg sang, in his unique and pleasing voice, "From sinking sand, He lifted me. By His own hand, he lifted me. From shades of night to planes of light, oh praise His name, He lifted me." Wow. Yeah, tears.

Anyway, then came the time to pray. And pray Greg did. But he decided to name Pastor Rob in his prayer, and then forgot Rob's name. Instead of covering by just saying "PASTOR", Greg (still in prayer) does the Greg snicker and says "I forgot our pastor's name!" PRICELESS moment. He asked for forgiveness for forgetting Rob's name. I cried some more. And laughed. Hey, and I resisted the urge to tell everyone around me "THAT IS MY SON!" Instead, I left quietly after the service, did a bit more work on the house, then returned to Bothell...

I miss some things about Wenatchee.

But I do feel right here.

Today I made a new relationship with a professional designer, and I know she will bring me business. I made a contract with the Seattle Times. I met and loved an elderly couple who bought our bottom of the line stove, at $125. I made them laugh. I love Brandon, but I was able to be a business professional with him, and watch him pout about his lost priveledges and I didn't even feel slightly sorry. YES! She CAN be taught. I see that this will work well. I can be a total asset at our store, and we will have a ton of fun while earning a good income.

And for the record, I am beyond tired. I want one day, just one, that holds no deadlines or requirements. Maybe sometime in May. I want all 5 of my kids to talk to me this week. I want my Christopher to know I love him. And I want to sleep and know that no alarm will wake me. And I want to thank God for children who serve Him. Now I do know why my dad was so thankful for this. I do know. I see Justin leading worship and Greg leading worship and Sarah in the street ministry in San Francisco and I know that I am blessed - so blessed. Daddy was right. There are proper returns on investments. Those are the returns I'm looking for. I delight in seeing my children, Laura included, living pure, clean lives in a soiled and unholy world. Any struggle I have had is so worth it, seeing this. Testimonies of light in the overwhelming darkness.

American Idol starts in 8 minutes.

The tired Mom.

The drunk Jamaican

I am just sure that my day yesterday was more interesting than yours.

Brandon was making an appliance pickup, and David had gone to check up on that process. It was me and Kirby, the repairman, at the store. All was well and we were occasionally chatting but mostly busy with our own chores.

In staggers a man in his 40's, medium to short stature, black with short, dirty dread locks, wearing a bright yellow shirt with the symbol for pi on the front. I thought - oh great, a transient looking for bus money. This happens often because our store is right behind a busy bus stop. The man was obviously intoxicated or on drugs, and by the odor, he had not showered in some time. He was speaking to Kirby, and Kirby pointed to ME, much to my dismay. Seems the guy had managed to slur "I'm looking for duh BOSS." When he saw me, he told Kirby "NO, duh BOSS is a man!" Kirby corrected this, and then the guy nearly slobbered on himself apologizing. It was very hard to understand the combination of a Jamaican accent and the chemical influence, but I managed to catch that "duh boss" hired him to wash windows once a month. He had an empty bucket, and a dirty rag. He wanted water in the bucket, so he tried to hand it to Kirby. I showed him the utility sink, but he shoved the bucket at Kirby. SOOOOO Kirby fills up the bucket and then goes back to his job of tending to the appliances. "I need soap." Right. Of course. You're hired by duh boss to clean windows but you have no supplies. Fine. We have dish soap. Although he's directing his need toward Kirby, I go into the supply closet and return with dish soap. He squeezes some into the bucket, then tries to hand the bottle to Kirby, who is obviously busy. I reached out for it, and in utter disbelief the guy slurs "Doesn't he work for you?" Whoa. So I reply sternly, "He works WITH me, yes." "But you're duh boss!" Whatever - I just shook my head and turned my attention away from him. He disappeared out the front door and around to the far corner of the store, and I BLESSED Kirby for being there that morning.

Next thing we hear is a huge commotion at the far left window. (The store windows are huge, and there is one on the side right beside the bus stop, which is where the guy was) It sounded like a drunken fight, and we looked around the corner to see this drunk Jamaican and another black man going at it. Seems the Jamaican was trying to teach the other guy how to wash windows. The yelling and staggering and window washing continued for quite a while. This must have been quite the show to traffic on Lake City Way. A couple minutes of spreading soapy water, then the shorter Jamaican would get right in the face of the taller man and start yelling and waiving his arms around. The further they went, the louder the guy got, until I finally ran out of the store and YELLED at them to stop making a scene, they were at a BUSINESS and needed to conduct themselves professionally. By this time David and Brandon had arrived, and Brandon was seething. Looking back that part was really very funny. We had a customer walk in, having to walk past the two window washers, yelling at each other. She was a humble and very beautiful black woman wearing a head covering and long dress. I felt very embarrassed that she had to witness this, which is why I ran outside and yelled at them.

When they were done, the first guy came into the store for his pay. He explained to David, although the words were hard to understand, that he was "helping" the other guy, but he was making him work for it. David explained to HIM that if he wanted to wash our windows, he needed to arrive sober next time. The guy loudly and repeatedly apologized for this behavior.

Then he points to me. "Is that your wife?" David nods, and the guy leans in to say "She's pretty. You must have FUN with her." Oh goodness.

Kirby and I had a little chat about respect. He often feels very put down because he wears older, worn clothing, and is often seen with tools, working on appliances. People tend to treat him like he is either invisible, or some sort of servant. What was confusing and very sad to me, was that this guy is coming in off the street, probably homeless, obviously intoxicated, poor enough to only have a bucket and a rag and needing a fast $20, and he takes an attitude. The fact that the guy was black just added to my anger. Has he not had his share of people looking down on him, if not for his social status, for the color of his skin alone? I guess I was disappointed that this desperate guy would still act in obvious prejudice toward a lowly repair man. Shame. Shame on him. David told him that he would treat the entire staff with respect, if he ever was to return. Again the slurred apologies.

Sales were very good yesterday. I sold an upper end Maytag washer to a female priest. That was fun. She was a kick.

Oh, I have so much more I'd love to share with this computer screen, but I must get on the road to Wenatchee. The forecast calls for snow, followed by snow. So I'd best get going. I am putting it off on purpose. I would rather walk in the rain.

Stay sober! ;-)

Storms

It's late, and here I sit.

I am lost in memories of the past few years. Let's see... the past 4 1/2 years I guess. So much has happened in that small space of time.

I've been re-reading, re-hashing, re-thinking it all. What did I do? What didn't I do? Where did I fail? How can one person fail so much?

The answers are not comforting.

I think I will go to sleep now.

I had a good day today.

Let's see how the weather holds.

Putting down roots

Yesterday David and I went to the most amazing nursery. It's called 'Emery's' I think. THOUSANDS of plants and trees. We bought three ferns, a weeping cherry tree, and a blueberry bush and lindon linden lingon some other kind of berry bush. I planted the berries in the barrel that's just outside the dining room on the small patio. I planted the ferns among the rocks in the back. David planted the weeping cherry out front for me. I love weepy trees.

Now I feel like the ground around my house is mine.

I've dug into it. I've gotten dirt under my fingernails from my new yard.

I also spent some quality time weeding, and picking up dog poop. One not-so-shining moment was when the evergreen a big dog poop was sitting on snapped, and I got a sloosh of dog poop on the side of my nose. The rest of the day I imagined I smelled bad.

Soon the shade garden I ordered will arrive by truck, and I can plant it in the little area in front of our house, beside the front steps and sheltered between the house and garage, with the cement wall in the front...

I want flowers and butterflies and humming birds.

Oh, and my squirrel friends are quite happy with the bird feeder. I have to find a way to feed both the birds and squirrels.

I have to find a way to avoid encounters with dog poop.

Right now Laura and Stephanie and Adam are playing in the fire place. :-)

Life smells good today.

Minus one

They are all coming, and they are all excited about the food and the cookies, but they are minus one. They've added one, but to me they are still minus one.

It's hard when you love everyone.

I can't take sides and I can't decide to no longer love someone I love because someone else doesn't love them. They are still the them that made me love them in the first place. I hope they, the others, are old enough to understand this. And I hope he, the missing one, knows this.

It's nearly the two-year anniversary of this family meeting all of them. The day they filed in our house in Wenatchee changed all of our lives forever. Ping pong, the party tree, Bible studies in the basement, and a "friggin awesome" turkey lunch. Good times. It was wuv, twue wuv, I tell you.

I will forever be impressed and blessed that there are impossibly good looking, talented, outgoing young men who remain faithful to the calling with which they were called. Even the one who is missing. They are wearing soil-resistant clothing manufactured by God Himself. That they walk in this filthy world is to the benefit of that world, and will hopefully not be of harm to them. I pray they keep their eyes focused upward, remembering that all that is here will fade away quickly. I pray that they remain an oddity in this sinful place.

So the brownies are baking, and the peanut butter cookies with chocolate/peanut butter swirl chips (Sparky's honor) are cooling. Soon the house will smell of chicken and garlic and butter and cream. Soon sounds of laughing and air drumming and music and friendship will fill my house and make it perfect.

Minus one.