That's the nature of my job. The names assigned to days mean nothing. The term "weekend" means nothing. My work week starts today. Laura's off babysitting so I've got the house to myself.
Laura mowed the front lawn and picked up all the dog poo and dead birds front and back yesterday. There was only one pile of poo in the front, but this one dead bird had been all but consumed by the slugs. It was an interesting process to watch, though. Anyway I used the weed eater on absolutely every inch of trim and areas around the plantings. I felt good about it but got VERY sore by the end. I mowed the back, which is way harder than the front. Still, it's very satisfying now to look at it.
I've been thinking about life in general, nurture vs nature in particular, and overcoming "impossible" obstacles. Ob Stackles. There is a point in the life of a human being when they have to ditch the past and make a tough but needed decision to do and be better than that. If I saw my mother fuss and worry over every little thing, I get to choose to trust God and live freely. If I became conditioned to hide from problems and run away to escape them, I can find the tools to have effective confrontation and resolution of issues. It has to be important, because disposing of troublesome relationships rather than solving issues is unhealthy and terminally sad.
I'm reading, nearly done with, a book by Dave Pelzer called 'Help Yourself'. He, as you may know, survived the worst known case of child abuse in the US. Not for weeks or months, but for years, the child lived in a dark basement denied food, contact, or comforts of any kind, while enduring daily beatings and worse. Today he is a healthy husband and father determined to make a difference. While his book doesn't lean to the divine for any sort of supernatural help, his principles are still very valid. It's worth checking out. I can't see how a person, no matter how strong, can make that kind of change in their lives without the help of God. But I do see how a human being can face up to the truth and realize his need for that change, then seek out any help available to make it. In reading the book I see things I definitely need to change in me. Saying "that's how I am" just doesn't cut it, when being that way is hurtful. I guess I should say, "That's how I've always been, but God and I are working on changing that!" It doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen without some kind of effort. I use a tanning bed. With no effort and in very little time, I've changed the color of my skin. There isn't a personality improving bed, although I wish there were! And if I manage to invent one I will be a millionaire and I will give you lots and lots of money.
The other lie, that goes along with "that's how I am", is its twin "and if you don't accept me the way I am, you can just leave." Well, you were born covered with a cheesy coating that rapidly began to smell REALLY bad! If we'd left you "as you were" you'd be a fine mess by now, wouldn't you? Wash that crap off!!!!
I'm on a rampage. Sorry. It's just near and dear at the moment. I work with two people who have a sour and negative attitude. One has that in pretty much 100% of their life, the other switches between off the graph anger and giddy giggles and sweetness. Neither is easy to deal with. The first claims that they are a product of their upbringing, by a negative mother and mean spirited father. I haven't talked to the second about the black cloud over their head. All I know is, working in the environment of constant swearing and ranting and raving and slamming of the fist onto the console breaks me down rapidly. My perma-grin fades and I wish for nothing less than escape. But it's just the way they are. Live with it. They do. Yes, all these horrible things went into their innocent little selves as they were infants and toddlers and beyond. They absorbed it all. But now they are adults, can see different lifestyles and attitudes, and it's time to take out the trash. The putrid smell of negativity is making those around them literally ill.
Then there are those who are hurting in themselves and hurting each other with a war of words that cannot be won, each claiming "that's the way I am", and holding onto that as if it were their life savings. It's the way you may be now, but please tell me there is hope in your heart that with some work and Godly intervention you don't feel you have to be that way for the rest of your lives. I see you stuck in this rut, and it grieves me because you are so precious and so worthwhile. Climb out! PLEASE! Take a risk. Put pride aside.
There is another who is trying so hard to change, and has changed, and I hope with all of me continues to change. It's made my life so much easier and has inspired me to also seek to change. We move, and grow, and learn or we just sit there and mildew.
There is also the call to honesty wrapped in gentleness. It's so hard, sometimes, to think the two can work together. If I am honest, I feel I will hurt you, so I stay silent. Seek wisdom. Knowledge is good, but used wrongly it can do more harm than good. If my choice is to be honest with you at any cost, I may kill your spirit and what will my penalty be? But if I keep from you life-saving truth to avoid hurting you, what have I done? And how will I explain myself to God when called to account for what I've done? You are precious to Him.
