It slices, it dices, it makes .... fries?

Tomorrow morning, starving and apprehensive, I will be drugged, then wheeled into the OR for some needed surgery. Time will pass in an instant, and I'll be on a recovery bed, groggy and confused. I am thankful for technology, knowledge, and medicine. I'm thankful for music and magazines and the phone. I'm thankful for a loving husband's care at this time, and the amazing thoughtfulness he is showing.

I have given some thought to "but what if I don't wake up?" I want Endeavor to sing that one 'Jars of Clay' song - I think it's called 'Rivers of Joy' but I'm not sure. It's actually easy for me to imagine David singing the lines "I will sing of Your mercy that leads me from valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy..... yeah." So I want that song, and also the song 'Golden City', but I'm not sure who sings that. It goes "We will meet in the Golden City, in the new Jerusalem, all our pain and all our tears will be no more. We will stand with the hosts of heaven and cry 'holy is the Lamb', we will worship and adore you evermore." So those two MUST be sung, and don't you forget it. That last one doesn't sound anything like something Endeavor would do, so somebody else will have to figure it out. I'd sing the female part but I would otherwise be occupied chatting up my Dad or something. Sorry to trivialize death, but it's only traumatic for the non-believer or the one left behind. I, like Leslee, can't WAIT to go home!!! But in spite of that, those I love here have a very strong hold on me. I'll make sure and wake up for you, so I can tell you gas stories from the hospital stay.

I will most likely tell some surgery stories on this forum, and I'll be here confined to the house for several weeks. I'd love visits from my adopted and real children and my dear friends. My family is just too far away.

I love you, those of you who know who I'm talking to. I'll have my cell with me 24/7 but turned off if I'm snoozin, so feel free to call. Also it's the little hospital, not the big one.

Be safe and wise and holy, and I shall catch you on the flip side!!!!!

THE Mom Shap

Donovan is a Jedi

Donovan breaks the pinata with the power of the farce!
This picture was taken by my son Justin at Laura's graduation party held in our yard on June 11th. The cheap WalMart pinatas did NOT hold up, and after the smiley face graduation guy fell for the second time, I said "Hey, why don't you just pitch the thing like a baseball?" So Adam hurked it at Dono, but it actually flew apart way before it reached the bat. It was hilarious! All the "kids", ages 18 and up, rushed to scoop up the candy and toys I'd stuffed in there for them. It's so incredible to have these kids who are still made so happy by simple things, and don't require alcohol or drugs to have a "good time".

Of course there was a whole lot of fun that day, and the next. Our house was FULL of people, very chaotic, and in a total mess. What fun.

I hope the memories of that weekend stay with Laura forever. I know they'll stay with ME! Good fun, family, friends, and LOTS AND LOTS of candy!

Mom Shap 

Days of change

They are growing up. Not leaving, not all of them, anyway. But definitely growing up. The "winds of change" they say. Blowing. I see adult problems for the little girl with the lisp to deal with. I see her grab her diploma and bounce out into the world. I'm happy for her, sad for me, and sometimes I'm sad for her. There are relationship issues, and friendship problems, and the future up ahead like an anticipated storm.

I feel, sometimes, like I'm inside a huge production. A movie in progress. So many characters, and so much drama. I wish I had a script to consult, because I don't know what I am supposed to say next. Do I walk out here, or throw my hands up in exasperation there, or cry silently in that corner? Do I hold the answer to the problem, or am I the problem? Does the stage fall silent as I deliver my ultimate monologue, filled with heart-wrenching insights... and then do I take a bow as the audience jumps to their feet in applause, wiping tears and nodding enthusiastically? "Unlikely", the 8-ball answers.

Tonight I got to sit through 10 boring hours of work, and watch the brown-nosing anal-retentive methods of choice my employer blesses. It was almost enough to go home on sick leave, except for those few exceptionally light-hearted moments when laughs were shared and bad jokes were appreciated. So silly. Uncharacteristically clean for that workplace.

Oddly enough, I am happily anticipating the upcoming surgery which will give me time away from work. It's that time away that makes the procedure seem like a light at the end of the tunnel. I will have a few weeks to talk with friends, to rest, to love my family, and to be loved. I deeply crave this, and I view it as a blessing. I won't be "sick", but I won't be able to run around like a crazed person either. I will be forced to be still, and I need STILL.

For those precious people in my life who are experiencing hurt and loss - I am so sorry. Time does more than you can allow yourself to believe right now. But trust me. And for those who are having to wait - the wait will be worth it. Have some faith, and let God do what He has in mind for you while you wait. I know little, but I understand much, and I listen well.

My daughter is going to Germany. My little girl with the lisp is getting on a big plane, all by herself, and flying for an entire day, and staying away for an entire month. She will be sorely missed. But at that same time, I will be sliced and diced and cared for, and I'll have her Daddy by my side. *sigh* My prayer is that during her time away, God will whisper part of what He has in mind for her, directly into her heart.

To my west side group of kids I love so much - you guys amaze, inspire, amuse, and entertain me. I can't possibly tell you how much you all mean to me, even though none of you ever read this so you certainly won't learn it from here!!!!!!!! I hope that I get to see at least a couple of you while I'm mending. I told you, Adam, I'll make the cookies if you lift the bowl.

It's way past time to get to sleep. I get to spend time with my girls tomorrow, and I'm really glad about that. I won't always have them. My Sarah is leaving way too soon, and as it is I only get to have her some of the time now. What an aching gap her absence leaves. So we'll eat, and write, and shop, and go to the GED testing site. Routine things, made wonderful by the element of these very cool young women.

I'm signing off and heading for the barn, as Daddy would say. Goodnight.

Love,
Mom Shap